Over the years I have gradually evolved into the person I am now. I have given up on pleasing some people because they were hell bent on hating me and making my life a torturous hell on earth no matter what I did. It became clearer to me when not that long ago I once again treated someone with kindness only to have them dig deep into their imaginations to make up lies and imagined slights. I don’t understand what is wrong with some people. What I do understand is that I have zero patience for people like this. I can’t please them. They are never happy and if others are happy they are hell bent to destroy it. My walls have gone up and I have retreated into my present isolation. Sadly, I am happiest in solitude. Why? You can never please everyone.
The day I can look into the mirror and feel that I have truly pleased myself will probably be a happy day indeed. I am not there yet. If I were, I would feel happy and I don’t. I have slipped into the depths of despair once again. Perhaps it is the dreaded mid life crisis that one always hears about that grips me now. You know that loony time in life when normally sane people leave everything behind to “FIND” themselves. I am not quite that stupid to go looking elsewhere for me. For better or for worse, I am right here. I wouldn’t know where to look if I did try. I went through a stage in life where I was this giggling little thing that laughed at the drop of the hat- hence the giggling trucker’s wife. It seemed to fit then. Life was funny, then. I have withdrawn within myself, and as a result I have become more serious and reflective. I hate to think I have mental-pause/menopause to blame, but really fu¢k it, what else can be wrong with me?? Perhaps it is a massive hormonal imbalance that would be rectified with several small bottles filled with pills.
Perhaps it is simply that moment in time that dawns when I stand up and make a huge pot of vegetable soup for me despite the fact my daughter tolerates it and everyone else in the house despises it. That moment when I proclaim with a wicked grin “If you don’t like it, go ahead and starve!!!” while I eat my fill knowing full well my son and husband will no doubt refuse to eat a bite. Ah well, I will work through it, rest assured about that. As I do, you will be treated to these bursts of instability that resemble that lady in “Fried Green Tomatoes” who took great pleasure in ramming her car repeatedly in those little snot nose bit¢hes car that had the balls to steal her parking spot. Towanda!!! Ahh midlife, when breasts and testicles noticeably begin to sag and unless you got thousands of dollars to lift and tuck you live with it until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.
wow! it is good to know I am not alone....
ReplyDeleteFaith, Friends, and Flip Flops, there are probably more of us in the same boat than we realize. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments!
DeleteI absolutely have fallen in love with your wriings. I do not know whether to laugh or fall sorry for you. I wish I could write the same way, but then again I am not and never was a Truckers wife.
ReplyDeleteWaiting for more. Sondra
Sondra, I am so pleased you enjoy my blog. You don't have to be a trucker's wife. You just be yourself! Thank you for stopping by to read and for your sweet comments!
DeleteI absolutely love your writings. I love the way you express your feelings. I wish I could use the same language that you use, but then again, I am not a truckers wife.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if I come across as a Miss Prim? I do not want to and hope you can see or visualize the real me. Or, should I change the person I am. I have no idea how I come across to others.
Sondra, just be you. When I started writing I was all straight laced and proper. Sometimes I still worry about putting my real self out there. It is a risk, but people seem to like me. You don't have to be a trucker's wife. I just write exactly how I would tell it. I like you, so stay you. Thank you for stopping in Sondra and for your kind comments!
DeleteFirst off ♥(((HUGS)))♥ cuz it's been awhile since I sent them. Second we need to get your giggling back!! I might have to drive to Indiana--bring my oldest two to babysit while I take you out and let you let your cares fly out the window!! Nothing like a girls night out dancing. I don't think Jo is far away--so we'll make her come along too. And heck, I could probably pull Beth away-- cuz I don't thinks she's too far either!! We'll take you out, cheer you up, and make you feel all giggly again. I'm sure I can find a drink or two that would lighten the mood and a place with some awesome music. What do you think?? You know with Beth, Jo, and Me around--you'd be giggling in no time!! HA HA HA HA!! :D Seriously--sometimes life likes to steal our thunder--but we just have to find a way to steal it back. Smile-- you are among many, many, many friends :D Jenn.
ReplyDeleteJenn, I do believe that would so it for me! I usually don't drink anymore, but when I do I get giggly. That would be so much fun. Thank you Jenn for the laugh. I needed it! Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments.
Delete"Well it's, alright now. I learned my lesson well. Seems ya, can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself..." Garden Party by Ricky Nelson.
ReplyDeleteIt's very liberating to not worry about pleasing other people. I have no problem saying no and knowing my boundaries. It's easier to be honest than resentful. It's the way I've always been. Also, my mom was a people pleaser and I found it kind of a pathetic quality in her because she then proceeds to complain and bitch to me about how she doesn't want to do it but she feels 'guilty' if she refuses even though she really wants to say no. I tell her to say no then and she says she can't. Do stuff if you want to but not b/c you are guilted into it.
JoJo, well said!! I didn't even think about that song when I was looking for music!!! Cool! I know just how your mom feels. People really take advantage of people that are pleasers. I know from past experience. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your sweet comments!
DeleteGenerally speaking I do usually please myself. Does that make me selfish? Perhaps, but I give as good as I get.
ReplyDeleteMrs. Tuna, I think you are on the right track! Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments!
DeleteOh, my sweet friend. ((((hugs))) And more than that, I'm on board with the trip to Indiana with Jenn and Beth and the babysitters!
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I would love for you to go all introspective here and figure out why you can't please yourself. Whatever it is that keeps you from really loving you needs to be addressed, because I am here to tell you, you are worth loving and Kathy, you are GOOD ENOUGH.
I love you and I don't waste that on people who are deserving.
One more thing, what other people think of you, is none of your business. Please write that out and hang it all over your house. Since I accepted this piece of knowledge, I am so much happier and so much easier to be around. I am ME, 24/7, never trying to please anyone, just pleasing them because I'm ME.
The same will work for you...when you believe it's none of your business and your job is to be YOU, the very best YOU you can be.
♥
Jo, thank you for the wonderful advice. Boy, that sounds like a really good time. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your encouragement!
DeleteYou're right. We can't please everyone. Why do we try? Especially when it usually makes one miserable. Oh well. I really do hope you get to the point of at least pleasing yourself. Oh shit, that sounds dirty. ;o)
ReplyDeleteMelissa, I think we do it for acceptance and to be liked. LMAO, it does sound dirty and hilarious! Thank you for stopping by to read and make me laugh!
Deletei would say i am a people pleaser.. only to a small point, now... i used to worry so much about what people think and i have learned that most people don't care.. they care about what works for them.. not for the gracious person... so, i now try to please only those who appreciate it...
ReplyDeletenice write, kathy
Danneromero, great point! Most people are more worried about their own stuff than worrying about other people. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments!
DeleteThe clip is my favorite part of the Fried Green Tomatoes movie! Towanda!!! Who doesn't feel like doing something like that at one time or another? But, we don't because common sense prevails over all... People pleasing, on the other hand, is far from common sense. Why please everyone around you and then you are the only one who is unhappy? Call me selfish, but I please people when I feel like it and please myself when it pleases me, which is most of the time. I admit that it takes some time to strike that happy medium when one has a family, but it can be done and without making others in the family unhappy. Admittedly, harder when your family is young because your children need so much more attention. At my age, it is pretty easy to say that something does not make me happy, so I'm not going to do it! And I don't feel one bit bad about it... at.all.
ReplyDeleteDarlene, I have noticed as my kids get older, especially my son, that I am getting better at making everyone including him happy. The biggest struggles are at meal time because he is picky and the rest of us are not. I think it takes a while to find that happy medium, but once you do it is all good. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments!! ♥
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