Tuesday, March 1, 2016

The Diary

  “Please read my diary, look through my things and figure me out.”  Kurt Cobain

      Grace received her first diary years ago for Christmas from her Aunt Marge.  She had been twelve at the time and she had regarded the shiny red cover wondering what she would do with it.  She didn’t like to write.  Of course, she tried to act thrilled.  She didn’t want to hurt Aunt Marge’s feelings.  Her mother would have been livid if she had and there would have been hell to pay.  Not long after, Aunt Marge died in a tragic car accident.  She remembered the day in exact, glaring detail.  Snowy, treacherous roads and a bit of ice had sealed Aunt Marge’s destiny.  The accident set a series of events in motion that would change Grace’s life forever.  One by one her family left.  First her mother died, and then her dad. Finally, her little brother had fallen through the ice one fateful day while ice skating.  By the time she was 20, they were all gone leaving Grace alone to conquer the world.  
     She met Rob by accident.  A dear friend had set her up on a blind date.  The weirdest thing happened, though.  Her date couldn’t come.  Instead, he sent flowers with his apology.  Rob delivered the flowers and they connected immediately.  Compelled to see her again, he sent flowers to her and delivered them himself.  A whirlwind romance followed which culminated in a marriage proposal. Grace said yes before Rob even finished what he had to say.   Since Grace no longer had any family to speak of, she was eager to start a family of her own.  Just a little over a year later she welcomed a son who became her pride and joy.  A daughter soon followed, and soon it seemed her dreams of a family were complete. 
    The years passed.  Her son enlisted in the navy when war broke out, and at the tender age of 19, died in battle.  Grace's heart shattered into a million pieces.  Her grief palpable, she remained inconsolable.  Her diary filled to overflowing with tear stained prose.  
     Still her daughter remained.    Soon, Grace’s diary focused revolved around Elise and Rob's comings and goings.  Somewhere along the way, Grace ceased to exist.  Her life ceased to matter.  Her feelings were never discussed within the pages of her most recent diary.  In her mind, she was insignificant.  They were her whole world. 
After another joyous Christmas celebration, Rob suffered a fatal heart attack. One minute he was at her side, the next he was gone.  Grace wrote pages and pages in her diary as she coped.  She mourned her life partner, and once again the pages became smudged and tear stained.  Her daughter did all she could to see to Grace's needs, but then life stepped in once again.  Her daughter accepted a wonderful job thousands of miles away.  Grace mustered her strength, put a brave face on it, and saying goodbye, wished her well.
Years passed.  With each passing year, Grace withdrew a bit farther into herself.  She stopped associating with the outside world and became a modern day recluse.  Those she loved most in life had gone leaving her behind.  She longed to join them.  She longed to be free of her lonely life.  She played her music.  She created her art.  She survived, a prisoner of her dark thoughts and feelings of helplessness. She put on a brave, showed the world giggles and smiles because that is what she thought the world wanted to see.  She confided only in her diary.  She prayed that when her time was up, that whoever found her diaries would read them and understand. 






32 comments:

  1. Wow that was wicked sad. :( I kept a journal from 1/1/77 to about mid-2009. I tried to catch up when I first moved here but it was too much and I stopped writing in it. Now I type so much faster and I get writer's cramp if I use a pen for too long.

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    1. JoJo, I am pleased you enjoyed it! Personally I never got into keeping a diary. As you say, it is much easier to type. Thanks so much for stopping by to read and for your sweet comments!

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  2. What a sad life. I am glad she had her diary for company.

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    1. tulika, still a diary is no substitute for a person or pet. Thanks for stopping by and for your sweet comments!

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  3. Welcome back Kathy! Have to feel bad for Grace...such tragedy in her life.

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    1. Joe, thanks for the warm welcome. The main thing was that she survived the tragedies. Thanks so much for stopping by and for your sweet comments!

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  4. All I could think as I read these words was that I've known so many women who have indeed become insignificant to themselves and lived only through their children and spouse. Only. This story is the probable outcome for those women. It reminds me how important friends are. How important self-love is and how imperative it is that each of us feel a purpose and a joy in our own solitary being.
    The lesson of this sad tale is crystal clear to me. If you find yourself alone in the world, as any of might, joy and charity and gratitude are the tools that will allow you to revel in your gifts.
    Welcome back...beautiful, instructional and well crafted write.

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    1. Jo, I am so pleased you enjoyed it. It is where I am now...somewhere between anxiety ridden and depressed. I went to the doctor and got some prescriptions that seem to be helping a lot. Just way to much going on...overwhelming. Hopefully life will simmer back down again and I will find my peace., Thanks so much for stopping by and for your sweet comments!

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  5. That was a powerful gut wrenching piece. There are so many Graces in this world. At least she has a journal for a companion. I got a tacky pin to wear as a high school graduation gift. I wore it so much as an adult. I accidentally washed it on a dress, and it died. It was not a valuable piece of jewelry. But, it gave me confidence at times. So many things we get as a gift when we were young can be so powerful in our lives.

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    1. Ann, I am so pleased you liked it! Thanks so much for stopping by and for your lovely comments!

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  6. At the very least someone is there to talk to as the diary takes on a life of its own

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    1. Pat, it was easy to think of Tom Riddles diary from "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" while writing this. I also drew from the knowledge that my Grandma kept a diary all her life. Wonder what ever happened to them all? I am so pleased you enjoyed my little story. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your sweet comments!

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  7. But did anyone every find the diary? And, when it was found, did anyone care anymore? Perhaps that is the true tragedy of Grace's life. She disappeared into herself, never to be found again.

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    1. Alana, one would hope her daughter would have found it, read it, and treasured it as a last link to her mother. That truly would be a tragedy. Thanks so much for stopping by and for your sweet comments!

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  8. Grace endured a lot of pain in her life and suffered in silence. I wonder how often Elise visited, or if she did. You wrote a touching story that documents the lives of some persons, Kathy.

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    1. Michelle, I am so pleased you enjoyed it! Thanks so much for stopping by and for your sweet comments!

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  9. Ohhh this is so sad... Such a heartbreakin story of Grace I used to write sad stuff in my diary earlier but now it's all about happiness... I keep a happiness journal.

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    1. Rajlakshmi, that sounds like a great idea!! Thanks for stopping by to read my story and for your sweet comments!

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  10. Life in some of its saddest hues! You have captured that feeling of loneliness and meaninglessness nicely in Grace's story. I wish she finds that strength she needs to record some of the happy moments from her life in that diary.

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    1. Beloo, I hope so too. Thanks so much for stopping by and for your sweet comments!

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    1. Hermione, I am so pleased you enjoyed it. Thanks for stopping by and for your sweet comments!

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    1. Ayezah, Thank you for stopping by to read, for your comments, and for the share!

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  13. Compelling account, Kathy. It's sad how such incidents can put an abrupt stop to life but glad she found solace in the diary and words to lift her up:)

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    1. vishal, life marches on whether you are lonely or not. Thanks so much for stopping by to read and for your sweet comments!

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  14. This was so sad especially because I'm sure it happens. I've never kept a regular diary because I don't want to risk someone finding it and getting in my head. I prefer to remain unknown, but I can also see how some could find comfort in understanding.

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    1. Jannatwrites, for me, I think it was more a case of having nothing to say. Same shit, different day mindset. I have kind of come to that kind of roadblock with my writing lately. It just doesn't seem as important any more. I keep hoping that one day inspiration will strike and I will be right back at it. Thanks so much for stopping by and for your sweet comments!

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  15. That was so sad, but at least she had her diary to confide into.
    Great write, dear!

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    1. Aditi, thanks so much for stopping by to read and for your sweet comments!

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  16. It's heartbreaking but life goes on.. Very well expressed.

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    1. payal, I am so pleased you liked it! Thanks for stopping by to read and for your sweet comments!

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