Courage Ignites

      The atmosphere sizzles with electricity and anticipation.  Even with the lights dimmed, I catch his eye watching, teasing, and daring me. 

 
     The band starts, the drums mesmerize.  A tequila shot, one, two, three, go! Amber liquid scorches.   My inhibitions flee.  I dance!

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Being Brave

NaBloPoMo asks : 

What is the bravest thing you have ever done?

       When it gets right down to brass tacks  I am only brave when I have no other choice and only after I have freaked out, practically $hit myself worrying about it, and am forced to handle myself by someone else or by circumstance.  I am scared of roller coasters and other scary rides and refuse to ride them although I have before.  I don’t like scary movies and refuse to brave watching them although I have done that too.  I would never strap on a parachute and jump out of an airplane for the thrill of it.  I am scared of heights and doubt I would ever put myself into a situation testing whether I could overcome it unless I needed to save someone I loved.  I endured abuse for years at the hands of my ex husband but one day overcame my fear to bravely offer myself up in sacrifice so he wouldn’t hurt my mom.

     I bravely have faced what I have had to whether it is surgeries, death, or loneliness.   I have faced the terror of being raped and survived because I didn’t have a choice.  I have bravely stayed alone when everyone else worried I shouldn’t simply because it was better to get used to the inevitable than putting it off.   I have overcome the fear of being alone and found solace within myself when everyone else insisted I needed others to be happy.  I bravely face each day of life with optimism counting my blessings.

    
      I think a person does what they have to do in life.  You don’t think about it.  You just do it.  From somewhere deep within you draw the strength needed.  You summon courage from that same deep place.   You do what is right and appropriate.  It is as simple as that.  Whether it constitutes true bravery or not, I have no idea.    I am like the brave little kitten in the video taking on the huge dog.  I refuse to be intimidated…therefore I can be brave if need be until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Uncertainty about Weight Loss

    


      The folks at NaBloPoMo want to know if there is anything I am uncertain about right now.  Can a person really be certain about anything?? Only G0d himself knows all the answers, I surely don’t.  I surely never try to assume I know much of anything.
    
    

          Lately I have decided I want and need to lose weight and even though I am walking 2-3 miles a day and working out along with my Biggest Loser Wii game, I worry I will never really lose any serious pounds.  I am uncertain if I can keep up the pace.  I am uncertain if the changes I have attempted to make to my diet will really have any effect.  Walking around the neighborhood with my kids is the easy part.  Sticking with it and working out with the Wii Game, or even with the DVD’s I checked out from the library is quite another.  I have yet to pop one of the DVD’s in the DVD player and make an attempt to keep up.

       That moment is coming though.  It is bigger than the both of us!!  I am uncertain if I will live through whatever kind of workout that DVD has got in store for me.  I am willing to try, and maybe that is half the battle.  The best and worst thing about an exercise video starring Bob Harper is that you know you are in for a royal beating.  The best and worst thing is I can hit the stop button before I vomit and collapse.  Sometimes I think it would be better to have Bob in the flesh screaming at me to keep going, even when I would rather quit.

   
      I am uncertain if anything I do will help me lose weight.  It certainly won’t if I give up.  Even if I feel better, or by some sick twist of fate somehow find a shred more energy that I didn’t have 15 minutes ago, then all that huffing and puffing, sweating, and sore muscles will be worth it.  Looking a little closer to perfect would be worth it.  


      

       All I am certain of today is that the sun is shining, I am trying foods I would have never contemplated putting even a foot near my mouth, let alone eat, and I am determined to exercise hell or high water!! The bottom line is I am tired of being fat!!   So if I have the guts to take a bull by the horns figuratively, surely I can whittle away a little tit, a little a$$, and this gut that between all three have taken on a life force of their own until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.