If I was a super hero I wouldn’t be satisfied with just having one super power. I would simply have to have two because I just can’t make up my mind which one I would want the most. I would want invisibility and if allowed to have two super strength.
I would love to be able to be invisible in the real sense of the word. It would allow me to see things I wouldn’t get to see if I were truly there. It would allow me to go places and not have to worry that I look stupid or fat. I wouldn’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing. I would just go, people watch, and have the time of my life with no inhibitions. I would dance and mess with people that wouldn’t know what the Sam hell was going on. I would laugh myself silly. It would be so much fun! It would definitely be more fun than being present in the regular sense.
As you have probably figured out by now, I fear rejection in a big way. It is probably why I avoid things like class reunions, or classmate parties where I experience real panic when invited. I am terrified to go and have no one talk to me or care that I am there. I would give anything to go, be accepted, and realize I really do have friends from that period of my life. I am the same way with family reunions too. I will panic and make myself sick knowing deep down in my soul they really don’t want me there. Unfortunately that gnawing fear keeps me away. I avoid the drama and don’t go. With the power of invisibility I could test the water and appear magically if I felt I would be welcome. Fearing I wouldn’t be keeps me from even showing up. If I could be invisible I would be at the beach everyday in the summer enjoying the sand and surf so no one could see me and I wouldn’t have to worry about disgusting someone with my physique or scaring small children.
Since I am mostly home alone with a couple of kids, I would give anything to have super strength. There have been so many times that I have thought to myself if only I could just twist this damn lid off or lift that on my own. It would help me be even more independent than I am forced to be on occasion. I like being married, but I hate being here to handle everything that goes to hell in a hand basket on my own. My husband makes everything look so easy when he finally returns home and completes my honey do list in a matter of an hour or less after arriving. If only I had the strength and know how to handle it myself he could just relax and enjoy himself when he came home.
Obviously if I was a super hero I would never be caught dead in spandex. God forbid, I can’t even face the beach for fear someone might confuse me with a beached whale! I would opt to wear jeans, a comfy shirt, and tennis shoes and blend into the wood work because I’m that kind of girl until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.
This was written for the GBE2. We were asked to write two different perspectives of the same story.
She watched her daughter fuss and worry. They had such good times through it all. She had been devastated when the cancer had been discovered. Then she learned that there was nothing that could be done to stop it. Damn cancer to hell. She was still young. There was so much that she still wanted to do with her life!!
Since then she had endured unimaginable pain and torturous treatments in an effort to add another day or hour to her life. She had persevered with a steely determination to do all the things she most wanted despite the pain. Thank G0d for morphine and the doctor who prescribed it. Finally she had made her peace with the inevitable. It is not like she had a choice. Life can be a bitch, and then you die. Bless her daughter; she was optimistic in spite of the truth. She was the only one who never faltered and knew just what to do when. It was past time for her to begin her life unencumbered by the demands of taking care of a sick person. She had her chance to live, and in her mind she had lived well. The fight was over, and the time had come to say goodbye.
She hoped that she conveyed how much she loved her and appreciated the sacrifices she had made to be there for her. “I love you. I can never thank you enough for all you have done for me. You were always there for me. Go to bed. You will need your rest. You will be fine and I will be fine too.” She kissed her daughter one last time and watched her go off to bed. Closing her eyes, she left the pain behind and went on into the light.
Mom looked exhausted. She seemed to be resting comfortably in the recliner and the morphine was doing its job for the moment. I stayed nearby and read my book. Fear gripped my heart and my thoughts. “If she gets much worse, I don’t know if I can take care of her anymore. I won’t know what to do!! I won’t know how to help her!! Oh G0d, please help me to be there for her and do what I must!! Surely tomorrow will be better. She will rally after so much rest today.” I thought to myself.
Life had spun out of control since the cancer diagnosis. My divorce was final; my marriage a memory. My temporary job had ended and I had quit school unable to keep up with all its demands. Mom had been determined to go on with life as usual despite daily treatments and appointments. Now all I did was see to her needs the best I could. There had been some good times too. Road trips, Notre Dame Football games, and laughter amid the horrifying treatments and the nights filled with screams of agony. We had such fun together! Life was just better with my mother in it. Mama simply had to get well!!
I went to her, adjusted the quilt, smoothed the hair from her face, and held her hand. She opened her eyes, smiled, and grasped my hand tenderly. Her eyes seemed magnified. “I love you. I can never thank you enough for all you have done for me. Go to bed. You will need your rest. You will be fine, and I will be fine too.” Tears clouded my vision. “Tomorrow will be a better day! I love you mama.” I fell into a dreamless sleep with a prayer for strength to go on.
I no longer pray for miracles. I learned the hard way to pray for strength instead. If only I have the strength to deal with whatever life deals up today I am good to go. As I think back over the events of my life I realize that whenever I prayed for a miracle I received strength instead. The way I see it, I might as well cut to the chase and pray for strength from the get go. Strength to persevere, strength to endure, strength to survive, and the strength to see whatever I must do through until the bitter end.
As I write this post I keep thinking about the old saying that G0d will never give anyone more than they can bear. There are a lot of things in my life that I have struggled to understand the whys over the years. I have found it matters little how much you bemoan your fate, you must soldier on finding hope and blessings to count at the end of each day no matter how small if for no other reason but to keep your sanity. If I have learned anything from life it is that the sun rises and sets no matter what turmoil your life is in. You might as well find a reason to be glad and look forward to tomorrow.
Strength isn’t all about muscle and brawn, although many think so. Some people will lift weights and in desperation shoot themselves up with steroids in their quest for strength. Is a person that can lift vast amounts stronger than someone goes through life taking each day one at a time carrying with them the scars that have been left on their soul? The trials in life make a person stronger because with experience comes knowledge. You have been there and done that. It didn’t break you then, and it won’t break you if it ever happens again. You have lived and learned.
Strength is more about how you handle what life dishes out to you. It is standing your ground. It is fighting for what you believe in. It is having the utmost faith that G0d will see you through and provide healthy doses of strength when needed. If you can’t do that, it doesn’t matter how much muscle you have or don’t have. When faced with extraordinary circumstances, strength is found within. The L0rd provides it when needed so that even the most unlikely can achieve extraordinary things. When it comes right down to it, what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.
What does a person really own?? I mean really? What do you have true ownership of? We make payments on everything just for the chance to own it. As a trucker’s wife my husband is gone more than he’s not and some folks may guess I am the owner of a lonely heart. Some trucker’s wives can’t deal with the loneliness and find companionship outside of their marriage. I can honestly say that I have never even had the desire to pull a stunt like that.
Many years before my husband and I had ever crossed paths I searched hopelessly for that perfect someone who would make my life complete. It finally took being raped for me to realize that I had to grow strong within myself, be comfortable in my own skin, my faith in G0d, and find my own inner peace. Being raped changed me but I made a conscious decision when I came home from the hospital and police station that I was NOT going to live in fear. I would go into my house and lock the door and if someone got to me at that point, it was meant to be. I learned from my mistakes not to be so trusting. I trusted G0d to take care of me and found my safe haven within. I learned I really didn’t need to have anyone else to make me happy.
From the series of events that led up to this catalyst in my life from my mom’s death which left me isolated to now, I have learned to find my strength, my safe haven, my companion from within. I learned to enjoy my own company. I forced myself to go to the mall alone, eat out alone, you get the picture. You hear people say…get a hobby. I did. My hobbies are all things I am perfectly happy to do alone whether it be writing, crocheting, reading, or listening to music. After my mom’s death I spent hours playing the piano. I don’t do that so much anymore, but the point is…I keep busy.
One time I heard a sermon at church that really stayed with me. The whole point was that everything we have is given to us by G0d. He supplies us with money to buy stuff and for a while we go through the motions of “owning” it. Seems to me, we are just “using” it for a while until we move on to the next step. When you die you leave it all behind to be fought over by your next of kin and then one of them will own it, or sell it.
After much contemplation I have decided I own much more valuable stuff than I realized…contentment, peace of mind, and I am my favorite companion. I also have faith. At least those things can’t be stolen, raped, burned, trashed, and will never deteriorate or mold which is cool. Can’t buy it in a store…it is priceless. It is your own personal safe harbor, and like Visa it is wherever you happen to be. Until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.
Have you ever wondered if you had went down a different path in life, how events would have been different?? Because of this week’s BFF challenge, I have found myself in a reflective mood wondering what if about the road not taken. Would I have changed my path if I could?
If I hadn’t quit school and come home from Belmont University, would I be a record producer today like I once wanted to be?? Would I be mixing the sound boards for the likes of Taylor Swift, Blake Shelton, or Rascal Flatts?? Hard to tell. Instead I followed my heart home and got a job.
If I hadn’t came home, I would never have met my first husband. That would have been a good thing! On the other hand, if I hadn’t experienced being married to an abusive husband and survived, I may never have grown a back bone. I also would have never appreciated the husband I have today quite as much if I hadn’t went through that experience with the first. If I hadn’t followed my mom home on that fall day in 1986, I would have never been there to take care of her when she needed me most.
If I had went back to graphic design school after my mother had died and obtained my degree, would I have a fabulous job in the world of design today full of high pressure stress with little time for anything else? In the long run, would I have been happy doing that like I once though I would?
The roads that I have went down in life have not always been smooth. They have been fraught with turmoil, laced with lessons, and peppered with laughter and happiness. Still, looking back over the decisions and roads I have taken, I don’t believe I would have changed much. I would not have wanted to miss the last precious moments of my mom’s or my dad’s lives. I sure would not have wanted to miss looking into my husband’s eyes on our wedding day. I would not have wanted to have missed the thrill of holding my precious babies for the first time, their first steps, or their first days of school.
The path I took made me stronger and wiser. I may not have all the finer things in life or a fabulous career today, but I have everything I need and all that makes life truly worthwhile. I continue to follow the path G0d intended for me discovering what I need to along the way. There is a reason for everything whether good or bad. If given the opportunity, I wouldn’t change a thing. Until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a truckers wife.
As you have probably figured out by now, I fear rejection in a big way. It is probably why I avoid things like class reunions, or classmate parties where I experience real panic when invited. I am terrified to go and have no one talk to me or care that I am there. I would give anything to go, be accepted, and realize I really do have friends from that period of my life. I am the same way with family reunions too. I will panic and make myself sick knowing deep down in my soul they really don’t want me there. Unfortunately that gnawing fear keeps me away. I avoid the drama and don’t go. With the power of invisibility I could test the water and appear magically if I felt I would be welcome. Fearing I wouldn’t be keeps me from even showing up. If I could be invisible I would be at the beach everyday in the summer enjoying the sand and surf so no one could see me and I wouldn’t have to worry about disgusting someone with my physique or scaring small children.
Since I am mostly home alone with a couple of kids, I would give anything to have super strength. There have been so many times that I have thought to myself if only I could just twist this damn lid off or lift that on my own. It would help me be even more independent than I am forced to be on occasion. I like being married, but I hate being here to handle everything that goes to hell in a hand basket on my own. My husband makes everything look so easy when he finally returns home and completes my honey do list in a matter of an hour or less after arriving. If only I had the strength and know how to handle it myself he could just relax and enjoy himself when he came home.
