When the Sun Goes Down

NaBloPoMo asks today:

“At what time of day do you feel the most energetic?”

    This is a hard question for me to answer but after much consideration I would have to say it goes in phases.  I can be energetic early in the morning and be equally energetic late at night.  It is early afternoon when I feel the most sluggish.  Sometimes I take a power nap in the middle of the day to get my second wind and then I can rock right along into the night.

 

    As far as productivity goes, my best time to get things done is after the sun goes down.  What can I say?  I am more night owl than early bird until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Turn Back the Clock-BFF 241

          I will be the first to admit I have never understood the concept of daylight savings time.  Setting the clock forward or back confuses the hell out of me.    The best I can do is wait until after the glorious moment when the time changes then check reliable sources like my computer and the guide on the television to see just what time it happens to be and hope that the powers that be that control such devices have got it right.  I admit I went through the motions yesterday making sure the clocks were set right on my cell phone, TV, and the computer but beyond that…I completely dropped the ball.

         I have been in a cold medication induced fog going through the motions since Saturday.  It is little wonder that my head was farther up my a$$ than usual.  I took more medication last night, applied Vicks to my chest, set the alarm clock for 7 AM sharp, and went to bed in complete trust that all was right with my world.

 

         Morning arrived too soon.  So soon that when the alarm clock started it’s annoying bleating the room was still pitch black.  I looked at the clock through bleary eyes, turned it off, and rolled out of bed followed by my menagerie of dogs heading straight to the bathroom for my morning pee.  Icy winds blew up my night gown as I let the dogs out and back in.  
 

        Half asleep, I packed both kid’s lunches then went and flipped on the light switch to my daughter’s room announcing it was time to get up before diving back under my own covers.  I grabbed my cell phone to check email and the local news on my phone.  My eyes opened a little wider when I realized it was shortly after 6.  6 AM!!  What the hell?  I raced out to the kitchen.  It was after 7 AM there, but 6 AM in the living room.  Oh holy hell, stupid me!!  I raced back to my daughter’s bedroom and turned the switch off and yelled “False alarm!  Go back to sleep!  You have another hour!” then went and changed ALL the clocks I had missed the day before starting with my alarm clock.  What really sucked about the whole thing was by then I was wide awake.  

            Would I ever go back in time if given a chance?  That would be a definite hell yes.  I would go back and change all the clocks to the proper time starting with my alarm clock so I could have avoided this whole episode.  I would happily go back in time and spend some more time with my mom and dad.  I would give just about anything to do that.  Knowing that they would die anyways would make me sad all over again, but I still think I would love to see them.  If I had the chance to be young again would I want to be?  That is a difficult question for me.  I appreciate being wiser from the lessons I have learned.  If I could go back and undo some of the stupidity, I would.  I wouldn’t have gotten married the first time. I would have waited, because the best was yet to come.   I would have put money in the bank and went a different path instead of investing in building a house where the builders decided to bankrupt and take all that and more with them leaving me accountable with no house to show for the money invested.  I might have even gotten my graphics design degree instead of giving it up as a lost cause.

       Since I can’t go back, I will keep my eyes pointed forward.  I will focus on now and let tomorrow take care of itself until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Time in a Bottle- BFF 211

      If I could keep time in a bottle I would have given it to my mom who was not ready to die, had so much more she wanted to do, and would have given anything to have more time.  In contrast, my dad was more than ready and willing to go because my mom was no longer here and what he desired more than anything else was more time with her.  He was never able to fill that gaping void in his heart that she left when she died.  I was the one who wanted time in a bottle to spend more time with him!


     

       I would love to be able to have a big room filled with time in bottles.  I would use a bottle every time my husband comes home and probably end up spending a fortune.  He usually is only home on average 4 days a month.  From the time he arrives until the time he leaves time literally flies.  There never seems to be enough time together.  There are times when he probably is glad to get back on the road and away from us, and I have to admit when he comes home and has a bee up his a$$ and looking for a fight there are times I wish he would have just kept trucking right on by.  Unfortunately that is not how life works.  You have to take the good with the bad and roll with it.  Not everyone is happy every minute of every day.  Deep down, I wish he never had to go.

        When I look at my kids I wish I had time in bottles so that I could enjoy their being little longer.  I hate the thought of them growing up.  It seems only yesterday they were babies and now they are both in school.  Before I know which end is up they will have grown, transformed into adults, and be off to discover the world and live their own lives as they should. 

         Unfortunately we can’t save time in a bottle.  Time doesn’t stop when someone we love dies. You can’t stop your kids from growing up.  One day I will be old and the sands in my own hourglass will be used up.  If someone could figure how to do it and sell it, they would make a fortune! Until then I will do my best to enjoy the time that I have until the next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Tick Tock-BFF 196

     From the moment we take our first breaths the clock starts ticking.  It isn’t long before we realize when our belly aches it is time to eat, and when the diaper is feeling a little soggy it is time for a change.  Tick Tock goes the clock and we learn to use the potty while grown ups cheer around us.  Hooray! We learned how to aim, and where to head when that urge takes over.  

        Before long, tick tock goes the clock and we are walking, talking, playing, learning, dancing, and learning to love.  We grow up, fall in love, and may even get married.  Tick tock, it don’t stop. It just keeps going.  Time waits for no one.  It may seem to move at a snail’s pace at certain times in life.  For example, when you are pregnant, time moves slow.  Days feel like months, and months feel like years made even more unbearable by the fact you grow as big and round as the blueberry girl in Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.  Tick tock goes the clock and nothing lasts forever, and soon you are blessed with a beautiful baby. 

         The next thing you know the process starts with them.  You are older and a little wiser, and if you didn’t feel wise when your toddler was hurling a $hit filled pull up at your head declaring proudly that “I pooped Mommy!!” you surely did when you dodged the bomb and their aim missed their mark.  You survived the round the clock feedings.  You learn by trial and error how to be parents.

        That clock keeps ticking and babies grow into toddlers and then into kids off to school to learn all that life has to offer.    You stop to catch a breath and wonder where the time went.  Wasn’t it just yesterday they were babies?  No matter how much you wish to freeze them at that size forever, time stops for no one.  They grow up, and you grow older.

         Tick tock goes the clock and you realize how precious time is when someone you love  dies.  Your heart breaks, and you are sure time will stop.  Surely it will not keep on going without them in your life, but it does.  One minute they are here, and the next in a blink of an eye they are gone never to return, sometimes without any warning or a final goodbye.  It has always boggled my mind how that can be so, how someone who has always been there can no longer be.

         Time waits for no one.  Time marches on.  It continues with us or without us.  I spend all of my time counting the days as they drag by until my husband comes home again.  While he is here we rush around, enjoy each other, and make each precious moment count.  All too soon, he is back on the road once again and I am here missing him.  Tick tock goes the clock.  Whether the time flies or drags, it constantly passes and evolves.  I have learned to make the most of each day, live life as if each day was my last simply because the clock is always ticking and today could very well be my last until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Time

     My husband finds in his job there is a lot of hurry up and wait involved. Hurry up and get where you are going and then wait, wait, wait once you get there. We rush to be on time for a doctor’s appointment only to wait once we get there to be called back to the exam room. Then we wait a little longer for the doctor to show up. If you still are sick by the time the doctor shows up you really were in need of the doctor after all. It wasn’t just some fart cross wise that could have passed at home without costing you a dime. Doesn’t really matter what you hurry for, inevitably once you get there you are going to have to wait. It must be some kind of sick Murphy’s Law designed to grate on the nerves of those in a hurry.

     We schedule our lives whether it is around a work schedule, school schedule, or the passage of the seasons. We can’t get away from the passage of time. The seconds, minutes, hours, and years continue to tick by. Even if you don’t work, you are on a time table. You make sure to eat at the same time everyday, you go to bed at roughly the same time, and when your television shows are on you make sure you are situated on the couch ready to watch or the DVR is set to record.

     I have learned several truths about time over the course of my life. Time heals most wounds-physical or mental. You never forget, but time makes the pain a little less brutal fading as time passes. We hurry up and wait more than we do anything else. For those that are rarely on time, rushing in at the last possible second is as normal as breathing in and out. Still others would have a complete conniption if they weren’t on time if not early. Time waits for no one, and one can only keep going forward and can never go back.

      Is that reflection I see in the mirror really me? Time has made its adjustments. Although my hair is still brown, a few grey hairs are evident now. Although I am still short, the middle age spread that plagues most plagues me too. I am not as young as I once was. Time has taken its toll as it does on everyone. From the moment we are born, we are constantly aging and nothing is under warranty. Eventually all our parts do wear out.

     With the passage of time, experience is gained making us a little more knowledgeable and at times a tad cockier. We acquire a certain amount of self entitlement and our ability to sit back and take $hit becomes next to impossible. The older people get the bitchier they become. Why? Because they have lived longer and feel with the more years they have lived the more they deserve to have everyone else kiss their a$$es and listen to what they have to say. The older people get the more likely they will be plagued with a hell of a lot more aches and pains than they endured in their youth.

     Regardless how much time each of us spend on the miraculous merry-go-round of life eventually we all get kicked off and get to soar off into the abyss and the here after. The expression being their time is now up. They accomplished all they were meant to. What about those who die suddenly? Did they have enough time here?? Obviously G0d figured their brief life served some purpose and their job here was done. There is a time to be born, a time to live, and a time to die. After we are dead and gone, those that remain will continue to measure our lives and deaths in terms of time. Time is a measurement of life, and as precious as life is, the time we have and the time we give is the most precious of all until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Time of My Life

     Time is a valuable commodity.   If you want it to pass quickly, it ticks by slowly.  If you want time to stop so you can savor a moment, you are out of luck.  Once it is gone there is no getting it back.   Sometimes I wonder why anyone would want to rush time.  A person tends to the younger you are.  I can’t wait to get to 16, so I can drive!!  I can’t wait to get to 21,  so I can drink and go to the bar!!  I constantly encourage my kids to savor their youth because it passes so quickly.  

     Once you get past 21, the exuberance begins to fade and the years start to speed up.  After a while, it is just another year that has passed.  Another year older, another year wiser and no worse for wear.  Another year to mellow, another year to up the level of pi$$ and vinegar in the old attitude.

        Who doesn’t wish they could have more time?  More time with that loved one that has passed away?  More time to finish a special project? More time in the day?  What a shock to the system to see loved ones laying lifeless in a casket who only moments before were laughing, loving, living, and breathing along side us!    I remember thinking that time would surely stop without my parents in my life.  To my shock, it didn’t.  My heart broke, but I survived because I had no choice.  Time marched on without them in it.  


      I wish I could freeze time so my kids could be little forever.  Unfortunately that isn’t possible either.   Only yesterday they were sweet babies in my arms and now they are off at school more days than they are not filling their minds with the knowledge they will need to get through life. 

         Every time my husband comes home it seems the time goes so quickly.  There is never enough time to be together or do everything that needs done.  I hate to see him go and  can’t wait until his return.  My life revolves around when he will come home and when school is in session.   Get the kids on the bus!!  Get the kids off the bus!!  Get the dogs out before they create Lake Michigan on the kitchen floor or deposit goody goody gum drops under the television!

         It seems only yesterday I married the love of my life.  Somehow time has passed.  We both look a little older and a little wiser.  We both have faced life’s sorrows and bitter disappointments and our faces have lost the shining optimism we once  felt  when we embarked on our life together.  We have lived in two homes, had two kids, lost family members to death’s unyielding grip, struggled, celebrated, and triumphed.  We are still standing here today, together regardless of life’s adversity.

           If anything, I have learned over the years to make the best of the time I have.  I live each day as if it were my last because it very well could be.   I remember those I have lost with melancholy and wish often they were still here.  I long for how it used to be.  Time waits for no one.  It has never waited for me.  The Bible says all of our days are numbered and each of our lives have purpose.  So I will continue on doing the best I can with what I have.  I will find happiness where I can.  I will treasure the happy times laced with giggles, smiles, and tenderness.  I will  persevere and survive the bad because I don‘t have a choice.  

      When the time comes for my life to end, I will know I have done everything possible to have made the most of the life given me.  I will have persevered and triumphed.   Really that is all anyone can hope for.  I will leave this earth knowing I truly have had the time of my life.  Until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.