Me Then and Now

Michelle Liew of “Muses of the Deep” is hosting the Writer’s Post Blog Hop this week and has challenged me to find an old picture of myself and compare it to a recent one.

     This picture was taken when I was about 3 years old on New Year’s Eve by my babysitter Dorothy.  Back then I had long blonde hair and had the wide eyed innocence of youth.   I believed in wishes and dreams.  I wanted most to meet Mickey Mouse and visit
his magic kingdom. 

         My worries were few and far between and at that point were limited to just what I would play with next.  I hated to have anyone mess with my hair at that age and suffered greatly while my mom brushed and styled my locks into those pigtails you see.   Those were the days people still thought I was cute, hell even I think I was cute then, and before I dreaded looking in the mirror to see the reflection looking back trying to figure out why everyone thought I was ugly and wondering what I could do to improve it.  It was before I found out I was ugly.  I learned that as soon as I got to school.  That was a lesson I got the first time and really didn’t need reinforced by my peers.  It hurt, and changed the happy innocence that was captured in this photo.

        This picture was taken last Christmas.  I know, I should have been able to find a more recent one of myself but let’s face it…I take the pictures in my house.   Besides, I generally hate pictures of myself and avoid any cameras that dare to point in my direction if I can help it.  This is the exception.   I actually like this picture of me.    In this picture I am 44 years old.



      My hair is short and brown.  My hair underwent that transformation in about second grade.  One minute I was the relatively cute little girl with the long blond hair and the next I transformed into a girl with short brown hair.  That year’s class picture I had a burger in my nose to highlight my transition which was a forewarning to things to come.  By fourth grade I had acquired the glasses.  This lady has grown comfortable with her short brown hair and glasses and at this point would have it no other way.  She is older.  Even though her eyes sparkle with mischief I see the shadows of the pain she has endured from the death of her parents, surviving spousal abuse, and divorce.  I also see the hard won happiness she has found in her almost 16 years of marriage and the births of her two children.  She is a survivor, plain and simple.  There is wisdom there in those eyes from having to learn the hard way most times and compassion because of the suffering she has endured.  She knows better than anyone her faults, but has finally acquired a like it or lump it attitude.

    In spite of it all, both the little girl in the first picture and the woman in the second picture radiate an air of confidence, contentment, and happiness.  The only real difference is that the woman has finally found comfort in her own skin, even though she still wrinkles her nose at the reflection in the mirror.  The little girl in the picture is simply regards her reflection with recognition.  Both the girl and the woman are me.