E is for Eileen

    All day as I racked my brains for “E” words the same story about my Dad kept coming to mind.  Since it won’t leave me and time is a wasting on an “E” post for today I am going to grab the bull by the balls and tell it.





     Back in January 2004 my Dad had a stroke.  He was in the hospital for 2 whole months before he died there.  When you have a stroke part of your brain dies.  You lose abilities that you need to function.  You may lose speech, your judgment, or even lose your ability to use your arms or legs.  My Dad was always a funny guy but at least before the stroke he had a little decorum.  Once he had a stroke, anything that popped in his head pretty much was guaranteed to pop out of his mouth oftentimes with hilarious and somewhat embarrassing results.

      One night a nurse came into his room to help him prepare for his bath.  Because of the stroke, my Dad was confined to a wheelchair by that point and his grins were lopsided.  She was a happy, cheery nurse and she asked my Dad if he was ready for his bath.  Out of the clear blue sky he looked at her with his lopsided grin and asked “Eileen, is that your name?”  She smiled a big huge cheeky grin and replied “Why yes, that is my name!”  Before she could even bat an eye my dad replied “If I lean over, will you kiss my ass?”



      My mouth dropped.  My eyes watered.  The nurse’s smile froze.  “I don’t believe anyone has ever said that to me before!” she sputtered.  “Well, will you?” he persisted and I lost it.  I laughed so hard I almost peed in my pants!  After Eileen’s initial shock, she laughed too.  We all laughed.  I will never know if she puckered up or not.  Visiting hours were over and unfortunately at that point it was time for me to go.  I laughed all the way home.  Looking back, I wonder if Eileen ever was asked that question again or if that was the first and the last time.