Regrets are a part of life. Not a very nice part of life, but part of it just the same and everyone has them. People that claim they have no regrets about anything are either saints or just plain liars. Regrets haunt you everyday of your life and there is no where to hide from them. You find a way to cope and you go on the best you can.
Before my Grandma died she and I got into a wicked fight. I was tired of hearing her bad mouth my dad, my sister, and my husband. The real kicker was that as soon as I quit my job to be a stay at home mother, I became a failure and nobody in her book. She didn’t think I should have married my husband and thought I was nuts to have a baby. I went ahead and married the love of my life anyways and three years later had a baby. Two babies in all truth be told, but the second didn’t arrive until after her death. After my mom died she tried to replace the daughter she lost with me. She wanted me at her beck and call 24/7. I just couldn’t do it. I had a mother and she was the best. I didn’t want another one. I had a baby and husband who I thought the world of to devote my time to and I didn’t need the drama. So we fought and I told her I was done. I never spoke to her or saw her again. Before the year ended she was dead. Resigned I went on with my life and tried to remember the happy times with my Grandma before the upheaval. I regret not resolving our issues before she died and telling her I was sorry. Now she haunts my dreams and her memory gnaws at my heart when I let it.
There are some people that cross your path in life that will hate you no matter what. With people like that you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. After years of trying desperately to trust my sister and like her, years of getting screwed over by her, and years of being treated like dirt and a 3rd class citizen by her, I finally gave up on her and moved on. She despises me no matter what, is vengeful, and is two faced. I wish her well. I regret that we couldn’t have been real sisters in this life. I regret all the lost years. I regret that we couldn’t have been close and friends. It is what it is. We were meant to walk in different directions down different paths. I have accepted that fact but there still are days I wonder if only things could have been different.
Death is final whether figuratively with a dead relationship or in reality with the physical loss of someone. Either way death is final and irreversible. I will never know what might have been, but I do know I will put up my walls and no one will hurt me again like they did. There are some days you can’t stop the regrets, but then you harden your heart and strengthen your resolve and focus on the good memories and try unsuccessfully to forget the bad. You keep looking ahead and moving forward with your life rarely looking back.
Glad you are looking ahead--- looking back never solves much.
ReplyDeletePatrick, took me a while to figure that one out for myself! Thank you for stopping by and for your kind comments! ♥
DeleteI agree with Patrick. It's a hard thing, but we can't live today or tomorrow if we're still stuck in yesterday, right?
ReplyDeleteLarissa, the past can and will eat you alive if you let it. I have let it go and in the process have felt remarkable peace. The only place it really gnaws at me is in my dreams which are really more like nightmares. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments. It is so nice to see you!! ♥
DeleteFamily can be so difficult. Thank you for the touching and relate-able post. It always helps see other people have the same struggles.
ReplyDeleteM. Blank, families are difficult. I am trying to raise my kids as friends so that they always have each other. I think it is important for home to be a safe haven. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments. ♥
DeleteGreat posts. I have lots of regrets too, but all I can do is move on. Your grandmother sounds like my mom. Very, very difficult to deal with.
ReplyDeleteJoJo, she really could be a lot of fun. After my mom died she changed...a lot. Her grief transformed her. She had rheumatoid arthritis and the pain transformed her. She became difficult, bitter, and a tad manipulative. She was big on the guilt trips and even if you had spent the whole day with her the day before, she would bitch that she hadn't seen you in forever. Thank you for stopping by and for your kind comments. ♥
DeleteIf I really had to, I could come up with a few things I regret, but there really is nothing that I would change about my past. I mended fences as best I could with best friend turned enemy. I've stayed in touch with my Dad who I'd otherwise be estranged from. I don't think I'm a saint and I don't think I'm a liar.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a religious person at all, but I do believe that our souls go somewhere after we die. I bet your grandmother, no matter how difficult she was, knows how you feel now. I bet she forgives you as you have clearly forgiven her. As for your sister, I also believe that if a relationship with anyone takes more out of you than you get in return, it's not healthy. I hope things change, but if not, know you did all that you could. There is nothing to regret if you did all that you could.
B from http://brandysbustlings.blogspot.ca/
Brandy, thank you for your kind words. Any relationship that I have ever had with my sister has always been a disaster. Mentally I just can't deal with going there again. I can't try again so I avoid her like the plague and feel a twinge of guilt for it. As far as my grandma goes, I hope she knows that I am sorry. Thank you for stopping by and for your kind comments! ♥
DeleteRegrets are always hard. They make it difficult for us to move on and live our life the way we wish to live it. I'm sorry about your grandmother and your sister. As they say, family can sometimes be the most difficult part of our life. But I'm glad you're looking ahead. No way to go but forward no matter what our past has been.
ReplyDeleteAnne, for all intents and purposes I have moved on with my life. I try to forget, but then subconsciously it must all really bother me a lot because I dream about it. I think that is why I am adamant about my kids getting along and having my home life be a loving fun environment. It is, and it has been and I am grateful for that. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments! ♥
DeleteLooking ahead is all we can do. The past is past and can't be changed. Sounds like you've had some very rough times, Kathy and I sympathize. Thanks for joining the blog hop.
ReplyDeleteDebbie, honestly I take one day at a time. I don't try to look forward or back. I only live for today. Thank you for stopping in to read and for your kind comments! ♥
DeleteIt's always hard when people force you to choose between them and someone/something else, Kathy. I'm glad you followed your heart. There are exercises you can do to heal yourself - and find and give forgiveness to your Grandmom. You do not have to live with guilt, my friend. ♥
ReplyDeleteCorinne, I would love to know what those exercises are! Thank you for stopping by and for your kind comments! ♥
DeleteRegret is such a powerful, heavy thing. We all have it, but we can travel much lighter if we leave the regret behind us and look forward.
ReplyDeleteKatie, no truer words have ever been said. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your insightful comments! ♥
DeleteI have a lot of regrets, too, and I often dwell on them, even though I know I should just move on. I find that I can sometimes "write them out" in poetry, and that helps greatly.
ReplyDeleteDana, it is wonderful you have an out in your writing. Thank you for stopping by and for your kind comments!
DeleteI don't really have many regrets. There may be things I'm not proud of not many things I would change. I like where I am and worry any 'do overs' would put me in a different place. Maybe that's just my way of coping...I'm so lucky to have a great relationship with my mother and sister (and Nana when she was alive). Enjoyed the post, per usual:)
ReplyDeleteTayla, I am pleased you enjoyed my post. I am happy with the way my life is right now. There are times I can't help but wish things were different when it comes to my sister but...those times are few and far between. Thank you for stopping by and for your kind comments.
DeleteYou keep moving forward but don't build walls and harden your heart, I tried that and you only hurt yourself.You have to love and connect with everyone, it's what we should all be doing really. Things all happen as they are meant to. I have a brother who hates me with a passion but I've finally realised its his problem not mine and it's really himself he hates, it's sad but it is what it is. You sound like you made the right choices for you and some people can't stand that so they try to destroy it. Look at yourself through their eyes and you will see the green eyed monster maybe lurking. Good luck and I enjoy your honesty and wish you well.
ReplyDeleteMaggie, what you say makes a lot of sense and I appreciate and value your wisdom. Thank you for stopping by and for your kind helpful comments.
DeleteI find I dont have a lot of regrets. I have only one I can think of and only because of the outcome not because I think it was the wrong thing to do. With the same circumstances and info I would do the same thing....
ReplyDeleteZoe, put that way I would have done the same thing and made the same decisions too. Thank you for stopping by and for your kind comments!
DeleteI'm sorry you went through that. You did nothing wrong. It sounds like your grandmother had some anger issues and didn't deal fairly with you. Wishing you happiness and peace.
ReplyDeleteOpal, thank you for your kind words and for stopping by.
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