Showing posts with label suicide. Show all posts
Showing posts with label suicide. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Speak Easy 169 : Over the Valley


      Jane didn’t have many friends.  That was okay.  She didn’t really need them.  She was busy enough with her imagination.  It was the only place she could escape her father’s grasp.  She would pretend she was a butterfly flitting from flower to flower without a care in the world instead of the damaged goods she really was.   Still when she met Phillip she hadn’t expected for them to be so much alike. She had been in the meadow behind her house in hot pursuit of a brilliantly blue butterfly when she had first seen him taking a piss on the big oak tree on the edge of the woods.  She had watched transfixed, losing sight of the butterfly in the process.  As far as boys went, he was classically handsome.  Still she had been a bit leery of him.  After all, he was not only a boy but a stranger.  Where had he come from?  She had lived here all her life and had never seen him.  She would have remembered.  Phillip was like no one she had ever seen before, as if he had been dropped here from somewhere else entirely.

      Their eyes had met when he had finished and the heat that instantly warmed her cheeks seemed to warm his as well.  Awkward!    The smirk that quickly followed his initial look of surprise was classic.  In embarrassment, she had run away and his hearty laughter had followed her.  As fate would have it, they met again the next day at school.  He was the new kid, and as soon as their eyes had locked instant recognition had caused her cheeks to grow hot once again in embarrassment.  She had played it cool and continued to draw butterflies on her notebook as he watched her from across the classroom.  When the bell rang, she made a beeline for the door only to have him pursue her and finally catch up outside her locker.

        “Did you like what you saw?” he asked boldly. 

         “You are sick, whatever.  Just leave me alone.” She had begged. 



       It was then he had slammed her locker shut and forced her to look at him.  At that point he hadn’t known the horrors she had endured at her father’s hands, although she believed it was as obvious as the nose on her face.  What she had seen in his deep brown eyes was the offer of friendship and even the recognition of understanding that he couldn’t possibly have had then.    Eventually she learned to trust him and believe he could be the knight in shining armor that would save her from the atrocities she faced nightly at home.  From that day on, they had been inseparable.  Rather than having to confess her secrets, he somehow seemed to instinctively know so she didn’t have to.  He was her friend, her savior, her partner in crime.  From that day forth, they were like two peas in a pod, their fates entwined as destiny ordained. 

      They met daily in the meadow.  They lay on the grass amid the wildflowers and watched the clouds chase lazily across the sky sometimes seeing tigers and other times bears.  They dreamed of escaping the personal hell that awaited each of them at home.   They consoled each other, and as the years passed shared the unthinkable truth and the shame neither of them could ever truly escape.

          The last day she saw him there, he was more tortured than she had ever seen him.  She understood his angst, had went through it herself, but she couldn’t have predicted the way events would finally play out.  He seemed especially agitated that day.  Finally the clouds and gentle warm breezes had lulled him.  He was quiet, brooding, seeming almost a million miles away.   She had blown off his mood, thinking it would pass.  The next day, she had found him there hanging dead from a tree, the evidence of his father’s most recent beating shadowing his skin in horrific detail.  Tears clouded her vision as she watched the police cut him down.   It was that day she chose to escape her private hell and run away.  If only this epiphany had come sooner.  They could have run away together, plucked up courage and sought help.  He would still be here with her.  It was the only thing she regretted, the possibility she could have saved him and in the process saved herself. 







Wednesday, May 21, 2014

I Will Follow

 
        I stood on the bridge at midnight as the clocks were striking the hour.  I looked out on the water below and the twinkling lights of the city reflecting there.  It was in those moments I thought about my life.  I thought about God and asked him for guidance.  My life has spiraled out of control since you took your own life a month ago.  How could you leave me?  How could you?  Tears trailed down my cheeks as I looked out on the harbor feeling utterly lost.



           I thought about the hundreds of cups and saucers I had painstakingly washed at the diner tonight and how I had stacked them neatly in preparation for another long day tomorrow.  I felt bone tired, weary, and heart broken.  All that awaited me at home were bills and the glaring eviction notice that had been delivered today.  Things just seemed to be going from bad to worse.  I thought about the dreams that had brought me to this city.  You know the ones, the ones that kept us awake long into the night giggling and making plans.  You and I were going to take Broadway by storm.  We would see our names in lights.  We were going to be stars.  We were going to live the glamorous life together. Everyone at home believed in us…their small town stars.  What a joke that turned out to be.  I simply can’t go home a failure and face all of them again seeing pity in their eyes, and seeing the “I told you so’s” in the eyes of the cynics.





       Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I could shine and touch the stars.  I could be a star after all.  I could soar like you did.  Like you, I could make headlines…go out with a big bang.  With my mind made up, I began to climb.  Balancing on the edge I felt the wind in my face, could see the stars calling me.  I could hear you in my heart urging me on.  We went together like peas and carrots, and we would again.  Holding my hands out at my sides, maintaining a precarious balance, I looked up to the stars and then reached.  I would fly.  I would touch the sky just as you had.  Without another thought, I moved forward and followed you again.  For the last time, I followed you.

Written for the Light and Shade Challenge












Saturday, February 22, 2014

He Was Too Late


       With pain etched across his features Ben typed the letter, emptying all the pent up feelings he had kept guarded for so long.  He was tired of the lies and the duplicity.  He was tired of trying to be someone he was not.  He was tired of being ridiculed for who he was.  They didn’t want a son who was artistic and gay.  They wanted a perfect athlete and a home town hero everyone wanted to emulate.  They wanted someone worthy of their love that they could brag about at church.  Instead they had gotten him.



     As the sun set and the shadows fell he printed out his final letter.  He shut down the computer one last time and quickly reread his last plea for understanding and acceptance.  With a sad and determined resignation he loaded the gun he had bought last week, aimed, and fired extinguishing all the hurt and frustration he had experienced his whole life trying to live up to their ideal.




        An hour later Ben’s parents arrived home excited to see their only son.   His mother loved her baby no matter what direction he took with his life and encouraged her husband to accept Ben for who he was.  A hard pill to swallow, but he did love his son.  He just had to make a point of accepting him as he was and showing him that he loved him no matter what.  He planned to tell him as soon as he saw him setting things right and starting their relationship fresh with more love and understanding on his part.   The bottom line was that he loved his son, gay or not, and it was high time he told him and started acting like it.  To his horror, he was too late.




This is my entry for the Write Tribe Wednesday writing prompt:

 "He was too late."

Write Tribe