Travel Relief

        While traveling on a vacation of a lifetime to scenic Italy with my best friends, I felt the sudden urge to relieve myself.  Pointing, I exclaimed   

“As I pee, sir, I see Pisa!” 

      This week the folks at trifecta challenged us to use a palindrome in a short story of a mere 33 words.   A palindrome is a word or phrase that reads the same forward as it does backwards. 

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Travel

       My husband lives out of his luggage year round.  Last year when we did our taxes we figured out that he averaged 4-5 days home a month, the rest of the time was spent behind the wheel of his semi-truck.  When you look at it that way, he really isn’t here a lot.  His life is spent traveling.  In contrast, my life is spent at home taking care of the kids and the dogs.  It kind of makes sense that when he finally comes home, he wants to be home.  Great for him to be home, but it doesn’t get me and the kids out of the house on many trips.

       It hasn’t always been that way.  While I have never been out of the country except for a rare excursion inside the Canadian borders to simply say I had been there, all of my trips have been inside the United States.  While growing up my family took trips to Disney World in Florida a total of 3 times.  We took a trip to the mountains of Colorado when I was about 13 and another trip to explore the Wisconsin Dells.  We explored all the hot spots along the way because we always went by car.  I have never traveled any other way.

       From the time I was about 11 until my mother’s death when I was 24, my mom and I went on the road a lot to see the Oak Ridge Boys.  It was a load of fun and I got to see a lot of the country following their bus.  My mom was simply addicted to them.  If they were within a 24 hour drive away from the house we went…happily.  Most weekends and every school vacation were devoted to road trips, concerts, and visits to the beach if the weather cooperated.   If they were anywhere close, and even sometimes if they weren’t we went.   The Oak Ridge Boys, Band, and Crew became like family to me.  It was nice having that many “big brother” types about.  We traveled along the east coast, in the south, up north, and all over the Midwest with them.  It was a lot of fun and I have amazing memories from those years that I will cherish for the rest of my life.  Thanks to Face Book, I still stay connected with them all as they continue to tour and I take care of my family.

        There are so many places I would like to see in the world and so many places I would like to travel to and explore.  I am realist though, and I am content if it never happens.  As they say, as long as there is breath in this body, anything is possible and there is still hope. 

Quick! Spend One Million Dollars!

      Today in the land of NaBloPoMo they want to know what I would do if I found a million dollars alongside the road and had only till nightfall to spend it.  I can’t even imagine having that kind of money to spend as usually I am the one walking around the grocery store subtracting the prices off a piece of paper of every single item that goes into my shopping cart.  Yeah, I am that lady.  I balance and figure down to the last penny getting as much for my dollar because I have too.  To have that much money would be overwhelming but I can assure you I would waste little time getting busy spending it.

      First and foremost, I would pay off my house in full.  Any outstanding bills would be paid off in full.  My husband would be getting his teeth fixed and back into tip top condition with no excuses and no waiting till tax time. I would then hire some handy men to redo my kitchen.  Goodbye leaky refrigerator that leaves a river from some mysterious source.  It cools the food, so I wipe it up and go on with life usually.  With a million bucks burning a hole in my pocket I would be heading out and buying brand new appliances, not just any appliances, but cherry red appliances.  There would be new kitchen cabinets with tons of nooks and crannies and counter space to put stuff.  I have nowhere to put anything now.  I would make sure to get new wall to wall carpeting and all the walls could do with new vibrant paint that artistically shouts “Hello!  Kathy lives here!!!”    I would enlarge my son’s bedroom.  It is the smallest room in the house and the boy needs more space!    Course, since I am redecorating everything else, might as well go whole hog and make sure the bathroom and bedrooms get a makeover too.  I probably should and would have the septic tank pumped.  I mean hey, the shitter could be full.  Best to get that cleaned out while I have the money to do it, right?

        I would add on to the garage.  I would buy a brand new John Deere tractor for my husband with all the bells and whistles.  You know leaf sucker uppers, plow, enclosures, whatever comes with tractors. Of course we would each require a brand new vehicle...an SUV for me and a bad ass truck for my husband.   I would get a bigger swimming pool on the way complete with patio furniture to surround it for lazy summer days. 

     Each kid would have their own computer and printer.  Each kid would have their own smart phone.  Each kid would be assured of one hell of a Christmas.  For that matter, I would make sure my husband and I had a good Christmas by loading a big chunk on 4 individual gift cards for each person to spend as they wish.  If they needed clothes I would be buying them.  New shoes, new snow boots, you name it.  I would shop till I dropped.

     I would book trips to faraway places.  Can you say vacation?  I would make sure I had accommodations and airfare to everywhere I ever wanted to go and see.  London, Paris, Disney World, you name it and I would have it booked and be going there and seeing it.  I would be buying the best seats in the house to see my favorite bands and season tickets to see Notre Dame football up close and personal.

      Of course, last but not least while I had my hot little hands on such a big pile of doh- rey- me I would have to pay for a final resting place for myself, my husband, and kids.  I would put money in trust for my kids futures.  I would stock a freezer with plenty of meat and the refrigerator with plenty of food.  I would pay off any outstanding bills I had and set up trusts or accounts to draw from at a later date if any health issues arose whether it be a pimple on the ass to the big horrifying cancer or other mysterious diseases that come along and make a person writhe in pain and misery.  That way when the sun sets, I would be exhausted but I would could live the rest of my life with no worries letting each day unfold and play out.  Hakuna Matata!

The Hardest Job for Me

NaBloPoMo asks today:

“What do you think would be the hardest job for you to do?”

      I didn’t even have to think about this one!!  I could never ever do what my husband does, never in a million years!  He is an over the road truck driver who hauls flat bed loads.  Although I would love to see the countryside like he gets to I would absolutely HATE not being home for a month.  I would miss my family entirely too much.

        Another factor that would make me a bad candidate for truck driving is that I am completely hopeless at backing up a vehicle.  I can not back a small vehicle to save my life let alone an eighteen wheeler.  It freaks me out. I am the person that will park a mile away from where I am going so that I can pull through to a space that I can easily pull out of.  When I was learning how to drive my dad suggested I practice parallel parking in the driveway.  So I got in my car and prepared to back into the space that was between his Ranchero and my mom’s Mercury Marquis.  I backed up and took out the side of my dad’s Ranchero!  It was one of those “Oh $hit” moments I will never forget!  My dad came running out of the house waving his arms yelling for me to stop!  After that he didn’t think I needed to “practice” any more and eventually insisted that I park in the yard where I could easily turn around far away from his and my mom’s vehicles.  Eventually he had a turn around asphalted in the front yard of his house specifically for my benefit.  When I finally went to take the driving test for my license the driver’s examiner told me specifically what to do to guide my car and parallel park.  Because of this, I passed the test.  He must have sensed that I would never handle it on my own!

        Besides the fact that I don’t do reverse well, I realize there is a lot of hard work involved in hauling flatbed.  My husband has to climb up on loads taller than his truck and balance his a$$ on the wind in all kinds of weather while he tarps.  I could never do that!  I would be terrified I would fall.  While I used to climb around on the heavy machinery my dad hauled when I was a kid, that was a whole different ballgame compared to the steel or whatever that is stacked a mile high on his trailer.  Not only does he have to climb great heights and balance, he has to be able to hurl heavy tarps over the top of the load to the other side so he can tie them down.  I can just see me completely exhausting myself and never accomplishing that feat or spending the whole time gazing in horror at what I am expected to do and thinking to myself “You have got be $hitting me!”

        The last little tidbit which would rock my world if I was an over the road driver would be the paralyzing fear of getting lost and of being surrounded by traffic on every side.  I find that very claustrophobic.  I can do it, but I drive through big cities with a death grip on the wheel literally $hitting bricks alternating between praying and cussing.  While being the wife of a truck driver can be a lonely life, being a truck driver gone all the time would be much worse.  Just you and the road as the time passes and minutes turn into hours, days, and weeks.  It is a lonely life and not for everyone.  I would be so home sick!  While there are times when I would love to have a job and travel all over creation like my husband, I am much better off at home and out of trouble until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

 

Vacation

Today is Day 20 of BlogFest 2012.  Today’s host is Toni from Renee Ashley Williams.  The topic question for today is:

Have you ever returned home from a family vacation and felt more exhausted than when you left?

Me and (and I think?? Sleepy)  1972

     Most vacations my family took revolved around one of my Dad’s loads to the same destination.  We would follow him in our family car, and after he delivered his load he left his truck at a truck stop and we went and enjoyed our vacation together.   Thinking over the past vacations that my family took over the years I can honestly say each and every one I returned home happy and energized from all the wonderful memories that were created.  I loved every minute of it.   Over the years I went to Disney World and Florida 3 times.  Because I was only 3 the first time and 4 the second, I don’t remember much about those trips.  Thanks to home movies, family stories, and photographs my memories have been helped along a bit.  The last time when I went with my parents to Disney World and Epcot were the best because I remember it in vivid detail.  We had a blast.

Me and Minnie Mouse Fall 1986

       I remember one year we followed my Dad’s truck out west.  We vacationed in Colorado visiting tourist attractions like the Denver Mint where I got to see money being made, the house of the unsinkable Molly Brown, ghost towns, Pikes Peak, and the Santa Claus Workshop that lies at the mountain’s base. I remember vividly panning for gold, feeling sick on the summit of Pike’s Peak because I wasn’t used to the elevation, and then throwing up from one end of Santa Claus village to the other.  I was scared Santa wouldn’t come that year because I covered his home with vomit.  Thankfully he did come, and I was relieved!!

       One year my family went and explored the Wisconsin Dells.  We rode the legendary ducks, went on boat tours of the Dells, and seen a futuristic house that was weird.  While we were touring a wax museum a door inside blew open and straw flew everywhere.  We ran outside to discover a tornado heading right for us from down the street.  Instead of taking cover, my mom, dad, and I stood mesmerized watching the tornado destroying everything in its path as it progressed up the street.  Before it reached us it dissipated.  The elevators down to the boat rides were all loaded with people trapped when the power went out.

Me at Kings Island about 1989

        There have been many trips to Nashville, Tennessee, Cedar Point, Kings Island, and Six Flags.  We went on a trip to Mackinac Island and countless trips all over the country where the main objective was to see the Oak Ridge Boys.  For my mom, the Oak Ridge Boys were an attraction that rivaled Mickey Mouse.  I got sunburned swimming in the Gulf of Mexico and sunbathing on the Florida beaches.  When I think back, I have been quite a few places.

On our honeymoon 1997

        When my husband and I married we honeymooned on the Lake Erie islands of Put-in-Bay and Kelley’s Island.  Since then there have been a few day trips to zoos, museums, and overnight camping but no real vacations.  Unfortunately for me, since my husband is on the road 3-5 weeks at a time, his idea of vacation is coming home until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Technology and Today’s Truck Driver

      Welcome to another day of BlogFest 2012!!  Our host today is Kate at Traveling Forever. I would like to thank her ahead of time for her interesting writing prompt: how technology makes travel easier today.

        While I haven’t traveled much myself, my father was an over the road truck driver his whole life and my husband is also an over the road truck driver.  A lot has changed since my Dad was behind the wheel of his own rig.  When I was growing up my Dad would locate a pay phone and call home every Wednesday and Sunday night like clock work.  On all the other days of the week he might as well have been on the dark side of the moon for all we knew because it was near impossible to reach him.  In case of an emergency my mother had to contact the state police and have him tracked down.  I can’t imagine the lonely life he lived without complaint and wish that technology in those days would have been more advanced so that we could have had daily contact with him instead of a single phone call twice a week.

        Thanks to the development of technology my husband is a phone call away.  He carries his android phone with him at all times allowing daily phone calls home and the opportunity for us to send pictures back and forth.  His truck is tracked by satellite so his company knows approximately where his truck is at all times.  Inside his truck is a fancy dancy computer system where he not only receives his dispatches for loads, but also directions to his destinations.  If he is unavailable by phone, there is always the possibility his company can relay a message through his QUALCOMM.  The invention of the GPS navigation device also made his job a whole lot easier with step by step route directions. With the invention of Google Earth, truck drivers are able to type in their destination and get a bird’s eye view of where the docks and parking are located before they arrive.  Technology also makes the concept of satellite radio possible making his daily travels a little more enjoyable because he never travels out of range.  

        The power of satellite signals power television and internet access so he can enjoy the comforts of home right inside his semi truck.  Technology has made the life of a truck driver and his family a lot more bearable bringing us all closer together though technology no matter how many miles separate us.  In my way of thinking that is pretty cool until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Dog Days of Summer- BFF 217

      Just as the start of a new school year approaches it seems like the dog days of summer have fled to parts unknown.  Here in the heart of the Midwest the temperatures have dropped to the refreshingly cool 60’s and 70’s, the skies have become overcast, and thankfully the rain has finally fallen.  To look about you would have never guessed the area had ever been gripped by a scorching drought.   The parched lawns and dismal croaked over flowers have finally made a come back.

       I admit that I have never been a big fan of heat and humidity. I have been allergic to everything but cockroaches ever since I could remember.  Because of this, I never ventured outside much when I was younger unless it was to the beach or there was the beckoning promise of a dip in a swimming pool.  I hated the blood thirsty mosquitoes and took no pleasure in the annual invasion of the earwigs or the annoying fleas who tried to take a vacation on my dogs and cat.  This summer has been different for me.  When the school bell rang for the last time at the beginning of summer vacation, I welcomed it with open arms.  I actually looked forward to the 24/7 company of my kids.  I took the bickering in stride, armed myself with pesticides to murder evil bugs, and spent more time outside walking and in the pool with the kids and even more time guzzling water from my water bottle.  A little more peeing was involved due to the water bottle, but it was all good.

         The sun beat down all through the month of June and July hotter than the fires of hell without a drop of rain in sight and because of it every living thing trying to grow either died or suffered.  For the first time in memory the town’s fireworks were cancelled due to a county wide ban.  It was literally drier than a popcorn fart and everyday was filled with watering the lawn and garden.  I felt like the Mr. Donut man, instead of time to make the donuts it was time to move the sprinkler.   The 4th of July passed much like any other day.  Fair organizers probably wished the drought would continue despite the threat of a stray cigarette.  Fate took its course.    The heavens waited to burst for the fair.   I was at the fair for one of those downpours.  Thrilled it was finally raining, my family didn’t let it deter us one bit.  We ran hell bent for election from one place to the next splashing puddles and gasping for breath laughing all the way while others cowered in doorways and barns.

          It may have been hotter than hell outside but it was comfortable in the house.  The standing joke all summer has been that it is snowing in my bedroom.  The room houses the biggest honking air conditioner of the two we possess and it packs a powerful punch.  While comfortably cool everywhere else, in my room it is colder than a witches tit in the Klondike.  Penguins could live happily there.  I wouldn’t have it any other way though.  I still remember those scorching days before air conditioning when sweat flowed freely down my a$$ crack even with the fans going full blast.

        Another thing I love about summer is all the barbecuing going on.  This year I made up my mind I was going to become a master of the barbecue grill.  No more was I going to wait 3 weeks for my husband to roll into town to enjoy meat from the grill.  Oh hell no.  This year I grabbed the bull by the balls and learned.  The result was that the kitchen stayed a lot cooler, and I became a master of marinades, barbecue sauces, and basting.   The summer was punctuated with not only long walks but golf cart rides and the roar of my husband’s racing lawn tractor as he raced around the yard spinning tires and kicking up dust.

          My summer has held all the best things this year: barbecues, swimming, a trip to the zoo, camping, ice cream, sun block, a fair amount of exploring local parks and the Wellfield Botanical Gardens, cotton candy from the fair, picking blueberries, and a trip to the local cheese factory.  Instead of only my ole computer chair showing the wear and tear, my tennis shoes have gotten mileage as well.   Despite the dog days of summer and the plague of frequent migraines, I have soldiered on until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.