Letters Unsent

This letter is in response to the Write Tribe writer's prompt "Letter's Unsent". While I struggled with this prompt, I woke up this morning and the words and tears flowed. So, thank you...I needed that.

To My Dearest Friend, 

    It seems unbelievable to me that nearly 20 years have passed since we last laughed.  Tomorrow it will be exactly 20 years to the day since you left.  I learned so much from you Mom.  Didn’t we have fun?  Oh the memories we shared!  I know you didn’t want to go, but had little choice.  I knew as soon as I found you your pain was finally gone and you were at peace.  You looked joyful and I have carried that image with me ever since.  It was at that point I realized my life would never be the same.  To be honest, I never once believed you would actually die and leave me.  Maybe that is why the loss rocked me to my very core for years after.

     From your life and death I learned that life is all about changes and that nothing stays the same.  I learned friendships don’t last.  All those so called best friends I had throughout school that dropped me one after another were only ever acquaintances.  You would disagree with me once you knew they were friends with me on Face Book.  I can hear you know saying “Kathy, look at all the friends you have!!”  What I have learned is most people who friend you there only want the connection.  Their inborn curiosity demands to know your business and take a glimpse into your life.  With social networks they can do that without ever having to really connect with you in person.  Still the encouragement I find there gives me so much comfort.

         I can finally look back and understand that friendships are fleeting.  They never last.    After your death I made up my mind that I would never waste my time on believing someone was my best friend again unless they were my family as you were.  They come and they go plain and simple and it is best not to get too attached but to appreciate them while they are here and let them go when they are ready.  It is amazing to me how people pass through one’s life.  Still there are a couple of those Face Book friends who have touched my heart.  One in particular chats with me constantly.  It is amazing that she and I have never met in person but I know if we did, we would be the best of friends!!

     You will be happy to know that I have a daughter who is the image of you and of me.  I also have a son who I love to pieces.  You would have loved them both so much and it breaks my heart that you never got to meet
them. I know you would loved my husband and I know he would have loved you. They have become my best friends in your stead.   I thank God for my memories where you still live so vividly and I can’t wait until the day when I see you again.  I realize now how lucky I was to have a best friend in you.  I know now, you weren’t perfect but I also know that I loved you with every fiber of my being, that I would of done anything for you I could and did, and that with you I have no regrets.  Twenty years later, my heart still aches for you and the tears still flow.  Don't worry Mom, I am OK, really!  I love you.  I promise I will see you again!!

 Love, Me