Thursday, April 12, 2012

K is for Kidney Failure


      Unless you are a medical professional or studying to be one, chances are you could breeze through life without ever really knowing what the kidneys do or why what they do is so important.  I have found in life that unless a condition directly affects me or someone that I love in my immediate family I know little about it.  We live our lives relatively ignorant on a need to know basis.  Unless we have a child or family member who is autistic, we would never ever truly know what that all entails.  So is the case of kidney failure.


      When I was 23 years old, I still lived at home with my parents and my mom was my best friend.  We did everything together and literally were like two peas in a pod.  Every Memorial Day weekend it was tradition for my Dad to man the barbecue and create the most delicious chicken while watching the Indianapolis 500 race on a small portable television on the deck.  My mom and I would rush around preparing food to compliment the chicken.  It was a yearly event in my family.  It was something we always did and the day had been christened Chicken Day as far back as I could remember.  That particular day my mom tried to hide the fact she was not feeling well.  The next day was when her health took a dramatic turn for the worse.


         My dad woke early and headed off to the garage he kept his semi truck while he was home to work on his truck.    My mom woke up with a nose bleed that lasted all day long.  She insisted she was fine.  I wanted to call the doctor, but she stubbornly insisted on waiting for my dad to come home.  By the time he arrived late that afternoon, her nose had been bleeding for the better share of the day.  My dad gave her holy hell for being so stubborn and we rushed her to the doctor.  I remember watching the doctor draw blood that day, and the fact that her blood was an unusual tangerine color.




        We were told to rush her to the local hospital where more tests could be performed. I remember waking in the center of the night to the loud pealing of the telephone.  I will never forget that phone call.  It was my mom.  She was crying and hysterical.  They were rushing her to another hospital immediately.  Her kidneys were failing and if she didn’t have dialysis immediately she would be dead before dawn.  It was a turning point in not only her life, but in my own.
  
        
          I was horrified.  My dad and I raced to the hospital and the nightmarish roller coaster ride of her final year and a half on this earth began. I learned in a quick hurry all about the kidneys and what happens when they fail.  If a patient misses dialysis even once you can be sure of planning their funeral.  A person’s kidneys work as a filtering device to cleanse the blood and eliminate toxins and waste through pee.  I found out through my mom’s experience that if your kidneys fail, you don’t pee anymore.   Instead you fill up and bloat with fluid that poisons your system and kills you in short order.  A new regime began with dialysis 3 times a week, no drinking even if thirsty, and no more salt.  My mother would eat ice chips and even bought a machine to shred ice at the time.  The more fluid that needed to be cleansed and drained off the body, the harder the dialysis was to revive from.  With it came the dangers of having to constantly be given blood thinners.


         By fall it was discovered that my mom had multiple myeloma which is cancer of the bone marrow.  The cancer cells were evident everywhere on her skeletal system. Because they weren’t in one concentrated area, radiation could not be performed.  Because of her kidney failure, she was not a candidate for a stem cell transplant.  Because of her cancer, she was not a candidate for a kidney transplant either.  Everything was against her, and eventually the end came.  Before this happened to my mom I never realized how important the kidneys were to a person’s survival.  I never dreamed my mom would die at the tender age of 51, but she did.   I will never know how she coped with dialysis, the needles, or the excruciating pain.  You do what you have to in this life.    Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.




36 comments:

  1. Beautiful write Kathy. I am so sorry for your loss and I know that your Mom is looking down from Heaven and is so very proud of you. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mary, I am so pleased you enjoyed my post. Life can change in the blink of an eye. I wish she would have lived to know my husband, kids, and that I write and have a website. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments! ♥

      Delete
  2. Life sure can change direction quickly. I'm so sorry you lost your mom so young and that she suffered so. {{{hugs}}}

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Word Nerd, It sure can. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments. She always said that her life began at 40, then when she turned 50 everything went to hell in a hand basket. I was her primary care taker and I remember her screaming and crying out in pain all night. It was awful. I can't imagine wanting to continue to live in such horrid pain, but she wanted to more than anything. She said there were so many things she still wanted to see and do. Thank you for the hugs.

      Delete
  3. Too young to die. So sorry. And I know what it's like to have your mom as your best friend. Mine is 93 and she's still my soul mate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sandra, you are so lucky to still have her! WOW! I was only 24 when she died. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments!

      Delete
  4. Wow. Just.....wow. So sorry for your loss! She was so young. Way too young to die. And so she couldn't drink anything at all? Or just on dialysis days?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jo Jo, they advised against it. It didn't matter what day it was. So she got a machine that crushed ice and she would have some of that or chew gum if she was thirsty. One man who was on dialysis at the time always drank alcohol like a fish and had to have tons of fluid taken off of him. It really took a toll on him and was hard on his body. They would weigh them when they came in and determine how much they needed to take off, and then adjust the machines accordingly. There were times when they didn't get enough fluid off and her lungs would fill with fluid which was really scary because then she couldn't breathe. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments.

      Delete
  5. How heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for your loss. ):

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Elise, thank you for your kind words and for stopping by to read. ♥

      Delete
  6. it is obvious in your writing, kathy, how much you love and miss your mom.... nice writing..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Danneromero, I am so pleased you enjoyed my post. She was my whole world at the time, and I didn't handle her death at all for a long time. It was very traumatic for me. I found her, and every time I went to sleep at night I would relive the nightmare of finding her. She was the best. I just wish she could have stuck around and been able to know my husband and kids. Some things are just not meant to be. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments.

      Delete
  7. So sorry to read this story, Kathy. It must have been so hard for you to see your mother suffer like this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Paula, the hardest part was maintaining that upbeat happy go lucky attitude. She was convinced she would beat it, and even had convinced me she was invincible. I learned that no one is. It was the most horrendous shock to my system. When she died, I was alone and I had to learn to grow up and adjust to being alone. It was hard. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments. Even when someone is terminally ill, death still pulls the rug out from under you.

      Delete
  8. This really touched me, as you know, I am very close to my mom also and the thought of not having her is unbearable to me. I am so sorry and sad that you lost your mom in such a difficult and painful way.
    ((hugs)) and lots of love to you today as you relive that year and a half. I know as you wrote this and as you read the comments you will relive it again and again. Maybe now, I pray, you will relive it with less pain and only the sadness of missing her in your life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jo, I don't think it matters when you lose a parent. It is always devastating. I vowed once I got my act together after her death that I would never get that close to anyone again. I would never not expect and accept death as a part of life. I handled my Dad's death much better, but by then I had my husband and my daughter. When she died, I had no one. Taking care of her 24/7 isolated me from the rest of the world. I had horrible nightmares after her death that went on for months, and then everything came to a head when I began vomiting blood. Bleeding ulcers. So I had to get a hold of myself, go on with my life, and get better. It was hard, but I did it and became pretty used to be alone in the process. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments.

      Delete
  9. Your post really touched me today on two levels Kathy. I lost my mom three years ago as the result of a traumatic brain injury. It's a terrible loss and I feel for your pain and missing her. My oldest brother (60 years) is in end stage renal failure and doing dialysis three nights a week from 8 pm to 3 am. He has a number of other medical complications as well. His onset was not as sudden as your mom's but has had it's share of scares. From the way you write about her, I am sure the memories of the happy Chicken Days and the other times you shared with you mom bring you a great measure of comfort when you think of her as memories of my mom (and dad) do for me. Blessings to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amy, I am sorry to hear about your mom and for your brother. I have such wonderful crazy memories of her. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments. Blessings right back at you. ♥

      Delete
  10. That's so sad! I'm so sorry. I wish you luck with the rest of the challenge.

    Dianna Fielding
    Sociologyfornerds.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dianna, Thank you for the luck. I am feeling pretty good since I have made it all the way to the letter K!! YAY. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments.

      Delete
  11. It is so true that until we are faced with a disease disrupting our world we know little about it. I am really sorry that your mom had to go through this. Since losing my mom last year I know how hard it is to be without them. Nice tribute to her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. KAT, people go through life thinking nothing like this could happen to them but it does. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments. So sorry to hear about your mom. Life is never the same without them in it, is it? Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments.

      Delete
  12. Kathy, I'm so sorry you had to lose your mother at such a young age. My mother and I were also close, and now that she has dementia I feel her loss even though I still have her. I'm lucky that she didn't go at a much younger age, but my brother did at age 55 and I'm still wounded from that. I love this tribute and the sweet photos you included.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ElaineLK, writing this post it reminded me of all the things in my life that she has missed and I wished she had been here for like the wedding to my husband and the birth of my kids. I would have loved to have had her over to my own home and had the privilege to have her for dinner. I would have loved to have seen her with my kids. It was not to be. Loss is hard at any age. It is never easy. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments!

      Delete
  13. Thank you for sharing this story about your mom's illness and passing. This blog was a reminder to me to of how precious and valuable our good health is. Nice photos of you and your Mom♡.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Beachlover, the bottom line is eventually we all die one way or another. I am so pleased you enjoyed my post and pictures of me and my mom back in the day when I was thin. :D Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments.

      Delete
  14. The way your story was presented made me understand kidney failure more. Everyone who's lost a mother miss her. I know mine was important to me, and never more so than when she was gone.

    http://francene-wordstitcher.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Francene, since that happened to my mom I am more paranoid than ever. The last thing I want is to end up on dialysis like she did. UGH. I am so glad I explained it well in laymen's terms. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments.

      Delete
  15. I'm so sorry for the loss of you mother and everything she went through. My mother is a type two diabetic, and at age 70, she's now moved onto stage 4 kidney failure. Dialysis may not be too far off, although her GBR numbers have moved up in the last few months. It's frightening and frustrating. She is the main reason I lost weight, because I don't want to end up like that.

    My doctor also told me that we as a generation of pop drinkers will end up in kidney failure long before our parents did. That was enough to get me to kick the habit.

    Thank you for sharing with us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stacy, I am sorry to hear about your mom. Dialysis did not look fun from my perspective and I hope I never have to endure that. Thank you for stopping by to read and comment!!

      Delete
  16. So Sad about your Mom--yet so precious that you got to live at home with her and help take care of her. I know that had to be hard on you--but I'm sure it meant the world to your Mom!!

    I do know about the kidneys. My father has polycystic kidney disease and he had to have a kidney transplant to save his life. He told me a lot about what they will and will not let you have on dialysis and he went through dialysis daily for 9 months (he lived at the U of M hospital) until he could get donor kidneys. It took him some time to recover from that transplant and he has to take medications daily so he doesn't relapse. Since PKD is hereditary, I have to watch my kidney function with each yearly blood draw.

    Many hugs to you--I know this probably wasn't easy to write about!!

    Cheers, Jenn.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jenn, actually this was really easy to write. I lived it, and knew it well, so it just flowed. In the aftermath, when I really started to think I realized my mom was only about 7 years older than I am now when she died. That piece of knowledge really threw me for a loop. Looking at the pictures brought bittersweet memories and the thoughts of what might of been if only she had lived. That really made me sad. Thank you for stopping by to read, for commenting, and for your hugs. ♥

      Delete
  17. I am so sorry that you lost your mother so young and from such an awful disease. I can relate somewhat. My grandmother had polycystic kidney disease. For years I watched her hook up to a machine every night while she slept. And then as her kidneys failed completely... watched as she went to dialysis 4x a week. She lived for a LONG time with the disease. For some reason, a transplant was never an option, I'm not sure why. Her son (my uncle) also had the disease. He did get a kidney transplant. I offered to donate my kidney as I was a match but he couldn't stand the thought of it since I was so young, and ended up getting one from his cousin. But after watching all my grandmother go through, I was SO ready and willing to help my uncle not have to go through that same hell.

    Interestingly enough, my grandfather died of Multiple Myeloma a few years before my grandmother died of kidney failure. It sounds like we have similar medical histories in our families.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sarah, how odd that both Multiple Myeloma and kidney problems would run in your family as well!! I wonder if the two diseases go hand in hand in some way. Weird. I dread dialysis and hope that isn't my fate. Since writing this post I realized that in 7 short years I will be the same age my mother was when she died. That is just scary in my mind. My kids are so young and I would hate to miss out on that much of their lives. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments!! Thank you for sharing. ♥

      Delete
  18. So sorry for your loss and the struggles she had to go through. My husband's grandfather had to have dialysis three times a week for three years before he died. It was always such a drain on Granpa John.

    Swinging through from the A to Z page. Good luck on the rest of the challenge.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blissflower, dialysis was always so hard on her too. I think at the end she finally was tired of it all. Thank you for stopping by to read and comment. Thank you for the well wishes. I am so pleased you stopped in and enjoyed my post.

      Delete