Redo? - Hit the Rewind Button

     Over the course of my life I have often wished I could go back and redo some things.  If I had the chance I would have reacted differently, and maybe taken my head out of my a$$ long enough to contemplate the big picture before I acted or opened my mouth.  If only I could have just calmed down and relaxed a little about life while living it!

      Ultimately, the downfall of life is there is no rewind button. We go through life doing the best we can.  We try, fail, and try again.  No one is perfect and we all are capable of mistakes.  The beauty of mistakes is our ability to learn from them and come out the other end better and smarter people for it.   Some of my stupidest mistakes have made for the best and funniest stories.  Who wouldn’t want to redo that moment when you had your head up you’re a$$ and backed into that other person’s car at Target?  Who wouldn’t have wanted to have removed your head from you’re a$$ before you ran head long into the men’s room with a camera sporting a zoom lens?  Who wouldn’t want to redo that moment when you realized you locked your keys in your car?  Who wouldn’t want to go back and choose NOT to wear that outfit with the zipper from neck to crotch that slid painstakingly all the way down in front of a classroom of people?  There are millions of little “Oh $hit” moments that could stand a wave of the re do wand.  The thing is, once it is out there and done, there is no going back.   

        For instance, if I could go back and do things over I would have never got married at the tender age of 20.  I would have waited until the love of my life came along when I was 28 and married once, for forever.   I would have never quit college. I would have stayed, stuck it out, and got my degree then and there.  G0d only knows what I would have done with it if I had it, but at least I would have completed it, and have it to my credit to flaunt.  It doesn’t really matter a tinkers damn that I went to college now since I never got the degree.  It is like time wasted.  I can already imagine many of you in the peanut gallery proclaiming I can always go back.  This may be true, but at this point in my life my biggest question would be “WHY?”  It seems like a waste of time and money.  I am past the point of wanting to please a teacher for a grade in the hopes I might learn something.  I would rather please a boss and earn money if a job was to be had, and better yet please myself.  At this point my hopes are for my children and their bright futures and helping them find happiness.  My time has passed. I know I sound like I am 105 at 43, but there just aren’t funds for everyone to have a dream.  

       If I could do things differently I would have tried to nurture friendships in school which could have lasted throughout my life. Other people did it.  I might have been able to do it too.  That is not saying that I would want to be stuck in “high school” forever with the same people, different day.  Still, some bosom friends that have seen me through thick and thin, sick and sin, throughout the highs and lows of life would have been nice.   I shouldn’t have walked away from high school without looking back at the folks I left behind.  I always kept to myself holding others at arms length in high school.  At the time I felt those folks had 4 years to get to know me and be friends.  They had plenty of time.   If I could do that over I would have not got hung up panting after one idiot but would have realized that life was a lot bigger and lasts a lot longer than high school. It was not the end all or be all of life.  Sure there were those select few that married their high school sweethearts but most people found their true loves later in life elsewhere.
                

     Although I would love to redo some things, I can’t.  Without the broken road of life I have traveled I wouldn't know or appreciate where I am today and how I got to this point.  No redo needed for this girl, I am good.   So that is my take on redoing things, no matter how many times I rewrite it, or slice it until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.