Shenanigans

     Although I have never been the instigator of shenanigans, I have been known to go along for the ride and laugh myself silly until I almost pee my pants.  The mastermind or Mr. Shenanigan at my house is my husband.  You always know when he is about to do something completely outrageous because he will say “Watch this $hit”, and then the shenanigans would commence.  I can think of several shenanigans he not only masterminded but carried out over the years I have known him.  All of them were completely off the wall, and completely hysterical.  The man has guts, I will give him that.

      When he decided to leave his first trucking job because the money wasn’t there anymore, he cleaned out his truck at the local yard.  While in the process he got the overwhelming urge to take a dump.  Now it is not what you are thinking!! He didn’t leave a pile in their truck!  He trotted himself into the bathroom and did the deed, and then when faced with no toilet paper had to make a split second decision.  The only possible option to wipe himself clean was an old fashioned linen circular towel holder that hung on the wall.  The cogs in my husband’s brain were turning, and you guessed it… he wiped his butt on that and left it.   His story…they should have had toilet paper.  

        We lived in a mobile home community for the first 11 years of our marriage.  Anyone that has ever lived in such a community knows the houses are set close together.  If someone farts next door, you are going to hear it.   It was the morning after the 4th of July.  My husband rolled out of bed presumably to visit the bathroom.  I rolled out of bed too because I had to go as well.  Instead of heading toward the bathroom, he headed straight for the back door.  I was curious, so I followed to see what he was up to.  The neighborhood was deathly quiet, with everyone obviously still asleep.  What does my husband do??  Standing there in his underwear, he throws open the back door, lights some firecrackers and hurls them outside where the deafening loud reports shake the whole neighborhood.  “Good morning Vietnam!!” he screams.   With a smirk he proceeded on to the bathroom as I laughed myself silly.

          After my dad died my sister asserted her authority and locked me out of my parent’s home.  It was upsetting and uncalled for.  Well, you can imagine Mr. Shenanigans got even.  One evening we were driving past my dad’s house and my husband pulled the vehicle into the driveway.  My dad had one of those free standing mailboxes that weigh about a ton.  They do to anyone like me, or for that matter to my sister.  His initial scheme was to simply open the screen door and place the mailbox between it and the front door.  Whoever had changed the locks for my sister had obviously not done the job right, because even though the door was locked, it magically opened.  I watched in fascination and growing horror as my husband charged into the house with the mailbox.  A little while later he appeared from behind the house.  Evidently he wanted to make life a little more difficult on my nemesis and placed that mailbox right against the other side of the front door.  Good luck pushing that door open !!  He ran back to the car and we got the hell out of there in a big hurry.

         I can honestly say, although I have witnessed plenty of shenanigans I have never been the instigator. I was always the one along for the ride running like hell in the other direction, laughing my fool head off in an attempt to make a get away before we got busted.  One of these days my husband may rub off on me.  Pre-menopause may rear its head, and I just may do something outrageous.  Aside from mooning people spontaneously, I am not that exciting or unpredictable.  I am getting a little bolder and sassier in my old age, so you never know one of these days I may be able to take credit for some shenanigans of my own until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.