I thought I had seen it all. Then yesterday while driving across town for our annual shopping spree for my son’s birthday I laid eyes on something I can honestly say I had NEVER seen before. I like to think I am pretty open minded and worldly. I even would like to think that I am pretty easy going and adaptable to just about anything, still there are some things in life when presented in an expected way completely blows my mind and in doing so, makes my day.
There is a local business in town that’s primary purpose is to buy people’s unwanted gold. They actually employ a whole bunch of people to stand along side the road and wave a sign at passing motorists. These people probably don’t get paid much to dress up in crazy costumes and wave a sign begging people to part with their gold for cold hard cash. I will admit right here and now that I am a cynic. Even though I have never crossed the threshold of this establishment and have absolutely no intention of doing so in this life time, I am certain to my very core that they buy people’s heirlooms and treasures for a fraction of what they are worth and sell it for big bucks hauling in a major profit. Not only do these people have to stand alongside the road waving a sign in all kinds of weather whether it’s hotter than the blazing fires of hell or colder than a witch’s tits in the Klondike, they do so day in and day out. During the holidays they transform into Santa Claus and the Grinch. In summer a gorilla appears.
Yesterday we spotted this guy dry humping his “Sell your gold for money” sign in broad day light in front of G0d and everyone. On closer inspection, you could see he had headphones in his ears. He was in the zone and had absolutely no cares in the world what anyone must have thought of him. It was a sight that caused immediate laughter, pointing, and resounding thumbs up from our passing vehicle. I haven’t seen anyone making that big of an a$$ of themselves in I can’t even remember when. I didn’t expect it, and would never have imagined it even in my wildest dreams. I wondered what the Sam hell was wrong with this dude. Could he have been on drugs? It makes me wonder when he finally soaked his panties in ecstasy if he got any takers to sell their gold. One thing was for sure, it was pretty obvious he was determined to enjoy his time on the clock. He was self absorbed into his music and didn't give a rat's a$$ who seen it. He could have been in the comfort of his own house.
I laughed myself silly all through town with tears leaking from my eyes and blowing snot from my nose, and came close to peeing my pants. My whole family about died laughing. Never assume you have seen it all, because chances are a sight will present itself to prove you otherwise. If I had to guess what he was listening to on those microscopic headphones, my hyperactive imagination would guess “I’m Sexy and I know it!!” until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.
