Impulse

   

  Am I impulsive?  That is the question.  I used to be.  After one to many disasters I guess I got over most of my impulsiveness.  Most of my impulsiveness stemmed from having my head firmly up my a$$ and giving little thought to what I was doing before I did it.

   

       For example, a couple times I decided to visit a guy I was seeing at the time unannounced.  Both instances turned out to be a nightmare from hell.  One was in the process of screwing someone else which was awkward, and the other greeted me with a glare and asked me what the hell I was doing there.  One time while living in Nashville, Tennessee I decided I was home sick and after telling my mom I wasn’t going to come home that weekend I threw my books and bags in the back of my Dodge Shelby Charger and hauled a$$ for home anyway.  I never checked the weather or announced I was coming home; I just took off after my last class without a care in the world with my radio blaring.  In the process of trying to get home I was chased by a tornado and drove my car into a moat.  Even in high school I had a one track mind.  One time I purposely stayed after school to stalk the boy I liked who happened to be at football practice only to lock my keys in my car.  Another nice guy helped me get my car unlocked and I went home completely mortified.  

       Men seemed to have the effect of making me do completely idiotic stuff.  Thank G0d and sunny Je$us that I found one that would have me.  He is still around to this day.  As of yesterday we have been married 15 years.  Before he came along I learned the hard way with all people that it never ever paid to be nice.  When I was in high school I had a huge crush on this one guy who barely knew I existed.  I followed him about with my tongue hanging out like a pathetic puppy.  I was in pep club and quickly volunteered to be this guy’s secret locker pal.  What that meant was that I would decorate his locker for every single game.  A couple of times I went all out and baked him brownies.  In hindsight, I could have just kicked myself.  He really was never that nice to me and didn’t deserve the extra attention.  You live and learn.

         After I left high school I met a guy who I seen a few times.  We lived far apart and our relationship or what there was never amounted to much because of the distance.  One day I called his house and discovered he had been in a car accident.  I drove an hour and a half to see him in the hospital.  When I arrived, another girl was there to take him home.  To say he was surprised to see me would be an understatement.  Once again I retreated feeling like a complete a$$.

        Years later I was overwhelmed with a sickening desire to be nice.  My mother in law had been in the hospital so I took my children to see her each and every day despite the fact she has never liked me.  Everything seemed fine on the surface but as soon as my husband returned to town all hell broke loose and she made up lies about things I supposedly said or she imagined I said.  None of it was true and I learned it was for the best that I quit being nice and steer clear of her.  Why give people ideas for ammunition to use against you?

        You can say after all of this I have learned a few valuable lessons.  In all things really think before you act.  As much as I want to be impulsive and reckless, it sure doesn’t pay until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.