Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Sick Longing to Look Different

       I have longed to look different all my life.   Unfortunately I don’t live in the land where plastic surgery is free or cheap or undertaken as easily as a trip to the doctor for a pi$$ test.  I often reason that G0d certainly must have known what HE was doing when he made me, right??  He is not supposed to screw up and is supposed to have it planned in all His divine creations.   I will admit when I was little I was cute, but then around the time I went into second grade, my looks went south.  The question remains “Why should I fool with His ultimate creation??”  I can’t imagine people paying big bucks to alter what G0d in all his wisdom created or to pay some doctor to inflict them with pain when it isn‘t required to save their  life.  The passage of time and my own experience has convinced me that  G0d has one sick sense of humor!

         As an adolescent teenager I longed for big ta ta’s .   I thought they would be the answer to all my problems.  Seriously!  If I had big knockers certainly I would have a boyfriend.  They would forget the fact that I had got knocked upside the head with the ugly stick a few times.   My chest would hit them right between the eyes like a great big focal point and they would be enamored of me at first glance.   They would then give me a chance and discover what a true gem I am!!  Screwed up I know, but that is what I thought.  I remember my mom filling me with the belief that if I ate tons of cauliflower my chest would bloom to gargantuan proportions.   I was willing to try anything at that point.  I wanted to change my clothes, my hair, and my face if it would help.  Everyone wants to have friends and be loved and accepted.  




 
        As I grew older I got over this longing.  It helped once men began to notice I was actually alive, and once I met my husband I no longer needed to worry.  Then one fine day I got pregnant.  Be careful what you wish for!! For me, pregnancy equaled spending my days with my head in the toilet from conception to cesarean section.  By the time the day came for the baby to be born,  all I wanted was to not be pregnant anymore.  I was tired of bringing up everything I ate to be voted on.  Once she was born, I changed my tune.  She was alive, and she was perfect!!  Even though I refused to breast feed after her birth, my hooters grew to gargantuan proportions.  Be careful what you wish for!!  All that longing had caused my hooters to grow the size of cow udders!!  Not only that, the rest of me grew right along with it.  Middle age spread descended and thin and trim left the building!!  

     A lot of ladies out there long to change their appearance to the point they are willing to pay some fool thousands of dollars to slice them and dice them and insert artificial Ta ta’s under their skin.  Ouch!!  I guess I just am not crazy about the whole pain factor enough to go under the knife if I really don’t have to.  So even though it would be nice to slice the things that stick out a tad to far off my body,  I know better than to long for my girls to be smaller.  With my luck, that longing would  get me breast cancer and a double mastectomy in my future.  I sure don’t long for that.  So I will cease my longing because it has only got me in trouble in the past and be happy with the way I am avoiding mirrors at every turn.   Until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a truckers wife.

14 comments:

  1. I guess many women will go through anything to "fit" in with the crowd, to please the masses--to find self-acceptance--it is an interesting take on longing, I had not thought of.

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  2. I gotta jump on your train here! Be careful what ya wish for cuz He might be givin' it to ya!
    Fun post with a nice underlying message.

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  3. Jenn, thank you for stopping by to read and comment! I was really stuck on this post. I wanted to get a different take than the obvious, and then this came to me. My sister in law paid big money to have plastic surgery. It wasn't covered by insurance and it was very painful from what I understand. I would never want acceptance to the point of paying big money that I didn't have to inflict something like that on myself. I think it is pure vanity and silly. It is what is inside that counts. It took me a while to figure that one out, and I am glad that I finally did! I am what I am. If people don't like what I look like then they can look the other way. This is as good as it gets. :D

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  4. Jo, thanks for stopping by and for your kind comments!! It is so true. I never believed it when my mom said to stop making faces or my face might grow that way. You know, I try to smile more than not. Much rather have it grow in a smile. LOL

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  5. Kathy,
    I think all of us women are inculturated to believe we should be skinny, big boobed and beautiful. I know as I age, It matters less to me. I also like you, have friends that have gotten face lifts, boob jobs and more.... If that makes them happy that is fine, but not for me....

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  6. It's the rare woman who hasn't had/doesn't have some sort of body issues. I wrote a column a long time ago about how men--even the three-toed-knuckle-draggers--look in the mirror and see a pretty hot guy looking back, and women--even supermodels--see flaws in their reflection. ;O)

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  7. Laura, I have found it makes less difference to me as I age too. At this point it is all what you see is what you get. I still hate mirrors though! Thanks for stopping in to read and comment!

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  8. Word Nerd, (Beth) I appreciate you stopping by to read and comment!! I wish I could look in the mirror like a guy does and see some hot guy instead of the imperfections I always see that are always glaringly obvious to me. I am not that critical about others, but of myself. It is a pity that it takes age and experience to make us realize that it is really what is within that matters most in people.

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  9. LOL I remember wishing for big breast-es-es when I was in high school. It turns out that most guys are too busy staring at my butt than to really notice my boobs! :)

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  10. Awwsumkitten, thanks for stopping by to read and comment!! At least they were looking at something. LOLOLOL I inherited my great grandmothers big butt which has got more prominent with age. To my disgust, I swear to God it comes to a point and looks like a triangle has been attached to my rear end!! Oh well, what you gonna do. It is just as kissable as a perfect one, and if people don't like the way I look they can figure out a way to kiss it. That is my outlook these days! Takes to much blood, sweat, and tears and effort to try to get rid of it at this point. Oh if only!! LOLOLOL Good thing I finally realized looks aren't everything or I would spend life in the depths of despair.

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  11. Super post, and important lesson. BTW, your pictures always crack me up. Great job.

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  12. Langley, Thanks for stopping by. Pretty bad when you start seeing hooters in the scenery. Then there's the cow udders that most resemble my own. LMAO I am so happy you enjoyed my post and got a kick out of the pictures I added. It is nice to know there is someone out there that appreciates my sense of humor. I was beginning to think I had gone flat or stale. Well hell, you know what I mean. LOLOL

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  13. I had always wanted to be thinner and I have managed to be thin once in a while--but not healthy and thin---Great message in your post Kathy!

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  14. Divalounger, once in a while is better than never. I was thin when I was younger, almost to the point of being to thin at times. Once I had my babies I became decidedly fat and seem pretty much apt to stay that way until I shrivel up and die. I guess losing weight could happen...it does to some folks. Trying might be the end of me! I just am not going to hold my breath. LOL Thank you for stopping in to read and for your kind comments.

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