Amnesia

NaBloPoMo asks:

Who do you like to be with when you are feeling sad?

       When I am feeling sad, I retreat within myself.  I lose myself in my art, a good book, or my music.  I busy myself reading and commenting on others blogs.  When I really have the blues, I go back to bed and escape reality by sleeping my life away.  Honestly, escaping reality is often my first choice. 

         If I must choose someone, then my kids would be top on my list.  Their hugs are balm to my soul.    They care.  Because my husband is rarely home, I have learned not to rely on him for emotional support.  Half the time I don’t tell him if I am feeling sad because I figure he doesn’t need to worry about it and probably doesn’t want to hear it.  I would rather he worried about finding his way safely back to me than worry about whether I am on the verge of slitting my own throat.  Believe me; the notion crosses my mind from time to time. 

         It is kind of funny that when I am at my lowest point I lurk on Facebook surrounded by the buzz and chatter of my virtual friends.  There are a select few that I will share my burdens with, and they always, always make me feel better.  That is a blessing in itself since the majority of these kindred spirits I have never met in person in my life.  There is a connection, and blogging has brought us together.  I count them as my closest, dearest friends and they know who they are.  It boggles my mind that I am closer to these dear friends than anyone who can claim they are blood relations or who actually have personally met me in the flesh.  It makes me realize that most people that have the pleasure of meeting me must find me sadly lacking. 

         My extended family tends to avoid me like the plague…and honestly most of them I have abandoned on Facebook as well.  I have no desire to surround myself with people who really don’t give a rat’s ass if I live or die.   Fortunately, I have found deleting them from my life and my Face Book has given me a measure of peace that I never experienced when I openly welcomed them into my life and heart.  If I have learned anything from life, it is that you can’t make someone care and being “family” doesn’t guarantee anything.  I often wish I could wake up with amnesia and forget the people who have hurt me, and it is probably why I can relate to the song performed by “5 Seconds of Summer” so well.  I can thank them for my trust issues, my insecurities, and ultimately my inner strength.

This month I am making December a little more joyful with NaBloPoMo!

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