Welcome to Day #18 of BlogFEST 2012!! Today’s host is Linda of Linda Says. The topic today asks the question:
"Do you sometimes put yourself on the back burner to conform to others or a situation? Discuss the pros and cons and does one out weigh the other?"
I have to laugh a little at this question. Do I sometimes put myself on the back burner? I always put myself on the back burner, ALWAYS. When I was growing up I was a people pleaser. I would pass out all my Hostess Twinkies and Ho Ho’s from my lunch in the hopes that the recipients would like me and be my friend. I happily did it to be nice. Was I rewarded for my sacrifice? Oh hell no. Those kids never were my friends. They never liked me. Once I got fed up with the arrangement I blamed them for my own stupidity. In retrospect I should have told them “No”, plain and simple. In the grand scheme of things, they still wouldn’t have been my friend and I would have had the treats my mom intended for me. At least I guess I can thank those kids for keeping me from childhood obesity. Thank you for that, you greedy brats, oh and you can kiss my happy a$$!
Now that I am all grown up and in the throes of pre-menopause my attitude hasn't changed much. I still am sitting on the back burner, but this time it is my kids and husband that reap all the rewards. I am always the last person to get new anything or do anything for myself. I move heaven and earth to insure my kids have everything and anything they need or their heart desires within reason while doing without myself. I have learned the hard way that if I don’t do for myself no one else will. They just won’t. Occasionally I will do something for myself, and then feel guilty. Sometimes I wish with my whole heart that someone would just think of doing something nice for me on their own. It rarely happens, but when it does it is the best thing in the world and usually has the effect of bringing me to tears. It makes me feel like Eeyore from "Winnie the Pooh" and all I can say is "Thanks for noticing me!"
The cons of always warming the back burner would be the constant anger at feeling cheated. The pros is seeing the happiness you give to everyone else, simply by doing what you wish everyone else would do for you. Most of the time the happiness of others outweighs the sadness of being always on the back burner, but occasionally it would be nice if it was all about ME until next time I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.
Yeah, that's me too. And my rice -- it always burns. Because I forget about it. ON the back burner.
ReplyDeleteSandra, maybe you should move the rice front and center. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments!
DeleteFabulous response, Kathy! I'm sorry, but you had me laughing about the Ho-Ho's...
ReplyDeleteI don't mind living my life for my family as long as I'm treated kindly. I was born to please, I suppose. I'm constantly trying to ensure that everyone around me is happy. And yes, a warm gesture of sincere appreciation from a family member is the BEST! Thanks for sharing in my blog topic, Kathy!
Beachlover, it is a lot easier to swallow when people appreciate it and treat me nicely as you say. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments!
DeleteMy mom has a pathological need to please people and be liked. I have no such desire, thus I have often been called 'selfish' or told that I know my boundaries.
ReplyDeleteJoJo, you are your own person and comfortable in your own shell. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments!
DeleteI know that every word you have shared here is honest and from your heart, that big giant heart you have. I also think it's kind of the definition of motherhood, but not necessarily of being a wife, certainly common. Mom's are supposed to do without and figure out how to make sure everyone else is not doing without. I don't like that rule at all. I think every mom should declare a week a year, at least, that is all about them.
ReplyDeleteEvery time someone tries to ask for anything that week, moms should say, "No, not this week. This week it's all about what I want and what I need. Sorry, talk to me about this the other 51 weeks."
I also think that week a shopping trip within the budget should be undertaken. Meals should be whatever makes Mom happy. If she likes cooking, then she gets to cook whatever she likes and everyone will eat it or keep their mouths shut and make sandwiches AND clean the kitchen for her following dinners.
Let's start a movement, shall we? This is FB, afterall, we have Klout!
Jo, I don't think that is ever going to happen. I love to make my family happy. They just don't seem to share that need. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments.
DeleteMaybe WE (moms) need to teach that as we are raising them? I might have something here. ♥
DeleteI do with my own children but have no control over other people's kids. Thank you for stopping by again and for your comments. ♥
DeleteI hear you Kathy...I think you and I had similar childhoods. Do anything and everything to make them like you. Then it never happened. Although I never had children, people around me now definitely know how to push my guilt button, but now I know when they do it and call them on it.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
Susan
Today's Working Woman
http://todaysworkingwoman25.blogspot.com/
Susan, I have been amazed to realize that some people actually like you better if you stand your ground an just say NO. People try to hit me with the guilt too. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments! ♥
DeleteI think being such a thoughtful person, sometimes you tend to be on the back burner. Looking back, I hope you find that your lights (that was hidden in the back burner) have lighted so many people including your loved ones and for that you are the light of their life.
ReplyDeleteJourney of Life, I would be really surprised if I was the light in anyone's life. LOL You never know though, it could happen. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments! ♥
DeleteUnlike you, I am not a naturally giving person. However, I have a policy of never taking advantage of people like you. You remind me of my former colleague and friend, Laura, who felt driven to make sure everyone around her was happy. It was galling at times to see people exploiting her generous nature with little concern for her own needs and feelings. Children, of course, are natural takers; adults, I think, ought to know better.
ReplyDeleteBronwyngordon, I think that is a lot of the reason I isolate myself a bit and tend to try to fade into the woodwork. If they don't see me they can't hurt me or treat me bad. I agree with you that adults should know better. In hindsight, I think kids are just mean and can be rude. I can not tolerate rudeness or meanness. My kids can tell you there is absolutely nothing that will make mommy madder than being rude or mean. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments. ♥
DeleteI do see you as the type of person who is always putting your family first...and that goes to show your kind and giving nature. It is sad that you are doing so much--but you don't see that reciprocated. However, you have the reigns when it comes to how much of yourself you want to give and if you want to draw a line in the sand and say-- I need a little me time. It is okay to want it and to take it. Don't fool yourself otherwise. Where there is a will, there is always a way. Maybe a little "ME" time would make them appreciate you more!! :D
ReplyDeleteCheers, Jenn
Jenn, maybe. It might take something drastic like me practically dying! LOL Unfortunately I am not quite sure I want to go to that extreme quite yet. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments! ♥
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