Thursday, June 20, 2013

Siblings


      I remember when I first married my husband my grandma telling me I couldn’t just have one baby.  I needed to have at least two.  She was convinced that a child would be better off with a brother or sister.  After my Dad died, I yearned for a son that I could name after him.  Before a year passed I was pregnant and I got my little boy who I named after my Dad.




   
  I will never forget when I found out I was pregnant.  My daughter told me she had prayed for a brother and couldn’t wait to go pick him up.  She actually asked me if we could go get the baby the next day.  Unfortunately, it takes a little longer than a day for a pregnancy. 




     I have to admit I had another reason for wanting a brother for my daughter.  I had a sister who I never got along with.  Our relationship had been chaotic and a nightmare from hell from the start.  I never see her and we don’t speak.  It is like not having a sister at all.  In the long run, it is better this way.  The fighting, hatred, and drama just isn’t worth getting together for.  Life is too short.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t think about her sometimes.  I wish her well.  I do.  It is just that it is pointless to have any kind of relationship with her.  It is too much water under the bridge as they say.



      Because of the hellacious relationship my sister and I have shared,   I feel even more blessed and relieved that my kids get along and probably always will.  My family is important to me, although I know a lost cause when I see it.  I remember telling my dad before he died that once he was gone there would be no reason why I would have to put up with her crap anymore.  He was saddened by my statement but he understood better than anyone could.  Like a prophecy my words that day became reality.  One truth remains…you don’t get to choose who you are related to.  You can only do the best you can and live your life.  

     

32 comments:

  1. That is exactly right! In relationships, family or otherwise, you can only control your own actions. Too bad, too, cuz some people NEED to be controlled.

    Nothing makes me sadder than when two of my kids are fighting. It's so painful. But like I said, I can only control me.

    Good job, Kathy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jo, thank you for stopping by and for your kind comments! ♥

      Delete
  2. How long has it been, Kathy? People do grow up and maybe if it's been awhile it may be time to call her and start with a phone chat. It couldn't hurt to call and say, "Hello." If the conversation doesn't go well, leave her alone for a year or two and then try again. If you have a good talk, you may start the healing process. Or perhaps you could start by sending her a birthday card on her birthday. Family is too important to throw away. Please don't give up forever.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Joyce, it has been years. I don't have her number and I don't know where she lives. I have seen her out and about before and she glared at me. If looks could kill, I would be dead. I ignored her as if she wasn't there. This thing has went on my whole life. Things are the way they are and it is for the best. Thank you for your kind words and for stopping in! ♥

      Delete
    2. That's sad. I'm sure it does/would upset your parents terribly.

      Delete
    3. Kathy, not sure what my folks would have thought. Before my Dad died he and I had the conversation about this topic and while he was a person that didn't mind being screwed over and treated like dirt by family, he could see my point and understood why I felt the way I did. He was a person that kept going back for more no matter what and he understood how miserable it made me. He knew how she was. Above all else he wanted me to be happy. My sister drove my mom nuts and they never really got along and kind of had a distant relationship. Being a parent myself it would devastate me if my kids didn't get a long but I have never ever once told either of my children that this one is mine and you are his like was drilled into my head from little on up. It wasn't until my mom died when I really started to get closer to my Dad. Growing up in my family was probably a different dynamic than most people have. I am resolved to not have that with my own kids. My husband and I love both our children equally and they know it. There is never any doubts or favoritism going on. There is never this feuding for attention. It is hard to explain to someone without them having lived it.

      Delete
  3. It is sad that you don't get along with your sister--but then again, you need to do what is best for you and your family. If your family is better off without all the drama and chaos that relationship brings then you need to keep your distance. I know you've tried, but sometimes others just never change.

    ((HUGS))

    Jenn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jenn, I am better off without all the drama and chaos. She is over 50 now, and not likely to change too much. At that point people are pretty set in their ways. Thank you for stopping in and for your kind comments! ♥

      Delete
  4. It's sad when family members can't get along, but, if it doesn't work despite your best efforts, so be it. Life is too short to have toxic people in your life. As Joyce said though, sometimes people do change. Might be worth investigating. You never know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Debbie, I agree completely. I don't need toxic people in my life that hate me anyways. Thank you for stopping in and for your kind comments! ♥

      Delete
  5. That's sad that you don't get along with your sister. But agree - we just don't need drama in our lives.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Suzy, for years I wanted so much more in that relationship. I just don't have the tolerance to try again and be screwed over the second by back is turned. Life is too short and I don't need it. Thank you for stopping in and for your kind comments. ♥

      Delete
  6. I could have written the sibling part of your post, but insert my "brother" and it is the same. Sad, right? I am one of 6 sibs, 3 boys and 3 girls Only 1 brother I don't get a long with, and it does make me very sad when I allow myself to think about it. He has always been difficult, and self absorbed, and still "picks" on me and I am 46! Mom always said he put me down to make himself feel better (ugh) but that is just sad. I try not to freak out at holidays to keep the peace for my family, but it is now June and haven't spoken with him since Christmas. I am very close to all my other sibs, and they all say ignore him, but I no longer can. It bothers me, but nothing I can do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Winnie, it is sad but what are you going to do? I know how you feel. I had to make peace with it and let it go. Only then, did it finally stop tormenting me. Thank you so much for stopping in and for your kind comments. ♥

      Delete
  7. was touched by reading this anecdote. Bad that it didnt work between u and ur sis but some times drifting apart is the only soln left I understand and its with siblings of both genders :)
    God bless u and ur kids !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Afshan, thank you for your kind words and for stopping in! ♥

      Delete
  8. A delightful story, sad in part, but wonderfully positive.

    Blessings and Bear hugs!
    Bears Noting
    Life in the Urban Forest (poetry)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rob-bear, so pleased you stopped by! Thank you for your comments! ♥

      Delete
  9. It's sad when family members don't get along, but there's only so much you can do if the other person refuses to meet you halfway.

    I have a son and a daughter, too. It warms my heart to see how much they mean to each other. :)

    Have a lovely weekend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dana, like you I am so happy my kids get along as well as they do especially considering how my relationship with my sister turned out. Thank you for stopping by and for your kind comments! ♥

      Delete
  10. I always wanted a big brother or two but I lived in anxiety that my mom would have a kid after me and I'd be left out of everything and forced to babysit or share my already tiny room. I wanted nothing to do with babies, even when I was a kid. I was extremely jealous of an infant cousin, when I was 9, when their family came to visit. Everyone doted on the baby and tried to involve me but I wanted nothing to do with holding her or helping or diapers. It's funny b/c as we got older, she & I became very close and used to write all the time; and she even stayed w/ me in my apartment overnight, when she was 13 & I was 22 & they were visiting the Cape. But of course now that I'm in my late 40s, I wish I had a sibling!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JoJo, for me I would have liked to have had a brother or even been an only child. The way things are, I might as well be an only child. She has never really been around anyways. Thank you for stopping in and for your kind comments! ♥

      Delete
  11. I feel really fortunate to have six sibs and to have been on speaking terms with all of them. I am not as close to my two oldest brothers but overall we all get along and I know I wouldnt want to be without my sisters. I think I would do anything for either of them. I am sorry you didnt have that but how great are you to be able to nurture it in your own kids despite your loss?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Zoe, that is awesome for you!! I envy you so much. I have tried my hardest to ensure my kids understand they are in it together. One day mom and daddy will be gone and they will have each other. That is very important to me. I want them to have families and go back and forth and get together. I want them to have what I don't. Sometimes friends come and go, but I want them to always have each other and they get along really well. Thank you for stopping by and for your kind comments! ♥

      Delete
  12. I am so fortunate to be close to my sister and mother:))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tayla, that is a blessing indeed. There are a lot of dysfunctional families out there. I know I am not alone...but there are equally a lot of people like you who are blessed to have a close knit family. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments!

      Delete
  13. that's so disturbing to me -- I don't have 2 girls but 2 boys and they've started to fight and become really competitive. They're entirely different species and I haven't figured out if that is good or bad. I don't mind the issues now but I do pray that as adults they will be close again as there is not much extended family for support once we are gone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sandra, I understand your worry completely because I have those same worries for my own children. I guess that is why I make getting along such a priority. I don't pit one kid against the other like my folks did to me and my sister. I try to diffuse situations because they are family. Thank you for stopping by and for your kind comments!!

      Delete
    2. sandra, i have two boys... and very different in most aspects, one is gay, one is very athletic; one is hyper-happy, one is moody; and well, they are also 8 years apart in age, so there are times when relating isn't the easiest thing for them to do - they definitely have their disagreements, but both respect each others differences... (and i make a big deal out of it when i witness their kindness to one another, without being obnoxious, reminding them that they will always be able to depend on each other, and trust each other, like no other).... they believe me... :)

      Delete
    3. Danneromero.com, awesome!!

      Delete
  14. yes, kathy.. it's about the value of a relationship that's important... blood related or not... enjoy your children...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Danneromero.com, I thank God everyday for each of them and how well they get along. Thank you for stopping in and for your kind comments! ♥

      Delete