I hate it when people stare at me. I find it extremely rude. It drives me completely insane and is one of my pet peeves. My mind instantly tries to find a reason why anyone would be looking at me. Is my fly open? Is my b00b hanging out? Is there a hole that exposes my crotch? What? Take a picture and be on your way! Just quit staring! I would never make it as an actress because I could not tolerate people looking at me.
I have always been extremely protective of my kids. I went through 9 months of hell and a c-section for each just for the privilege of using the mommy title and I’ll be damned if I am going to allow just anyone come along and corrupt my kids. I can do that well enough on my own, thank you very much. I just don’t have the patience. Therefore, If my offspring went outside to play, I went out to supervise or play with them. If one farted, I knew when, who, how loud, and how bad it stunk, especially back when they were toddlers or preschoolers.
I soon noticed all the other parents in the community let their kids run wild with no supervision. I was always appalled to find extremely small children playing in the street unsupervised or toddlers running around in the nude. What the hell!! Put some clothes on your kid. I always wondered where the hell the parents were. Didn’t they care? How rude and presumptuous to simply open the door and let your kids run wild and assume someone else in the neighborhood would supervise them wherever they happen to end up.
One sunny afternoon I was outside with the kids watching them splash about in their kiddy pool. Right next to the pool, I had a sandbox which put together with the water created my own little tropical oasis right outside my door. All of a sudden I had the eerie feeling I was being watched. I looked around to discover a slew of neighbor kids on their bikes parked at the end of our driveway. One kid actually had a bag of chips and was munching along while watching us as if we were animals in the zoo.
I asked them what they wanted, and they gave me the silent treatment at which point my scheming mind decided if they were going to watch us, I was going to get something in the deal. As they continued to stare, I was beginning to get pi$$ed and just wanted them to leave. They wanted an open invitation to join in the fun my kids were having and over my dead body were they going to get it. “Take a picture, it will last longer!” Still nothing! There they sat staring us down, and it was game on. “You are being very rude!” I yelled at my tormentors. At that moment I was hit with divine inspiration. “You want to look then you are going to have to cough up $5.00! My idea grew momentum. That’s right, $5.00 a look! If you haven’t got the money get the hell out of here NOW!” Simultaneously their jaws dropped, their eyes got big, and the kid inhaling chips fell off his bike. I got off my chair and headed purposely toward the small group and they scattered and ran away as fast as they could. I turned around and caught the eye of my oldest and we all burst into a fit of giggles.
Take a picture and leave immediately, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.00. I know they were just fishing for an invitation to join in the fun, but if I would have allowed those kids to join us once, my house would have quickly transformed into the freebie neighborhood daycare and I wasn’t about to let that happen. I didn’t make any money that day. Unfortunately I haven’t been able to get a dime out of anyone who dares stare at me yet, but if I ever do you can bet your last dollar I will share it here until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.
