Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Sick Longing to Look Different

       I have longed to look different all my life.   Unfortunately I don’t live in the land where plastic surgery is free or cheap or undertaken as easily as a trip to the doctor for a pi$$ test.  I often reason that G0d certainly must have known what HE was doing when he made me, right??  He is not supposed to screw up and is supposed to have it planned in all His divine creations.   I will admit when I was little I was cute, but then around the time I went into second grade, my looks went south.  The question remains “Why should I fool with His ultimate creation??”  I can’t imagine people paying big bucks to alter what G0d in all his wisdom created or to pay some doctor to inflict them with pain when it isn‘t required to save their  life.  The passage of time and my own experience has convinced me that  G0d has one sick sense of humor!

         As an adolescent teenager I longed for big ta ta’s .   I thought they would be the answer to all my problems.  Seriously!  If I had big knockers certainly I would have a boyfriend.  They would forget the fact that I had got knocked upside the head with the ugly stick a few times.   My chest would hit them right between the eyes like a great big focal point and they would be enamored of me at first glance.   They would then give me a chance and discover what a true gem I am!!  Screwed up I know, but that is what I thought.  I remember my mom filling me with the belief that if I ate tons of cauliflower my chest would bloom to gargantuan proportions.   I was willing to try anything at that point.  I wanted to change my clothes, my hair, and my face if it would help.  Everyone wants to have friends and be loved and accepted.  

        As I grew older I got over this longing.  It helped once men began to notice I was actually alive, and once I met my husband I no longer needed to worry.  Then one fine day I got pregnant.  Be careful what you wish for!! For me, pregnancy equaled spending my days with my head in the toilet from conception to cesarean section.  By the time the day came for the baby to be born,  all I wanted was to not be pregnant anymore.  I was tired of bringing up everything I ate to be voted on.  Once she was born, I changed my tune.  She was alive, and she was perfect!!  Even though I refused to breast feed after her birth, my hooters grew to gargantuan proportions.  Be careful what you wish for!!  All that longing had caused my hooters to grow the size of cow udders!!  Not only that, the rest of me grew right along with it.  Middle age spread descended and thin and trim left the building!!  

     A lot of ladies out there long to change their appearance to the point they are willing to pay some fool thousands of dollars to slice them and dice them and insert artificial Ta ta’s under their skin.  Ouch!!  I guess I just am not crazy about the whole pain factor enough to go under the knife if I really don’t have to.  So even though it would be nice to slice the things that stick out a tad to far off my body,  I know better than to long for my girls to be smaller.  With my luck, that longing would  get me breast cancer and a double mastectomy in my future.  I sure don’t long for that.  So I will cease my longing because it has only got me in trouble in the past and be happy with the way I am avoiding mirrors at every turn.   Until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a truckers wife.

Addicted to Cats!!

       Earlier this month a new fur baby joined my menagerie of pets.  My kids and I have a terrible weakness for anything small, soft, and cuddly.  We are addicted!!  Even though I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my husband would blow a blood vessel if I brought home another cat, I defiantly went off and picked up a kitten.  Someone should truly start a furry babies anonymous group with  a fool proof 12 step program for people like me!!

      To be fair, when I had first laid eyes on this precious ball of fur, I barely gave her a second notice because the lady who was giving free kittens away proclaimed her granddaughter had already spoken for her.  Since the rest of the brood were males,  I stuck up my nose at the lot and much to my kids disappointment left the house that day without a new kitten in tow.  I have two female cats already and bringing a male into the house, no matter how small would eventually result in a population explosion of kittens in every nook and cranny.  That was something I wanted to avoid at all costs!!   The lady took my name and number just in case her granddaughter had a change of heart and picked another.  I didn’t think that likely, so I chose to forget about the kitten.
       I was proud of my ability to walk away!!  I felt much the same way a recovering alcoholic feels when they turn away a glass of their favorite poison.  My husband, as always, was on the road working.  I called him up when I got home proclaiming my success at walking away!! Just saying NO!  Instead of being happy, he went ape $hit railing at me!!    How I could even consider looking at another cat as much as he hates them?   

        As fate would have it, the lady called the next day saying her granddaughter had chosen one of the males, and if I would still like the black kitten she was available.  Right before her phone call my husband had telephoned informing me I needed to call about a jeep he had seen for sale in the neighborhood.  Now it was my turn to lose it!!  We needed another vehicle about as much as I needed a hole in my head.  I hung up on him and went and brought home that little kitten then and there!  I would show him!!  After all, I was free, white, and way over 21 and there was going to be no one who was going to tell me what to do!!  Especially some young whipper snapper like him!!  (He is 6 years younger than me for information purposes.)  
          Even though he went ballistic at the time at my audacity, by the time he came home he marched right in and picked up the new kitten and made fast friends with her.  Wonders never cease!!

         She loves to play bite, climb curtains, chase our feet when we walk, and lets loose with a meow the size of an elephant when she wants attention.  Anything on the floor is fair game for adventure and becomes a quick toy.  She is the first cat I have ever seen that loves to burrow deep under the covers in search of warmth.  The new addition has already become a lovable addition to our family’s menagerie of pets and I am so glad I brought her home!  Until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The Storms of Life : A New Website!

      Not only have storms been brewing on the coast with Hurricane Irene, they have also been brewing for quite a while with Website formerly located in Phoenix, AZ.  I should know because they were the hosts for my site The Truckers Wife.  It began this summer when paychecks quit coming regularly for assignments I had written for them.  After a while I quit taking paid assignments.  Who truly wants to work for free??  Not me!!  Then they decided to take the publisher down for weeks on end for an upgrade.  Even when the publisher finally was up and running, there were still features that could not be used and did not work.  Finally they quit answering their phones altogether.

      As of yesterday the truth finally came to light.  They went out of business leaving many dear people who worked there on the streets and many website owners like myself up in the air as to where to go next and what to do.  Many people have been swindled out of thousands of dollars and I was very fortunate to have suffered minimal loss.  I feel bad for the people I dealt with that worked there.  They taught me a lot and I will be forever grateful for their advice, tutelage, and friendship.  I understand that they were caught up in the whole nasty business of lying to the clients  to keep their positions.  In this economy, jobs are hard to come by and I don’t fault them for doing what they had to do to pay their bills and feed their families.  Unfortunately those who stayed and tried to help to the best of their abilities got caught up in the whole nasty business and are now as unemployed as I am.  

        To me, the only real loss is my website.  Since I have always used their software to update the site, I can not imagine that being available to me much longer.  With the company no longer in business and the owner out to screw over everyone in his path, I am left with no choice but to break away from my dear old site and start fresh.  Many will file grievances and lawsuits.  I fortunately have made back every dime I ever put into the website with my writing so I have little reason to get embroiled into the legal turmoil and last ditch efforts that so many others will no doubt engage in.  

         I have decided to create a new website on my own and continue writing.  Why bother you ask??  After almost 2 years of being online creating the trucker’s wife, I have found that writing  and designing has become apart of my life and I enjoy doing it.  It is a great outlet.  It also fans the creative embers that have always burned so brightly inside me.  So in light of that,  I have come to the decision that they are not going to rain on my parade.  I will continue on as I have been as before here at my new home on the internet.  

        So the storm is raging, but there still is a light at the end of my tunnel.   Through it all, I come away with many online friends from all over the world that I would never have known otherwise.  I have come away with the knowledge of how to write and design a website satisfying a creative hunger that had went unsatisfied for so long.  For those things, I will always be grateful to those in customer service who taught and helped me.  Like the hurricane, Website Business left a path of destruction.  As a phoenix, those affected by the onslaught will rise again from the ashes bigger and better than ever!  Until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.