Friday, February 17, 2012

The Interview


       I have been a stay at home mom for almost 12 years.  During that time period I have fought the demons that have haunted me over the years about attempting to return to work.  How would I ever find a job?  What would I put on a resume after all this time out of the workforce?  What would I use for money to hire a babysitter??  I took the ideal option and stayed home with my kids vowing I would return to work when they went to school.  What holds me from going back to work?  It is fear with a capital F, plain and simple. Fear of rejection, and fear of the unknown.


      Despite the fact that someone noticed me enough to want to meet me in person, my confidence level plummets.  I have always hated the interview process.  I can just imagine the anxiety going up about 10 notches.  What would I say??? Panic would grip my heart! Dear G0d, what would I wear??  I have a great wardrobe for a stay at home mom who writes in her pajamas, but it isn’t that appealing for the working world outside my front door.


        Assuming someone would call me in for an interview I can just imagine how the events would unfold.  First I would be overjoyed that I was being considered and being given a chance.  Then reality would begin to set in.  I would begin to panic as I threw first one outfit then another out of the chaotic hell hole that is my closet. Oh woe is me!!  I would try on several different ensembles in front of my curious assembled menagerie of pets.  “Oh hell no, this is so 11 years ago!!”  “Oh $hit!  I look like an elephant in this!” The panic would escalate as I burrowed deeper into the recesses of the closet.   After repeated exclamations and dismissals I would be left with maybe only one outfit that might do.  I find one black shoe, and then another.  I wonder what the hell I wore when I did work. I don’t honestly remember!!  A quick trip to buy the one thing I would never wear otherwise, pantyhose, and I would be set.




      The day of the interview dawns entirely too early considering I tossed and turned all night and was plagued with a nervous bout of diarrhea every half hour throughout the entire night.  At least they can’t accuse me of being full of $hit.   As I look into the one mirror that came with the house I realize I look as if I had been through the wars.  I scrub my face and search the bathroom for the discarded makeup from yesteryear. Let’s face it; there is no earthly reason to wear it when you never go anywhere.  I slap on some rouge and lipstick and realize that I look like a cheap wh0re who is trying entirely too hard. Oh L0rd!  After scrubbing my face until it is bright pink, I go for the less is more theory.


        Finally I am on my way!!  I arrive early, announce myself to the receptionist, and settle into the farthest chair possible to wait. My palms are hot and sweaty.  My knees are knocking so hard I am sure the efficient little receptionist can hear it clear across the room where she sits staring at a computer. I begin praying and making deals with G0d if He would just help me get the job.  If he would just let me survive this ordeal in one piece!!  Why am I here again, think, think, think??  Do I really want to go back to work?? My brain is a jumble as I wait. The money sure would be welcome my brain tells me.  I hate this!! Why am I here, again??? I want a job. I want to make money again.  The door opens. They will see me now. Oh $hit…here I go!


         All of a sudden I am hit with the question I have dreaded most. “So, what have you been doing in the past 11 years?” The interviewer’s eyes bore into my very soul.  I sit up a little straighter.  “Aside from wiping noses and a$$es you mean?  Did I just say that out loud?”  By the look of the interviewers face, I must have.  The interviewer’s expression is priceless.  I bite my tongue trying hard to contain myself. Tears form in my eyes. I can’t take it anymore.  The fury is unleashed!  The giggles spew forth.  The interviewer looks shocked, smirks, and then discovers the giggles are contagious.  The truth is out.  You can’t UN ring a bell.  I apologize profusely, and thank the interviewer for their time.  In my embarrassment I make a hasty retreat. 


        
       I wake up hyperventilating, drenched in sweat and realize it is only 3 am.  Shaking I comprehend my interview is scheduled for 10 in the morning. OH NO! It is back to the bathroom again until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

26 comments:

  1. Oh my, Kathy, I giggled and giggled, especially when I read that it was just a dream. But, I guess you're really going out for an interview? Anyway, I sending best wishes to you.

    I hadn't been to a job interview for 30 years until last summer. I went a half mile down the road to apply at a call center. I was so nervous too, but I didn't have to worry over the clothing nightmare you experienced. Guess this old lady didn't fit with the young cigarette-sucking workers since I didn't get any response. Oh well, Social Security works pretty well at this time.

    Still having fun reading your blog!

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    1. Betty, actually no. I don't have a job interview lined up. I am not even looking at the moment. This was a writing prompt for the Writers Post group on Face Book. If I did have an interview in the works, this is how I would react without a doubt. I am not quite ready to face that onslaught of rejection and anxiety. Thank you for the best wishes. LOL It was a work of pure fiction with a dash real life emotion and reaction thrown in for good measure. Thanks for stopping by to read and comment. I am so pleased you got a giggle out of it!

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    2. That's kinda what I figured because I know you've been doing some story writing for challenges, etc. in recent months around your own experiences. However, I hear tell it's much harder to get a job these days and, in some fields, the interview process is horrendous.

      In the 60s and 70s, I didn't have any problem getting the job I went after. And, my husband was being moved a lot. But when we moved in 1980, it took a lot of work -- over a year and the third job, to get back in my career path. Stayed with it for nearly 20 years, going back later doing freelance, temporary and then part-time work for eight years. It was great, but since I can't be doing what I was used to, I'm ever so glad to be retired! Think I'm gradually getting back to the love of blogging after that fiasco with WSB.

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    3. Betty, that is what I have heard to and the whole prospect scares me. From what I have heard it has taken lots of people over a year or longer to get another job. You were burned pretty badly by WSB and it is no wonder you are gun shy about blogging at this point. Thanks for stopping by to read and comment again!

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  2. I totally get it Kathy, since I retired from the FD I have tried for a couple of jobs and haven't had any response, what good are firefighters in the real world? Not much I have found out.

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    1. Fireman, that is too bad!! It is so hard to get a job these days. A lot of the problem is that not only is there not as many jobs, but there are an over abundance of people who are unemployed. Companies have their pick of people so they can be extremely picky. Thank you for stopping by to read and comment!!

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  3. What a great writing prompt. I've been a SAHM for six years, and I love it. I can't imagine going back to work and taking orders, let alone explaining what I'm doing and why I have the skills needed. I do in-home child care, and that's enough.

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    1. Stacy, I love staying home too. Who would not love to? I think you need a special gift to take care of other peoples kids. I like my own but shudder to think of myself surrounded by a whole pack of someone else's children! Yikes!Thank you for stopping by to read and comment! I am so pleased you enjoyed it!

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  4. Once again you have made me giggle. You are just so much fun. Love the story.

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    1. KAT, I am so pleased you enjoyed reading my blog and got a giggle from it!! Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read and leave such a lovely comment.

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  5. Seriously? OMG, I am so laughing at the mental picture you drew. Loved it! In reality though, you could make it happen if you wanted it. The imagined is almost always worse than the reality! Thanks for the chuckles. ♥

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    1. Jo, you are probably right. I am a lot older and more confident and determined than I ever was when I was interviewed before. I am so pleased you enjoyed my post and you got a good chuckle out of it. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments!

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  6. Cute post. If you mess up an interview, nothing is going to be any worse for you. You'd just be in the same situation you're in now–wondering if you really want to go back to work. So relax. If it is meant to be it will, and if not...

    Joyce
    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/

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    1. Joyce, if I have learned anything in life it is that if it is meant to be...it will be. I don't mind where I am right now. I enjoy writing and would love to make more money doing it than what I do. I have no delusions though. After this long without a job, I think it would be quite an adjustment to go back and be on a strict schedule. This ole girl is set in her ways, and I like things the way they are. If I did go back I would want to be doing something fun. I have always hyperventilated about the unknown. It is how I work. When it gets down to brass tacks I always handle whatever it is just fine. LOLThank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments.

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  7. Love it, Kathy! This is hilarious, and I can so feel the pain and anxiety. Sounds like the shape I would be in if I were going to an interview :)

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    1. Theresa, it is a scary thought! I am so pleased you enjoyed my post. The funny thing is...I would really react this way and maybe a whole lot worse!!! LOL In my time at home I have dropped that little "professional mask" I once wore at work. I have been home left to my own devices for all this time and the real me has appeared front and center. I pretty much say whatever comes into my head and tell it just like it is. The reserve is completely gone. Even when I worked I had diarrhea of the mouth. My boss took me aside one day and asked me if I had a walk man. I did of course. He told me to bring it to work, and wear it. It worked like a lucky charm to help me keep my big mouth shut and focus at the task at hand. I can't imagine finding another job that would be as ideal for me than the one I left. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments. I am so pleased you got a laugh out of it!!!

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  8. You are such a hoot! When (if) the time comes when you do schedule an interview, you'll do just fine. And if for some reason you don't, it'll be a learning experience for the one after that.

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    1. Word Nerd, thank you for your belief in me!! Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments. I am so pleased you got a laugh out of my post.

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  9. I totally understand that fear especially since I've been at home for the last 12 years myself. Great post but I have thought about that question a lot this past year.

    I have a great response to that question. I ran my own business, learned networking skills, writing, marketing, computer, and some more I can't think of at the moment. Being back in school will also help me when it's time to get back to work. Honestly I think I want to stay self-employed. I'm also taking classes to help me achieve my goals.

    It really is food for thought for moms who haven't had a job outside the home for several years.

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    1. Bonnie, it is more than food...it is a whole banquet of thoughts!! It sounds like you are primed to step up to the plate and rejoin the work force. I really think I would love to be self-employed, but unlike you...I have no earthly clue how to go about it. I admire you for going after what you want!! Thank you for stopping by, reading, and putting in your two cents and giving me some food for thought.

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  10. Oh, I can so relate to this post! I was a stay at home mom for three years before I was forced to go back to work. I underwent the same angst, panic, and fear, thinking I wouldn't be "marketable" after having been out of the work field for so long. Fortunately, I was given the opportunity and the minute I started work, everything fell into place seamlessly. I hope the same happens to you! :)

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    1. Bella, when that day comes I hope it does too!! Thank you so much for stopping in to read and comment!!

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  11. Funny, Kathy! Great job with the pictures that take you through your story!

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    1. Beachlover, I am so pleased you enjoyed my story and the pictures. I love putting together the whole package...even the music is designed to go with the complete package. :D Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments!

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  12. The economy is down--but NEVER sell yourself short. Believe it or not--you have a lot to offer. And if you have an interview coming up--I know you are going to do GREAT. Just remember--they may have had the Sh1ts the night before right along with you!! Just because they are conducting the interview doesn't mean they aren't real just like you and me!! :D NOW there is an image to keep in mind the next time you go on an interview! Cheers, Jenn

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    1. Jenn, if the day ever comes that I decide to try to get a job and have an interview lined up, I will be getting a hold of you for a good old fashioned pep talk!! You are really good at it! Thank you for stopping by to read and comment!!!!

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