Wordless Wednesday- Budding Lilacs

Favorite Friends from Childhood

       Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child?  Lots of kids do.    I can’t say that I honestly had a particular favorite.  I remember having a whole menagerie that covered my twin sized bed encircling me and leaving me a small place to curl up in a ball to sleep.  They watched over me at night keeping the bogeyman away and me safe and were active participants of my games during the day.  I treated each and everyone the same.

       Of that menagerie, only two cuddly friends have survived.  One Christmas my mother made me a Raggedy Ann doll.  I thought she was awesome, and I still have her.  I treasure her because my mom made her for me, especially now that my mother is gone.  These days she straddles a huge china bull which sits on top of my kitchen cupboards. 

       The other cuddly friend that survives is my clown doll “Clownie”.  Unfortunately when Puppy Love was a young rambunctious pup he got a hold of Clownie and almost tore his foot off.  My husband felt sorry for Clownie and nailed him up on the bedroom wall by his hat so he would come to no more harm.  

       Unlike me both kids have attached themselves to one stuffed animal in particular.  We got my daughter a stuffed monkey at Toys R Us when she was 2.  She carried that monkey everywhere when she was a little tike.  Since then, Monkey has a special place on her bed so he is always available for special cuddles.



       My son received a stuffed frog in his Easter basket when he was a year old.  He has loved Froggy every since.  When he is sick or hurting, it is Mommy and Froggy he seeks for comfort.
     
  

     What would childhood be without these small comforts to get us through the day to day?  Even now my extra special friends from my childhood still watch over me and bring me comfort.  As my kids grow up, I am sure their favorites will do the same and always hold a special place in their hearts

Wordless Wednesday- Flowering Crabs

Tuesday Tunes

     It’s Tuesday, blogging A-Z is history and it is time to crank the tunes and check out what I am jamming to this week.  Sit back, relax, and jam with me for Tuesday Tunes hosted by Holli at “Holli’s Hoots and Hollers”, Lauren at “Outside the Frame”, and Leslyn at “Leslyn’s Lovely Life”.
    
      Today I am featuring a lot of repeater bands here on the Giggling Trucker’s Wife.  Past Tuesday’s have found me featuring the Imagine Dragons, Thompson Square, and Florida Georgia Line.  Here I am again, different songs, same bands, and different day!

      I have no idea what it is about the Imagine Dragon’s song “Radioactive” and sticks in my head, but I love it.  Once I have heard it, I sing it all day long.  I love the harmonies.  I love the music.  I love the words.  Let’s just say I love this song and band.

      Today I am missing my husband.  He has been on the road entirely too long for my tastes but we need the money.  If the wheels aren’t rolling, we are not paying the house payment so “If I Didn’t Have You” by Thompson Square is on my play list.  Even though it seems like he is never here, if I didn’t have him at all I would go bat shit crazy.  I love that man of mine for better or worse.

     Last but certainly not least is a feel good song by Florida Georgia Line “Get Your Shine On”.  You could say the theme of my life right now is to get my shine on.  I am learning again and it is a wonderful feeling.  I am discovering new things and kicking my own happy ass out of the rut I have been in the last several months.  The sun is shining, the birds are singing…and shitting on my car, and the flowers are in bloom.  I am in a happy sunny mood and this song reflects that.  So get your shine on, be radioactive, because if I didn’t have all of you to read my BS just where would I be?  Here’s wishing you a happy Tuesday and keep rocking right along with the tunes that move your soul!

Regrets

       Regrets are a part of life.  Not a very nice part of life, but part of it just the same and everyone has them.  People that claim they have no regrets about anything are either saints or just plain liars.  Regrets haunt you everyday of your life and there is no where to hide from them.  You find a way to cope and you go on the best you can.

      Before my Grandma died she and I got into a wicked fight.  I was tired of hearing her bad mouth my dad, my sister, and my husband.  The real kicker was that as soon as I quit my job to be a stay at home mother, I became a failure and nobody in her book.  She didn’t think I should have married my husband and thought I was nuts to have a baby.  I went ahead and married the love of my life anyways and three years later had a baby.  Two babies in all truth be told, but the second didn’t arrive until after her death.

        After my mom died she tried to replace the daughter she lost with me.  She wanted me at her beck and call 24/7.  I just couldn’t do it.  I had a mother and she was the best.  I didn’t want another one.  I had a baby and husband who I thought the world of to devote my time to and I didn’t need the drama.  So we fought and I told her I was done.  I never spoke to her or saw her again.  Before the year ended she was dead.  Resigned I went on with my life and tried to remember the happy times with my Grandma before the upheaval.  I regret not resolving our issues before she died and telling her I was sorry.  Now she haunts my dreams and her memory gnaws at my heart when I let it.

           There are some people that cross your path in life that will hate you no matter what.  With people like that you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.    After years of trying desperately to trust my sister and like her, years of getting screwed over by her, and years of being treated like dirt and a 3rd class citizen by her, I finally gave up on her and moved on.  She despises me no matter what, is vengeful, and is two faced.  I wish her well.  I regret that we couldn’t have been real sisters in this life.    I regret all the lost years.  I regret that we couldn’t have been close and friends.  It is what it is.  We were meant to walk in different directions down different paths.  I have accepted that fact but there still are days I wonder if only things could have been different. 

 

     Death is final whether figuratively with a dead relationship or in reality with the physical loss of someone.  Either way death is final and irreversible.  I will never know what might have been, but I do know I will put up my walls and no one will hurt me again like they did.  There are some days you can’t stop the regrets, but then you harden your heart and strengthen your resolve and focus on the good memories and try unsuccessfully to forget the bad.  You keep looking ahead and moving forward with your life rarely looking back.