15 Minute Glimpse

       My Dad always used to say “Give me 5 minutes and I will tell you everything I know.”    Beth, the creative force behind the GBE2 is giving me 15 minutes of free writing to unleash the beast within.   The first thing that comes to mind is what a week it has been.  It all began Friday with my son’s science fair.  Here I was silently celebrating the fact that the science fair was behind me finally.  Wrongo, my little first grader did so well he is going on to the district science fair in February.  

 

       Because of that fact, the weekend was peppered with celebrations of pizza and dancing the pony, video games, and all manners of merriment passing too quickly with all three of us groaning at the arrival of Monday.  Still, it was all good.  The kids marched off to school and I settled into my normal routine.  Life is so exciting, NOT!!  I started working out with the Wii Fit again recharging my desire to lose weight.  This time was a little different.  I chose a cartoon dude with a muscular physique for my trainer.   I always hated that little skinny girl trainer telling me that maybe next time I could do better.  Yeah, maybe next time I can pop you one.  Whatever, the guy’s criticism seems easier to take.

 

      Tuesday the accident occurred.  As much as I yell at my kids to settle down and quit playing so rough…they never listen!!  This particular time they truly should of.  Evidently my son’s brakes need checked because while horsing around brushing his teeth with his big sister he managed to ram all that makes him a boy into the side of the tub.  His twig and giggle berries were not amused.  From the sounds coming from my kid, he wasn’t either.  I was horrified.  Truly though, who hasn’t offered to give some smart ass man a good swift kick in the family jewels in their life?  I mean really, who hasn’t?  You get good and pissed off and you want to get them where it hurts.  That smart a$$ man in my fondest dreams of removing testicles never included my precious little boy.  His poor twig and giggle berries!!  Oh Lord and sunny Je$us, my future grandchildren!

       Never in my wildest dreams could I have fathomed calling my doctor at night, while my kid screamed bloody murder in the background, and tell him “My son has hurt his testicles!!! What do I do? Ice?  Warm soothing bath?”  I could almost hear the doctor cringe and cross his own legs over the phone.  “Oh NO! You never want to do THAT!  THAT will make it worse!!”  Seriously I had no clue.  I mean, geez, shouldn’t you honestly ice something that is swelling up like a balloon?   I don’t have parts like that.  How the hell would I know?  Evidently Ibuprofen is the answer, and with instructions to take two of those magic pills every four hours, he hung up.  All right, gotcha.  It is a call no mother in their right mind should ever have to make.  Right up there with the note to the teacher and nurse explaining that it might be nice if they could make sure he had some ibuprofen after lunch and WHY, just in case.  Oh M Gee!   Explaining the situation to my husband was almost comical.  “He hit his WHAT where?  WHY would he do THAT“ 
  

       During all of this fiasco with the twig and giggle berries I decided to do something drastic.   Let’s face it.  I never in my wildest dreams thought I would ever go back to school or G0d forbid take a class.  I honestly thought I was too old for that $hit, but guess what?  Wednesday I started a class in Web Design that is going to be great and I LOVITY LOVE IT!  Not only can I take it from home, but with my library card it is free!  How in the world could I possibly resist that?   Did I mention it was FREE!!    Free pass to knowledge!!  Obviously I couldn’t resist.  The best part is there are more courses where that came from that will keep me busy learning the ins and outs of Web Design and photography for a good long time to come.  It is just what I needed to drag my sorry moping near menopausal a$$ out of the depression I have been in since after the holidays.
 

      While I was reeling in the exciting aftermath of my first class in years and my son’s giggle berry catastrophe, my daughter woke up with a fever of 103 degrees this morning.  So here I am fighting her fever with baths, medication, and rest and wishing it was Friday.  Is it Friday yet?  No it is not.  The damn fever only went down 1 measly degree!  Hold still while I douse you with another bucket of water!  Is it Friday yet??  No tomorrow is and if I can get her well enough she will need to march back to school and catch up on what she missed today.  Some weeks roll along without a single hitch and others you start doing the pony dance and end up grabbing your balls and wincing in pain.  His balls, not mine!  I don’t have balls unless my ovaries count.  They should after all.  Oh hell, you know what I mean!   I guess that is how it goes.  My 15 minutes are up until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

 

Compliments

 

          I am a person that freely hands out compliments.  I guess I feel it is part of being nice and polite.  When I am on the receiving end, it simply blows me away.  There are times when I read the comments for the blogs I have written and am particularly moved when someone compliments me on my story or my writing.  I am usually so moved; I have tears in my eyes.

 

     Most of the time, I am apt not to believe people.  The bad stuff is easier to believe.  I have often wondered why compliments are so easy to hand out but so difficult to take in.  Maybe it is because deep down we simply don’t believe anything good about ourselves.   That is kind of depressing when you think about it, isn’t it?

 

      Yesterday morning I visited my doctor for a monthly check up.  He has had me on a diet to lose weight, strengthen my heart, and get healthy.  Usually the waiting room is chock full of people, but yesterday it was empty except for me.  I imagined that everyone was either at work or out voting.  To my surprise my doctor emerged with my file in hand, smiled a smile that lit up his face, and said “Kathy!  Hello! Come on back!”  I quickly replaced my bookmark in my book, grabbed my purse, and hurried to follow him after I picked my jaw up off the floor.  We passed his staff who were congregated in a close knit circle visiting amongst themselves as we went on to the exam room.  

      My blood pressure was good.  He listened to my heart…still ticking and sounding good.  Then it was time for me to step on the scale.  To my disappointment, I had gained a pound.  Crestfallen I went back to my seat.  Damn! I was sure I had lost weight! Instead I had gained a pound.  He patted my hand and reassured me that I was doing a fabulous job sticking to my diet.  I probably hadn’t gone to the bathroom before I came.  What??? My brain slammed in my head.  I swear to sunny Je$us I had went.  I had peed numerous times and went number 2 as well.  What the hell?  Should I have given myself an enema and endured a rousing bout of the $hits before I dared step on the scale?  Of course I kept all these brilliant revelations to myself.

 

         He watched me with a twinkle in his eye as I explained that I had watched my diet the very best I could.  But hells bells, Halloween had happened.  Hadn’t he noticed that?  My husband was home!!   He always is urging me to cheat on my diet.  Surely a little piece of candy can’t hurt.  Here have some breakfast sausages.  They are so good!!  Well yes, that is not the bloody point!  The point is that Three Musketeer candy bars and maple flavored sausages are no where on my diet sheet.  That is the bloody point!!  It was at that point that I realized that I had spoken all this aloud.  Embarrassed, I giggled a bit as I am prone to do.  

        “It is not like a snack size Three Musketeer candy bar and a couple sausage links will kill me, right?”  My doctor assured me that as long as I followed my diet most of the time, a slip here and there wouldn’t kill me.
        “It is only a pound.” he said with a smile. “You are doing fine!  I am so proud of you and how you are taking control of your life!” 
        “If only I could exercise maybe I could actually lose more!” I lamented.  It was then that the doctor gave me the proverbial golden key to the crapper.  I could exercise.  Yes indeed.  He encouraged me to march over to the local mall at least three times a week and walk at least a mile, and increase the distance from there.  The biggie was that I didn’t walk outside because the November cold air would do me in.  My mind rejoiced in the possibility of having an excuse to rush to the mall on a regular basis.  I have a pedometer.  I can do this!!  Who cares that I never have money to BUY anything?  It is free to look, and that is good enough for me!!  I HAVE to go for my health!! YAY!

 

        It was then that he shocked me again.  Out of the blue he told me “ You write very well.  You should write a book!”  The doctor had managed to shock me twice in the same day.  Where did that come from?  Even though yes, I do write, it never occurred to me that he of all people would have read any of it or that he knew that I write, let alone think that I was capable of writing a book anyone would ever want to read.   I am not a person that blows her own horn.  I  am blown away by compliments.  For some reason I have never felt I deserved them, but I am grateful and cherish each and every one like a precious gift.  What can I say?  If you give me a compliment, I like it until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Jump!!

NaBloPoMo asks today…

What is the first thing that pops into your mind when you hear the word jump?

     The very first thing that pops in my head when I hear the word jump is the classic 1984 hit performed by Van Halen.  What can I say; I am a kid of the 1980’s.  Almost simultaneously I think about the fact that I would rather not jump, thank you very much.  You won’t catch this lady jumping out of any airplanes or off of any tall buildings anytime in the near future.  I like my limbs the way they are all in one piece and heights tend to scare the living be Je$us out of me in general.

  

       In fact, you won’t find me jumping period.  I am no longer 18 and in shape.   Jumping requires more exertion than I care to do at this point in my life. Jumping equals sweating, which equals gasping for breath, which inevitably results in feeling as if death may soon over take me.  Excuse me while I toss my cookies in the corner.  Whenever I get ambitious and decide to work out, you can bet I am groaning and doing the modified version whenever Bob Harper of the Biggest Loser decides that jumping jacks are the next thing on the agenda.  I know  if I attempt them, I will be dying after about 3. I absolutely hate jumping jacks.  They honestly should be outlawed. 


    

       Jumping is for ladies whose b00bs haven’t already started heading south, or those who have had implants whose b00bs don’t move at all.  That leaves me out .   Jumping is for the physically fit and ambitious, which also leaves me out.   I never could jump a rope to save my life, and you can bet your bottom dollar I won’t be jumping anytime in the near future until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Uncertainty about Weight Loss

    


      The folks at NaBloPoMo want to know if there is anything I am uncertain about right now.  Can a person really be certain about anything?? Only G0d himself knows all the answers, I surely don’t.  I surely never try to assume I know much of anything.
    
    

          Lately I have decided I want and need to lose weight and even though I am walking 2-3 miles a day and working out along with my Biggest Loser Wii game, I worry I will never really lose any serious pounds.  I am uncertain if I can keep up the pace.  I am uncertain if the changes I have attempted to make to my diet will really have any effect.  Walking around the neighborhood with my kids is the easy part.  Sticking with it and working out with the Wii Game, or even with the DVD’s I checked out from the library is quite another.  I have yet to pop one of the DVD’s in the DVD player and make an attempt to keep up.

       That moment is coming though.  It is bigger than the both of us!!  I am uncertain if I will live through whatever kind of workout that DVD has got in store for me.  I am willing to try, and maybe that is half the battle.  The best and worst thing about an exercise video starring Bob Harper is that you know you are in for a royal beating.  The best and worst thing is I can hit the stop button before I vomit and collapse.  Sometimes I think it would be better to have Bob in the flesh screaming at me to keep going, even when I would rather quit.

   
      I am uncertain if anything I do will help me lose weight.  It certainly won’t if I give up.  Even if I feel better, or by some sick twist of fate somehow find a shred more energy that I didn’t have 15 minutes ago, then all that huffing and puffing, sweating, and sore muscles will be worth it.  Looking a little closer to perfect would be worth it.  


      

       All I am certain of today is that the sun is shining, I am trying foods I would have never contemplated putting even a foot near my mouth, let alone eat, and I am determined to exercise hell or high water!! The bottom line is I am tired of being fat!!   So if I have the guts to take a bull by the horns figuratively, surely I can whittle away a little tit, a little a$$, and this gut that between all three have taken on a life force of their own until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Energy

       Ever since the Writer’s Post blog hop challenge was posted Thursday I have been trying to figure out what to write about energy.  What do I know about it??  All I have been able to come up with is that I need more of it!!  I could have written a long drawn out post about the benefits of solar power or some other equally scientific rambling that in the long run I didn’t truly give a rat’s a$$ about.  I racked my brain for ways to get energized from eating, sleeping, to the wild idea of sticking energizer batteries up my butt.  It works for that little pink bunny after all!!  Honestly, I am being silly.  Don't anyone try that one at home!!

        When I searched the internet I discovered that one of the best things to elevate the old energy level was to exercise. Yes, you read that right!  Another biggie is to drink plenty of water.  Sure you can guzzle pop loaded with caffeine, but I have found that really wasn’t giving me a boost.  Aside from the increased need to pee, I still felt lackluster and depleted.  Even after sleeping in this morning, I still felt exhausted.  Since Santa Claus decided to leave a pedometer in my Christmas sock, the idea of walking had been planted in my brains for quite a while.  I decided even though it was a bit chilly out today I wanted to test out this theory.  Would a little exercise put lead in my pencil and give me the kick in the a$$ I needed to get on with life with a smile on my face?

         Armed with my pedometer, my kids and I took off for a walk that took us to my son’s school and back.  While we were there the kids enjoyed time on the playground while I played Angry Birds on my cell phone while swinging.  We took an old ball with us from home and eventually yours truly participated in a rousing game of kick ball.  It was fun!  I got a little winded, but hey!  No one can say I didn’t exercise.  My kids were shocked to see me run.  Yes, I CAN run.  I was on the cross country team in high school.  This was no marathon though.  It was a little sprinting to a base.  Still it was more running than I had done in years.  As the minutes on the clock ticked past 6:00 pm, we started back.  Amazingly enough when I reached home I no longer felt exhausted.  I felt energized!  The cold air had cleared my head of cobwebs.  I arrived home ready to take on the world. I could kick start a 747.  Well maybe not, but you get the idea.  I feel like I am on the top of the world and can just about take on anything.

        Before I left I had looked up just how many steps equaled a mile.  I knew from that search that about 2000 steps equaled approximately a  mile and was thrilled to realize upon arriving home that I had traveled over 2 ½ miles on my own power.  Not only did I not die from the added extra exertion, I actually felt really good!


        
      Who would have believed that getting out and exercising would really truly help me feel  more alive than I had felt in days?  I had felt so tired and depleted before the walk.  Amazing that walking 2 ½ miles and playing kick ball with my kids would give me the jump start of energy I desperately needed, but it did.  A little exercise made all the difference in the world until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.