Cold Haiku

unemotional

volcanic gazes frozen

hearts broken, love lost

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Hot and Cold

Welcome to day 22 of BlogFest 2012!!  Today’s writing prompt is brought to us today by Betty at Today’s Baker.  

    What can be hot and cold?  Well let’s see, men, women, the weather, food, women who are hormonal, and all the above.   Why do I feel like dancing and singing the heat and snow miser song and kicking up my heels??  Living in the heart of the Midwest I get my fill of one day hot and  the next day cold every fall.  This week in particular has been a great example of that.  Today it reached 75 degrees.  Tomorrow the forecast is on the opposite end of the spectrum with the high only expected to reach 51 degrees tops and a low temperature plummeting to 34 degrees.  It is quite the drastic difference, but fairly normal for this time of year.   You aren’t quite sure whether to run the air conditioner or the heat.  Course half the time I am not sure whether to wind my a$$ or my watch anyways so I wing it.   It is just enough temperature change to insure that most people will be sick as hell and death warmed over by Monday after a weekend of rollercoaster temperatures and living life to the max.  If they aren’t sick, they will be calling in to proclaim they are sick simply because if they didn’t catch the latest bug their kids have and they are sure to have it SOON.

 

     As far as the hormonal tidal waves of hot and cold go, I am approaching the golden age when I can expect to be hotter than the blazes of hell even if I am standing half naked in a$$ deep snow in sub zero temperatures.  On second thought, maybe I am already there!  I am the nut who has to have it cold in the bedroom to sleep and pay absolutely no never mind to traipsing out barefooted in the snow to dig up a dog leash in my nightgown.  A lot of that is because I am simply to lazy to be bothered with shoes, after all it isn’t that far to go and not that long I will be out in the elements so WHY waste my time with shoes and a coat?  Yeah, I am different that way.  Usually I am half asleep and half past give a $hit when I let the dogs out to whiz in the center of the night anyway.  A person can’t be expected to dress appropriately then, right?    Besides I can count the minutes until I will be snug as a bug and warm in my little bed once again.  My husband is paranoid about being seen, but I really don’t care.  With half the world women and the other half men, chances are you are one or the other so what’s the big deal?  Most people have seen it before.  Every now and then you will see someone that has all the parts, which is different and definitely a reason to stare, but if you are normal there really is no big deal.  Maybe you just got to air it out.

      I am going to go off on a tangent, so bear with me.  If I have to drink water it has got to be ice cold.  No other kind of water will do.  I don’t want to just wet my whistle.   I want to be refreshed.  In my world, soup was meant to be HOT.  It should always be hot, end of story.  One time I was staying at the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island and they served cold cucumber soup for dinner in the dining room as a precursor to prime rib.  I remember it well.  When you stay at the Grand Hotel, they expect you to dress for dinner.  You can’t just waltz in wearing a t shirt and jeans.  They expect women in a dress and men to be in dress pants and a dinner jacket.  Seriously, I kid you not.  I waltzed in hungry enough to eat the a$$hole out of a skunk and they served me cold green soup.  Ewwww!!!  I thought they had FORGOT to cook it, then realized they MEANT to serve it that way.  Needless to say, after our expensive dinner we went back to the room, changed into normal vacation clothes (casual shirt and jeans) and walked to town and ate our fill of burgers and fries at a local bar.

      Considering I had absolutely no clue what I would write for this prompt letting my mind ramble has got me a blog written which is good enough for me until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Hot or Cold?

      The question from NaBloPoMo today is whether I would rather have it very hot or very cold outside.  This is an easy one for me.  When given the choice if I would rather freeze my a$$ off or sweat like a pig I will go with freezing my a$$ off every single time.

       I have suffered heat stroke many times in my life.  I am just not a person that can handle the heat at all.  My first major run in with heat stroke was when I decided to take up using a tanning bed.  I worked next door to a tanning store at the time, so it seemed only natural to drift next door and sign up for a package.  I bought a tube of Swedish Beauty tanning lotion, lathered up, and prepared to bake in the tanning bed.  One night I just became entirely too hot during my tanning session.  I rushed home feeling unwell where I proceeded to vomit uncontrollably.  My boss at the time had been worried about me and decided to stop by and check up on me after she closed up for the night.  She found me deathly sick, burning up, and with a violent case of the chills.  She ran me a bath of tepid water and stayed with me until I began to feel better.  A doctor later confirmed I had a heat stroke and to be very careful in the future.  I gave up tanning beds after that little nightmare.

       

      It is always hotter than the blazes of hell when our county fair is in full swing.  Last year I desperately wanted to take my kids for wristband day at the fair.  My husband was home and we were going to go as a family.  We waited while our kids lined up and rode the rides.  All of a sudden I felt unwell and dizzy.  I went directly to the medical building at the fairgrounds where I proceeded to vomit uncontrollably until I was given a shot to stop me.  I was severely dehydrated and once again suffering from heat stroke.

        After that little catastrophe I realize I just don’t handle the heat well.  On the flipside of the coin, I love snow and the bitter cold that goes with it.  When it is cold outside you can always add another layer of clothing and be moving right along.  When it is hotter than the blazes of hell, all you can do is strip down and stay in the air conditioning.    Unless you live at the Playboy mansion, walking around naked just isn’t acceptable.  Armed with air conditioners and a swimming pool, I am ready to endure the summer heat while continuing to dream of future white Christmas’s until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.