The folks at NaBloPoMo want to know if there is anything I am uncertain about right now. Can a person really be certain about anything?? Only G0d himself knows all the answers, I surely don’t. I surely never try to assume I know much of anything.
Lately I have decided I want and need to lose weight and even though I am walking 2-3 miles a day and working out along with my Biggest Loser Wii game, I worry I will never really lose any serious pounds. I am uncertain if I can keep up the pace. I am uncertain if the changes I have attempted to make to my diet will really have any effect. Walking around the neighborhood with my kids is the easy part. Sticking with it and working out with the Wii Game, or even with the DVD’s I checked out from the library is quite another. I have yet to pop one of the DVD’s in the DVD player and make an attempt to keep up.
That moment is coming though. It is bigger than the both of us!! I am uncertain if I will live through whatever kind of workout that DVD has got in store for me. I am willing to try, and maybe that is half the battle. The best and worst thing about an exercise video starring Bob Harperis that you know you are in for a royal beating. The best and worst thing is I can hit the stop button before I vomit and collapse. Sometimes I think it would be better to have Bob in the flesh screaming at me to keep going, even when I would rather quit.
I am uncertain if anything I do will help me lose weight. It certainly won’t if I give up. Even if I feel better, or by some sick twist of fate somehow find a shred more energy that I didn’t have 15 minutes ago, then all that huffing and puffing, sweating, and sore muscles will be worth it. Looking a little closer to perfect would be worth it.
All I am certain of today is that the sun is shining, I am trying foods I would have never contemplated putting even a foot near my mouth, let alone eat, and I am determined to exercise hell or high water!! The bottom line is I am tired of being fat!! So if I have the guts to take a bull by the horns figuratively, surely I can whittle away a little tit, a little a$$, and this gut that between all three have taken on a life force of their own until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.
How do I feel about uncertainty?? Honestly, I hate it. It scares the living be Je$us out of me and makes me want to hunt for a paper bag, hyperventilate, and have a heart to heart talk aloud with myself. I quickly feel the need to find a bathroom. To say I become a tad mental is an understatement.
I am not comfortable being uncertain. I want to know that when I send my kids to school they are going to do their best and do well in the process. If they do not do well, I want to know WHY. I want to know how I can reverse the tides and not only help them do better, but help them to succeed. I will admit that I don’t like surprises. For example, I don’t deal well with my kid bringing home papers plastered with smiley faces and lavish praise, being told to my face by the teacher that my kid knows his stuff, and then be hit with a midterm report informing me that all of a sudden my kid is not currently meeting grade-level expectations and that now the ball is in my court to insure he practices all the areas listed. Holy crap where did that come from? I know that I have the tendency to walk through life with my head blissfully stuck up my a$$, but come on there were no warning signs!! At the point when realization occurs, I tend to hyperventilate and lose my freaking mind, and demand a parent teacher conference in a state of panic.
I rushed to the nearest store and bought up sight word flash cards, a workbook to help strengthen the areas the teacher sited needed work, and searched the internet for possible websites offering free activities designed to give him thepractice he needs. I went ape $hit on my kid declaring we are going to work on this stuff till he knows it or else. Yes, I did go a little berserk. At the same time, I feel like crying wondering how I could possibly not know he was struggling. It was almost like a scene from “Chicken Little” with me running around screaming that the sky is falling!!!!
As you can see, uncertainty tends to make me mental. For those that have the loony bin on speed dial on my behalf, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I have taken control of the situation. I have remembered finally to breathe. I have scheduled a parent teacher conference to get to the bottom of this, and I am prepared to do everything that is earthly possible to help my kid succeed. Why, because deep down I don’t deal well with uncertainty. I don’t deal well with people rocking the boat. I have to have some level of control over destiny.
Rest assured, I have plenty of toilet paper in stock, so even if diarrhea overtakes me, I am covered. I have the little pills in the house that magically puts a cork in my a$$ so there will be no worries. I will try to quit blaming myself for my little darling’s lapse in the class room. Who knew it would be so HARD being a parent? I will breathe in and out and I will face this uncertainty head on and I don’t even need a mini tape recorder to remind me that I can grab a bull by its balls. I can sneak up to that bull and grab his balls before he even knows what hits him, yes I can!!
All I really want is for my kids to succeed and be happy in life. Is that to much to ask?? I am in control. Sometimes you just have to say a little prayer and hope for the best. Even though I am terrified of the unknown, I can and will walk in there cool, calm and collected and face uncertainty and the unknown head on. I know that G0d goes with me, so even though I am weighed down with the uncertainty of knowing exactly what to say, I will be OK until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.
