All day as I racked my brains for “E” words the same story about my Dad kept coming to mind. Since it won’t leave me and time is a wasting on an “E” post for today I am going to grab the bull by the balls and tell it.
Back in January 2004 my Dad had a stroke. He was in the hospital for 2 whole months before he died there. When you have a stroke part of your brain dies. You lose abilities that you need to function. You may lose speech, your judgment, or even lose your ability to use your arms or legs. My Dad was always a funny guy but at least before the stroke he had a little decorum. Once he had a stroke, anything that popped in his head pretty much was guaranteed to pop out of his mouth oftentimes with hilarious and somewhat embarrassing results.
One night a nurse came into his room to help him prepare for his bath. Because of the stroke, my Dad was confined to a wheelchair by that point and his grins were lopsided. She was a happy, cheery nurse and she asked my Dad if he was ready for his bath. Out of the clear blue sky he looked at her with his lopsided grin and asked “Eileen, is that your name?” She smiled a big huge cheeky grin and replied “Why yes, that is my name!” Before she could even bat an eye my dad replied “If I lean over, will you kiss my ass?”
My mouth dropped. My eyes watered. The nurse’s smile froze. “I don’t believe anyone has ever said that to me before!” she sputtered. “Well, will you?” he persisted and I lost it. I laughed so hard I almost peed in my pants! After Eileen’s initial shock, she laughed too. We all laughed. I will never know if she puckered up or not. Visiting hours were over and unfortunately at that point it was time for me to go. I laughed all the way home. Looking back, I wonder if Eileen ever was asked that question again or if that was the first and the last time.
1. Having my husband home and my little family all together. 2. Seeing my son’s school bus come to a stop in front of our house, open its doors, and see my son burst through and run for the house hell bent for election with a smile that rivals the sun especially for me as he barrels inside and envelopes me in a big bear hug. 3. My kid’s declarations of love. 4. Watching my kids dance. 5. Dancing with my kids before that moment when I collapse all sweaty and out of breath. 6. The way the scenery reflects into water. 7. Sitting on the couch and immediately being surrounded by all my doggies on every side snuggled against me. 8. Whenever my cat purrs. 9. Hearing my kids laugh! 10. Singing along to a song I love. 11. Getting 100% on my quizzes for my Web Design course. 12. Snow 13. A sunny day. 14. Flowers of any kind that I haven’t managed to kill. 15. Giggles. 16. My dog’s farts. 17. Really, anyone’s farts, especially my own. I love those. Farts are friends and are fun as long as you don’t cream your jeans in the bargain. That is simply AWKWARD, messy, and smelly. 18. My daughter’s laugh. 19. My son flexing his twig and giggle berries. 20. Having anyone but me get covered in my dog Jolly’s fart juice. 21. Getting called to come in to work…which doesn’t happen near enough I might add. 22. Lovely comments on my blog proving someone actually reads my words and enjoys it. 23. Pulling off something and getting away with it!! 24. Saying something off the wall that people don’t expect and then running away. 25. Hiding whoopee cushions under unsuspecting souls that are pious and really need to lighten up and smile. 26. Pride in my kid’s accomplishments. 27. Pride in my own accomplishments. 28. Taking a great picture. 29. Reading something that warms my heart. 30. Handling a situation on my own that I would have never thought I could. 31. Fireworks 32. Cotton Candy 33. Actual weight loss accomplished Obviously I could go on and on because the world is such a big place and there are so many reasons to smile. I love to smile at people I don’t know and have them smile back. It makes me happy that my smile has maybe brightened their day…even for a moment.
When I was younger, I was quiet, somewhat shy, and very serious. I didn’t reveal my true personality to many people. I bottled myself up inside. Then I went through a season of tears which made me even more introverted.
As I got older something changed. I snapped. All of a sudden, not only was I a lot more outgoing, but the giggles that had been suppressed for so long seemed to explode from my person. I discovered a very revealing truth. I would rather laugh than cry. For starters, laughing is a hell of a lot more fun, and second…too much boo flipping hooing is not only depressing but it tends to give you a snot nose for the rest of the day. Who wants that?? After a while, I decided I didn’t. I no longer wanted to sweat the small stuff. I am having an uphill battle trying to instill that into my kids. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Only get worked up over the big stuff. I mean really, did anyone die?? I found out first hand when my parents died that of all moments in life…that was a good moment to cry your eyes out.
The older I get, the funnier I get. People say I am funny even when I am not trying to be funny. I tend to get the giggles. I laugh my happy a$$ off over things that leave other people scratching their heads and wondering. Well hells bells, isn’t that a lot more fun?? Laugh and the world laughs with you. They can’t help it, because laughter is contagious. Cry, bitch, and moan, and you are on your own. Sad but true. Of course, there may be those chosen few that will be your shoulder to cry on and your punching bag, but after a while…they will avoid you. They will get sick of it and be down the road so fast it will make your head swim.
I choose to laugh, and have become pretty good at finding the humor in just about everything. I pride myself in being loonier than a toon and one sandwich short of a picnic. Granted, I do have some semblance of a social feeler. I can sense who would handle one of my outlandish comments, and who would be wondering why. It is a gift. Still sometimes I just don’t give a flying fig and tell it like it is. In the wake of shock that follows one of my outbursts, I explain it off to the fact that I am pre-menopausal. Then I get a case of the giggles that is infectious. If you get me on the phone, well then the social feelers go right out the window and I am at my most outrageous. G0d help the bill collectors and telemarketers that dare to call my house! Most of them walk away winning a free bushel of horse $hit. Yes, I do pass out those to random people who have the audacity to call me on the phone.
Anymore, I laugh at just about anything. If someone startles me, I laugh. If I see something that strikes me funny, I laugh. Laughing is good for what ails you! My dad always used to get really pious and say “Quakers meeting has begun, no more laughing, no more fun, no more chewing gum” and instead of catching the pious bug and acting all straight laced and uptight like I was supposed to, I would bust a gut. I simply couldn’t help myself. It isn’t just what people say, it is the way they say it, or the expression on their face that gets me. I have also discovered mooning people tends to break up the seriousness of the situation. Use with extreme caution!! I only pull that at home, and discriminate who gets that pleasure. Some folks just wouldn't understand...and most can't handle a little a$$. After seeing some kids show their shiny moon out of a school bus window, I have been inspired ever since. Laughed so hard I almost wrecked my car that time.
I believe I inherited this trait of hilarity from my Dad. That man was hilarious!! He would come off with the craziest things. For example, after he had a stroke he was in the hospital and the nurse came into his room and told him she would be taking him for his bath. My dad gazed up at her with a half smile and read her name tag which said Eileen. He said to her “Is that your name?” She smile and replied “Why yes! It is!” My dad says “If I lean over will you kiss my a$$?” There was a space of about 5 seconds of silence when she and I looked at him in shocked disbelief. My jaw dropped, and I just lost it. I couldn’t help myself, and the laughter was contagious. The nurse claimed no one had ever said anything like that to her before. I laughed so hard I almost choked on myself and peed my pants!
Anyways you get the picture. Laughter is as uncontrollable to me as breathing. I just got to! Like Uncle Albert in the classic Disney movie “Mary Poppins”, I love to laugh and if a person could really float to the ceiling from to much laughter, I would spend the better share of my life laughing myself silly on the ceiling. We should all be so happy. Try laughing, it is good for what ails you! Until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.
My mouth dropped. My eyes watered. The nurse’s smile froze. “I don’t believe anyone has ever said that to me before!” she sputtered. “Well, will you?” he persisted and I lost it. I laughed so hard I almost peed in my pants! After Eileen’s initial shock, she laughed too. We all laughed. I will never know if she puckered up or not. Visiting hours were over and unfortunately at that point it was time for me to go. I laughed all the way home. Looking back, I wonder if Eileen ever was asked that question again or if that was the first and the last time.
