The Device

        Ever since Max had moved to South Carolina ten years ago, he had fell in love with the beach only miles from his front doorstep.   He belonged there.  The ocean called to him.    Even when no one else ventured to the beach, he was there.  During storms, he would go suited up in rain gear to take pictures and watch nature’s fury first hand.  It was there that he could forget for a moment that Beth was gone from his life forever.  It was also where he allowed his heart to remember her and ultimately mourn his loss.  It had been years since the hurricane’s humongous waves had carried her away and drowned her.  He had wanted to photograph the hurricane’s fury first hand.  When everyone had evacuated to safety, he had convinced Beth to stay and see it with him.  How ironic that the place where he found her would ultimately be the place he lost her as well.

       He scoured the beach for the treasure that would wash up on shore with the tide.  He was never quite sure what he was searching for, but in the deepest depths of his heart he felt empty and knew he had never found it.  Instead, he had a vast collection of colorful beach glass, fragments of seashells, and driftwood that he had collected over the years.   Unfortunately, all the beach glass, shells, and driftwood in the world wouldn’t bring back his precious Beth. His guilt had ate at him ever since.

      One bright April morning he headed to the beach like any other for another leisurely stroll where he always ended up taking more pictures of everything he seen there and adding to his ever growing collection.    He bent to pick up what he thought was another piece of driftwood.  That is when he found the device.  He felt the hair on his neck stand up on end while he looked at it.  It was pulsing in his hands, as if alive.   Nervously he looked around and found the beach as deserted as it had been moments before.  Eerily enough, he felt as if he was being watched.  He thought about Beth as he pushed the buttons randomly wanting badly to share his find with her.    He heard a crackle, and his breath caught.  Beth was walking towards him.   His Beth!  But that was impossible!  He had lost his true love to the sea years ago…still here she was defying all common sense and reason.

         Unable to believe what his eyes told him were true, he ran towards her, the device completely forgotten where he had dropped it in the sand in his shock.  Her smile lit up the beach and warmed his heart.  He wrapped his arms around her and melted into her soft loveliness for the first time in forever.  It was like coming home.  Tears fogged his vision as he took in the essence of her.   The fragrance she always wore enveloped him and filled his senses.  Such joy filled his heart as he kissed her and drank her in.  There was so much he wanted to say, so many questions he wanted answered.  Still he couldn’t find the words.  His ability to form coherent thought was lost to him.  He lifted her in the air and twirled her around as he had always done, overwhelmed with the joy of finding her once again.  She had come back to him!

        He grabbed her hand and led her to the device lying on the sand where he had dropped it, picking it up once again.   He wanted to show it to her, show her this miraculous piece of treasure that had brought her back to him.    She suddenly looked frightened.  Shaking her head frantically she dropped his hand and backed away.  He didn’t understand.  She turned and walked back toward the sea from where she came.  This time he wouldn’t let her go! Determined to not lose her again, he went after her with a sense of purpose he had never felt before or since, pushing the buttons in desperation.  He disappeared, lost forever to this world, his insatiable curiosity finally getting the best of him.   She never looked back, she just kept walking.

      

The Call

This is a fictional piece I wrote for the Write Tribe Wednesday #6 writing prompt

     I kept watching the clock.  It was only 15 minutes until I could clock out and rush to meet her.  Today is the day!  I am going to propose to the love of my life!  I can’t wait to meet her at our favorite restaurant.  She has no idea that in my pocket I hold the diamond ring I chose for her.   She only knows we are to meet.

       She had texted me earlier that she only had a few more errands to run and then we could be together.  By then, my work day will be over and the weekend can begin.  I love weekends because I spend every moment with her.  How I love her, and tonight she will finally know how much.

       As I log off my computer my phone rings.  Should I answer?  I don’t want too.  I want to start my weekend!!  I want to rush to her side.  I want her to say yes so we can begin the rest of our lives together.    I see on the caller ID it is her mother.  I better answer.

     With a song in my heart I answer to discover her mother sobbing on the other end.  My breath catches as I hear the news.  My heart stops a beat.  There has been an accident and my love has been killed.  My life is as over as is hers.  “How will I live without her?” I wonder as I am overtaken with heart retching sobs.

Longing For What I Can Never Have

       Longing.  I have a deep longing for the people who are lost to me.  It is an ache I carry with me daily and becomes even more severe on holidays and on special occasions.    This deep sense of loss I harbor deep within my soul I try to bury within me.  When first faced with this writing challenge, I struggled to write about what I deeply long for and settled instead for another longing which doesn’t even come close to scratching the surface to this one.

       Due to recent events, I feel it is best to proceed to write about this longing as a much needed release for my soul.  It seems impossible to imagine that it has already been over 18 years since my mom died, and over 7 years since I lost my dad.  Since their passing, grandparents , aunts, uncles, and a dear cousin have followed suit.  So many family members gone!  The people that made up the very fabric of my past are gone except for a distant memory and my heart aches for them.

       This week my son celebrated his 6th birthday.  It was bittersweet for me because neither of my parents ever had the chance to know him.  Even sadder, he never had the chance to know them.  He has never known the love, affection, and attention Grandparents can give.  The grandparents he is left with shun his and my daughter’s existence and completely bypassed his birthday.   A blessing of sort is that he didn’t even seem to notice.  If my parents would have lived, they would have showered both my children with love.  They would have been as proud of them as I am.    It is truly their loss.

         Grief is a powerful thing that even time can not completely diminish.  Life does go on, but memories linger.   I miss the family dinners, the laughter, and the feeling of belonging.   I miss the opportunities to share the everyday trials and joy of life.  I long to do so, but I can’t.   I long for the day when I too can go home to heaven and see them once again.   I long for the strength and insight to provide my children with all the love and encouragement they need to grow into happy adults.  I long for the laughter to overtake me when I am feeling so low.  I am thankful for the moments alone to rail, cry, and grieve in private so they will never know the suffering I feel on their behalf.   I long to erase the sorrow of what might have been.  I will continue to long for what hurts the most, what I can not have.  Until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.