Freedom

“You left college,

forfeited your marriage,

 your friends,
 and your life…

  to care for me.”  

 Damn tears!  Cancer sucks!

Mama pleaded, grasping my hand.

 “Promise me...

 to live life,
 chase dreams,

 love.
  Experience everything...”

Sighing,
 she relaxed and welcomed eternity with grace.

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The Mermaid Elixir

 

   

       Charlie eyed all nurses suspiciously.  Everyone thought he talked crazy.   That is why his kids forced him into assisted living, to have him watched.   He’d escape to the beach nearby.  Like before, she would rejuvenate him: another modern medical miracle.  Goodbye cancer!

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Into the Sunset

      Sitting on the sun kissed deserted beach, Theresa gazed out at the vast turquoise blue ocean that spread out before her and met the horizon.  Seagulls swooped down to the rolling waves, peppering the breeze with their melodious caws. The late afternoon sun warmed her face, the sand felt deliciously warm as she dug in her toes, and sifted through her fingertips. Here she felt at peace, in the isolation with only the sounds of the ocean and the seagull’s symphony to lull her. Here she could almost ignore the horrendous pain that overwhelmed her from the damn cancer that was quickly consuming her body and extinguishing her life force. This is where she wanted to be, forever.  

       Four weeks later, with her eyes filled with tearful determination; her daughter spread Theresa’s ashes to the wind as a beautiful orange sun set into the horizon. 

 “Goodbye Mama, I will love you forever and can’t wait until we are together again.” 

    With a heavy heart, Melissa walked slowly back up the beach determined never to forget her mother’s gentle soul and bubbly laugh, at peace with the knowledge that she had fulfilled her mother’s final wishes.

 This was written for the first day of the Write Tribe Festival of Words 3.  We were to write a fictional story using only 9 sentences.

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World Cancer Day 2014

         Today is World Cancer Day.  21 years ago August 12, cancer claimed another victim.  Cancer didn’t just claim a faceless victim that day.  On that day I lost my mom to cancer.  She was 51 years old when she died.  She seemed so full of life, so full of joy, and lit up my world.  Sadly that day cancer doused her light forever and part of me died with her.  She didn’t even last a year after the diagnosis of Multiple Myeloma, a cancer that attacks the blood marrow.  By the time of diagnosis the disease had attacked her whole skeletal system.  There was absolutely nothing that could be done except to endure the pain and wait for death to come.

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          Maybe if she had made going to the doctor a priority, maybe if she was diligent in going for checkups, the dreaded disease could have been contained and stopped before it spread so wildly out of control.  Maybe she would have stood a chance.  Just maybe I would still have my mother and my kids would have had their grandma.   World cancer day is all about spreading awareness, promoting early detection, and getting ahead of the dreaded disease before it claims another victim.  It is about research, learning even more, and dispelling the myths.  It is about being informed.  Only when we are informed, can we be protected.  Only then can we fight so that maybe one more life can be saved and maybe, just maybe another won’t have to endure the excruciating pain, sorrow, and aftermath of devastating loss.

Remember cancer can be prevented.  

Spread awareness and in doing so, give hope.

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Two Perspectives: Strength to Go On

This was written for the GBE2.  We were asked to write two different perspectives of the same story.

          She watched her daughter fuss and worry. They had such good times through it all.  She had been devastated when the cancer had been discovered. Then she learned that there was nothing that could be done to stop it.  Damn cancer to hell.  She was still young.  There was so much that she still wanted to do with her life!!  

           Since then she had endured unimaginable pain and torturous treatments in an effort to add another day or hour to her life.  She had persevered with a steely determination to do all the things she most wanted despite the pain.   Thank G0d for morphine and the doctor who prescribed it.  Finally she had made her peace with the inevitable.  It is not like she had a choice.  Life can be a bitch, and then you die.  Bless her daughter; she was optimistic in spite of the truth.    She was the only one who never faltered and knew just what to do when.   It was past time for her to begin her life unencumbered by the demands of taking care of a sick person.  She had her chance to live, and in her mind she had lived well.  The fight was over, and the time had come to say goodbye.

            She hoped that she conveyed how much she loved her and appreciated the sacrifices she had made to be there for her.  “I love you.  I can never thank you enough for all you have done for me.  You were always there for me.  Go to bed. You will need your rest.  You will be fine and I will be fine too.”  She kissed her daughter one last time and watched her go off to bed.  Closing her eyes, she left the pain behind and went on into the light.

  

      Mom looked exhausted.  She seemed to be resting comfortably in the recliner and the morphine was doing its job for the moment.  I stayed nearby and read my book.  Fear gripped my heart and my thoughts.  “If she gets much worse, I don’t know if I can take care of her anymore.  I won’t know what to do!!  I won’t know how to help her!!  Oh G0d, please help me to be there for her and do what I must!!  Surely tomorrow will be better.  She will rally after so much rest today.” I thought to myself.

      Life had spun out of control since the cancer diagnosis.  My divorce was final; my marriage a memory.  My temporary job had ended and I had quit school unable to keep up with all its demands.  Mom had been determined to go on with life as usual despite daily treatments and appointments.    Now all I did was see to her needs the best I could.  There had been some good times too.  Road trips, Notre Dame Football games, and laughter amid the horrifying treatments and the nights filled with screams of agony.  We had such fun together! Life was just better with my mother in it.  Mama simply had to get well!!

      I went to her, adjusted the quilt, smoothed the hair from her face, and held her hand. She opened her eyes, smiled, and grasped my hand tenderly. Her eyes seemed magnified.   “I love you.  I can never thank you enough for all you have done for me.    Go to bed. You will need your rest.  You will be fine, and I will be fine too.”  Tears clouded my vision.  “Tomorrow will be a better day!  I love you mama.”  I fell into a dreamless sleep with a prayer for strength to go on.

K is for Kidney Failure

      Unless you are a medical professional or studying to be one, chances are you could breeze through life without ever really knowing what the kidneys do or why what they do is so important.  I have found in life that unless a condition directly affects me or someone that I love in my immediate family I know little about it.  We live our lives relatively ignorant on a need to know basis.  Unless we have a child or family member who is autistic, we would never ever truly know what that all entails.  So is the case of kidney failure.

      When I was 23 years old, I still lived at home with my parents and my mom was my best friend.  We did everything together and literally were like two peas in a pod.  Every Memorial Day weekend it was tradition for my Dad to man the barbecue and create the most delicious chicken while watching the Indianapolis 500 race on a small portable television on the deck.  My mom and I would rush around preparing food to compliment the chicken.  It was a yearly event in my family.  It was something we always did and the day had been christened Chicken Day as far back as I could remember.  That particular day my mom tried to hide the fact she was not feeling well.  The next day was when her health took a dramatic turn for the worse.

         My dad woke early and headed off to the garage he kept his semi truck while he was home to work on his truck.    My mom woke up with a nose bleed that lasted all day long.  She insisted she was fine.  I wanted to call the doctor, but she stubbornly insisted on waiting for my dad to come home.  By the time he arrived late that afternoon, her nose had been bleeding for the better share of the day.  My dad gave her holy hell for being so stubborn and we rushed her to the doctor.  I remember watching the doctor draw blood that day, and the fact that her blood was an unusual tangerine color.

        We were told to rush her to the local hospital where more tests could be performed. I remember waking in the center of the night to the loud pealing of the telephone.  I will never forget that phone call.  It was my mom.  She was crying and hysterical.  They were rushing her to another hospital immediately.  Her kidneys were failing and if she didn’t have dialysis immediately she would be dead before dawn.  It was a turning point in not only her life, but in my own.
  
        

          I was horrified.  My dad and I raced to the hospital and the nightmarish roller coaster ride of her final year and a half on this earth began. I learned in a quick hurry all about the kidneys and what happens when they fail.  If a patient misses dialysis even once you can be sure of planning their funeral.  A person’s kidneys work as a filtering device to cleanse the blood and eliminate toxins and waste through pee.  I found out through my mom’s experience that if your kidneys fail, you don’t pee anymore.   Instead you fill up and bloat with fluid that poisons your system and kills you in short order.  A new regime began with dialysis 3 times a week, no drinking even if thirsty, and no more salt.  My mother would eat ice chips and even bought a machine to shred ice at the time.  The more fluid that needed to be cleansed and drained off the body, the harder the dialysis was to revive from.  With it came the dangers of having to constantly be given blood thinners.

         By fall it was discovered that my mom had multiple myeloma which is cancer of the bone marrow.  The cancer cells were evident everywhere on her skeletal system. Because they weren’t in one concentrated area, radiation could not be performed.  Because of her kidney failure, she was not a candidate for a stem cell transplant.  Because of her cancer, she was not a candidate for a kidney transplant either.  Everything was against her, and eventually the end came.  Before this happened to my mom I never realized how important the kidneys were to a person’s survival.  I never dreamed my mom would die at the tender age of 51, but she did.   I will never know how she coped with dialysis, the needles, or the excruciating pain.  You do what you have to in this life.    Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.