Written for the NaBloPoMo prompt "How long does it take you to fall asleep at night?"I fall asleep moments after hitting my pillow. I say my prayers and I am off to la-la land. When my kids were small I would be wide awake instantly after hearing them stir. A mouse could fart in the next room and it would wake me up. These days I wake up with the need to pee…NOW.
For some reason all the dogs love to sleep beside me. I sleep on my side, so I have one dog in a teddy bear hold, one lying snug against my back, one up against my legs, and the last snuggled up by my feet. Snug as a bug in a rug, when the urge to pee wakes me I roll over dogs, kicking them out of the way as I go, and race to the bathroom in the dark of night with the hounds of hell barking all the way. Once the dogs are awake they think they have to go too. So I stumble out to the garage and let them out the back door. By the time I have let them all out and back in, I am wide awake.
I am thirsty. I have to pee again. I can’t sleep, so I read. The book is good, so I read some more. If I am not in the mood to read, I will fire up my laptop and check the obituaries to see if anyone I know died. It is always a bit of a relief to realize I am still among the living. I check my email. I check my Face Book. I check the front page of the local newspaper. I might even leave a comment here or there. Another hour before the alarm goes off, so I decide to pee again, and turn out the light and sleep. Once again sleep finds me almost instantly.
Buzz! Buzz! Buzz! I bolt upright and turn off the alarm. On my way to pee, I turn on the light in my daughter’s room and announce loudly “its morning!” The dogs, sensing movement are hot on my heels biting at the bit to go out yet again. I pee, and then let them out. These days the cold wind wafts up my nightgown and says “Hello” to my vagina and if I wasn’t awake before I am now. Leaving the dogs to do their duty, I rush back to my cozy bed and dive under the covers. Oh sweet heavenly warmth!!