Wednesday, January 11, 2012

History


     Have you ever heard the phrase that history repeats itself? I have heard it a lot in reference to people. For example a lot of people have said that children of divorce grow up and get a divorce themselves. Before I was born my parents were divorced. On the day they signed the papers they had a moment of insanity. I was that moment of insanity. Although my folks never remarried, my dad was always around. In fact, I never realized they were technically divorced until I was in my early twenties. Even my maternal grandparents were divorced back when it wasn’t fashionable to do so. The vicious cycle began all those years ago. History repeated itself with my parents, and then with my sister who was divorced 3 times, and even with me. This is my second marriage.

     When you are a product of divorce you are never taught that marriage should be a one shot deal. You know from experience that if things don’t work out there is an escape clause. You don’t have to tolerate that a$$ forever, you simply kick them to the curb and find someone else. The sanctity of marriage is lost in the process. Even though my first marriage ended in divorce, I still wanted the happily ever after. I knew that marriage was intended for a lifetime. While taking the vows you promise to love each other till death parts you, through sickness and health. On the flipside of the coin, my paternal grandparents were married over 50 years, had 5 kids, and oodles of grandkids including yours truly. Their home was filled with happiness, belief in G0d, and the importance of family. Hopefully their history repeats itself with me and my husband and we have broken the cycle and my kids will find the right one before they take the plunge. It is my hope they will value family and not take their marriage vows lightly making good choices.

     History repeats itself because people are creatures of habit. They simply do what they know. If kids are abused, they will grow up to be the ones that abuse. Even more sadly, they may think that is all they deserve and search for a partner that will continue the abusive cycle thinking if someone truly loves them, they will knock them upside the head or push them down the stairs.


    
      Even as you read this your life is playing out. Your history is being written. I used to think that history had more to do with what happened years ago. You know, like the facts that we all memorized back in our high school history classes. History involved wars, discovering new places, inventing new things, and past presidential terms. On closer reflection, each of us is apart of history. We are the ancestors of future generations, just as our great grandparents are to us.

  
       One day we will be all regulated to history. Loved ones that have passed on are essential parts of our own personal history. They are gone, but not forgotten and still very much alive in our minds. We are all very much apart of the tapestry of history. My great grandfather was a farmer, then my grandfather farmed, and two of my uncles followed suit and became farmers. My dad was a truck driver, and I married a truck driver. History continues to repeat itself through the generations whether in matters of lifestyle or profession. There will always be those that come along and have the balls to throw a monkey wrench in the gears and dare to be different. Regardless, history will continue to write itself until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

24 comments:

  1. What a thought provoking read. I was the first divorce on either side of our family (husband's fam and mine) and it has followed us through to our children. Two of the four have divorced. The other two seem solid and hopefully they are. They are both married to girls whose parents are still married. Interesting, huh?

    Good job, as always. ♥

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  2. So true! I'm glad you are breaking the cycle. My Dad came from a long line of alcoholics. My Dad wanted better for his kids, so he broke the cycle. I knew, of course, that your husband is a truck driver, but I didn't know your Dad was as well. My Dad was a truck driver too. I always get angry when I hear ugly comments about truck drivers because I know they are usually honest, hardworking men with a family somewhere who loves him! I can tell that your Dad was as special as mine was.

    Awesome blog!

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  3. This was such a great post, Kathy! I agree with every word of it. It is so true, "we learn what we live." Breaking cycles is a difficult thing to do, but can be done!

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  4. Great job! Yes, I believe in history repeating itself through generations, I've seen it. What's great is every generation has the chance to change history and set a different path! Nice post.

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  5. Jo, I am so pleased you enjoyed my history post!! It is indeed interesting! Thanks for stopping by to read and comment!

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  6. Darlene, that is cool! Not only was my dad a truck driver but at one time or another all of my uncles drove truck as well. Thanks for stopping by to read and comment!

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  7. Beachlover, I am so pleased you enjoyed my post. You can do anything if you set your mind to something! Thanks for stopping by to read and comment!

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  8. Anna, it is interesting isn't it? It makes me wonder how many other interests and things I share with my ancestors. Thanks for stopping by to read and comment!

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  9. I think UNEXAMINED history repeats itself. I do think those who grew up in homes with abuse or with partners unwisely chosen may be more likely to repeat that pattern - but that's not a given.

    As far as the generic concept "sanctity of marriage" - I'm not a believer. Marriage is a contract like any other, and it's only as good as the commitment, effort, and honesty of those who take those vows. If you say your marriage is a personal sacrament, I'll take your word for it, but tabloid and other evidence suggests not everyone treats marriage as something sacred.

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  10. My grandmother was divorced. A fact I forgot, when I stay married to the moron for ten years. I gave that union my best, but the sad fact is, we weren't right for each other. My next go around I was determined to have the kind of marriage my parents have. Seventeen years later, Rob and I are still having a blast. Great post Kathy.

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  11. My parents were married more than 60 years. Hubby and I have been married 48 years. Both our daughters are divorced--one of them twice. Go figure.

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  12. Very well written, Kathy, and so true. We are writing history every day and hopefully we are considering the example we are leaving.

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  13. Beverly, I don't think any of us in my family stopped to examine any patterns at the time. I think we were to busy living life. What you say about marriage is very true. There are a lot of people that just don't believe in it at all anymore and that is really sad. I guess I am one of the old fashioned few that believe the vows made should be sacred. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments!

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  14. Gene Pool, I have realized as we are having this discussion that no one is probably more susceptible to divorce than someone else. The point that I was trying to make with this post is that someone that comes from a history of divorce may be more likely to walk out on a marriage quicker than someone that grew up in the situation watching people give and take. Thank you for stopping by to read and comment!

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  15. Angela, weird how stuff like that works out. Maybe they were so anxious for the happily ever after exhibited by you and your parents they settled. Hard to say. Thanks for stopping by to read and comment!

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  16. Betty, I don't know if people really consider what kind of example they are leaving at the time, maybe in hindsight. Most people, me included are to busy just living life. At least I am until I am provoked to sit down, think about it, and write something. LOL Thanks for stopping by to read and comment!

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  17. And what happens to the people who throw the monkey wrench? They hang them as heretics.

    Joyce
    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/

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  18. There are definite patterns in most families. Thank goodness for the ones willing to blaze new trails!

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  19. so true. creatures of habit. history repeating itself.

    it's never ending.

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  20. I made an absolute point of not letting history repeat itself, and I succeeded. It took effort, but it was worth it. Now my kids have a clean slate from which to launch their versions of history, with no baggage from me to carry forward Well I'm sure there will be some, but it won't be the hell I carried!) Great piece that made me think.

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  21. Joyce, maybe that is a little extreme. LOL They definitely rock the boat and give their relatives something to talk about for years to come. Thanks for stopping by to read and comment.

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  22. Word Nerd, YAY for the trailblazers that make everything interesting! Thanks for stopping in to read and comment!

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  23. Danneromero, it sure would be cool if we could change some of the bad history that keeps coming up again and again. With determination, it can be done! Thanks for stopping by to read and comment!

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  24. Mojo, Good for you!! You my friend are a true inspiration!

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