15 Minute Glimpse

       My Dad always used to say “Give me 5 minutes and I will tell you everything I know.”    Beth, the creative force behind the GBE2 is giving me 15 minutes of free writing to unleash the beast within.   The first thing that comes to mind is what a week it has been.  It all began Friday with my son’s science fair.  Here I was silently celebrating the fact that the science fair was behind me finally.  Wrongo, my little first grader did so well he is going on to the district science fair in February.  

 

       Because of that fact, the weekend was peppered with celebrations of pizza and dancing the pony, video games, and all manners of merriment passing too quickly with all three of us groaning at the arrival of Monday.  Still, it was all good.  The kids marched off to school and I settled into my normal routine.  Life is so exciting, NOT!!  I started working out with the Wii Fit again recharging my desire to lose weight.  This time was a little different.  I chose a cartoon dude with a muscular physique for my trainer.   I always hated that little skinny girl trainer telling me that maybe next time I could do better.  Yeah, maybe next time I can pop you one.  Whatever, the guy’s criticism seems easier to take.

 

      Tuesday the accident occurred.  As much as I yell at my kids to settle down and quit playing so rough…they never listen!!  This particular time they truly should of.  Evidently my son’s brakes need checked because while horsing around brushing his teeth with his big sister he managed to ram all that makes him a boy into the side of the tub.  His twig and giggle berries were not amused.  From the sounds coming from my kid, he wasn’t either.  I was horrified.  Truly though, who hasn’t offered to give some smart ass man a good swift kick in the family jewels in their life?  I mean really, who hasn’t?  You get good and pissed off and you want to get them where it hurts.  That smart a$$ man in my fondest dreams of removing testicles never included my precious little boy.  His poor twig and giggle berries!!  Oh Lord and sunny Je$us, my future grandchildren!

       Never in my wildest dreams could I have fathomed calling my doctor at night, while my kid screamed bloody murder in the background, and tell him “My son has hurt his testicles!!! What do I do? Ice?  Warm soothing bath?”  I could almost hear the doctor cringe and cross his own legs over the phone.  “Oh NO! You never want to do THAT!  THAT will make it worse!!”  Seriously I had no clue.  I mean, geez, shouldn’t you honestly ice something that is swelling up like a balloon?   I don’t have parts like that.  How the hell would I know?  Evidently Ibuprofen is the answer, and with instructions to take two of those magic pills every four hours, he hung up.  All right, gotcha.  It is a call no mother in their right mind should ever have to make.  Right up there with the note to the teacher and nurse explaining that it might be nice if they could make sure he had some ibuprofen after lunch and WHY, just in case.  Oh M Gee!   Explaining the situation to my husband was almost comical.  “He hit his WHAT where?  WHY would he do THAT“ 
  

       During all of this fiasco with the twig and giggle berries I decided to do something drastic.   Let’s face it.  I never in my wildest dreams thought I would ever go back to school or G0d forbid take a class.  I honestly thought I was too old for that $hit, but guess what?  Wednesday I started a class in Web Design that is going to be great and I LOVITY LOVE IT!  Not only can I take it from home, but with my library card it is free!  How in the world could I possibly resist that?   Did I mention it was FREE!!    Free pass to knowledge!!  Obviously I couldn’t resist.  The best part is there are more courses where that came from that will keep me busy learning the ins and outs of Web Design and photography for a good long time to come.  It is just what I needed to drag my sorry moping near menopausal a$$ out of the depression I have been in since after the holidays.
 

      While I was reeling in the exciting aftermath of my first class in years and my son’s giggle berry catastrophe, my daughter woke up with a fever of 103 degrees this morning.  So here I am fighting her fever with baths, medication, and rest and wishing it was Friday.  Is it Friday yet?  No it is not.  The damn fever only went down 1 measly degree!  Hold still while I douse you with another bucket of water!  Is it Friday yet??  No tomorrow is and if I can get her well enough she will need to march back to school and catch up on what she missed today.  Some weeks roll along without a single hitch and others you start doing the pony dance and end up grabbing your balls and wincing in pain.  His balls, not mine!  I don’t have balls unless my ovaries count.  They should after all.  Oh hell, you know what I mean!   I guess that is how it goes.  My 15 minutes are up until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.