Thursday, December 4, 2014

Amnesia

NaBloPoMo asks:
Who do you like to be with when you are feeling sad?


       When I am feeling sad, I retreat within myself.  I lose myself in my art, a good book, or my music.  I busy myself reading and commenting on others blogs.  When I really have the blues, I go back to bed and escape reality by sleeping my life away.  Honestly, escaping reality is often my first choice. 

         If I must choose someone, then my kids would be top on my list.  Their hugs are balm to my soul.    They care.  Because my husband is rarely home, I have learned not to rely on him for emotional support.  Half the time I don’t tell him if I am feeling sad because I figure he doesn’t need to worry about it and probably doesn’t want to hear it.  I would rather he worried about finding his way safely back to me than worry about whether I am on the verge of slitting my own throat.  Believe me; the notion crosses my mind from time to time. 



         It is kind of funny that when I am at my lowest point I lurk on Facebook surrounded by the buzz and chatter of my virtual friends.  There are a select few that I will share my burdens with, and they always, always make me feel better.  That is a blessing in itself since the majority of these kindred spirits I have never met in person in my life.  There is a connection, and blogging has brought us together.  I count them as my closest, dearest friends and they know who they are.  It boggles my mind that I am closer to these dear friends than anyone who can claim they are blood relations or who actually have personally met me in the flesh.  It makes me realize that most people that have the pleasure of meeting me must find me sadly lacking. 


         My extended family tends to avoid me like the plague…and honestly most of them I have abandoned on Facebook as well.  I have no desire to surround myself with people who really don’t give a rat’s ass if I live or die.   Fortunately, I have found deleting them from my life and my Face Book has given me a measure of peace that I never experienced when I openly welcomed them into my life and heart.  If I have learned anything from life, it is that you can’t make someone care and being “family” doesn’t guarantee anything.  I often wish I could wake up with amnesia and forget the people who have hurt me, and it is probably why I can relate to the song performed by “5 Seconds of Summer” so well.  I can thank them for my trust issues, my insecurities, and ultimately my inner strength.


This month I am making December a little more joyful with NaBloPoMo!



26 comments:

  1. Damn girl I so totally could have written this exact post, substituting my dogs for human children. Why are our families so wretched? And you can talk to me anytime too....I hope you put me on your list of people you can confide in. Love you tons.

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    1. JoJo, I don't know. I really don't. I know we have that in common. Thank you for stopping by and for your sweet comments! ♥

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  2. Sending lots of love and hugs your way, Kathy. I will keep you and your lovely family in my prayers!

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    1. Martha, thank you for stopping by and for your dear comments. I appreciate them so much! ♥

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  3. Hey there, even if its one person that cares- that's enough to want to keep living. Family is tough. I just had a very difficult conversation with my own brother this morning that had me in tears. I just have to realize that I have to do what makes me happy and if people care to join me in my journey they can but I wont be waiting for them to join me.

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    1. holli, I try to do that but it is so easy to become despondent and really think when you are alone. The holiday season doesn't help. I appreciate you stopping by to read and for your sweet comments! Thank you! ♥

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  4. Sending loads of love and hugs. Yes, even if you have one person to care about you, then you're so lucky. Ignore the rest and be always happy Girl! :)

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    1. Sheethal, thank you for stopping by to read and for your sweet comments! ♥

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  5. Sometimes our chosen family is more satisfying that our "official" family. I'm glad you have those wonderful friends in your life.

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    1. Laurel, thank you for stopping by to read and for your sweet comments! ♥

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  6. I am sure you are aware that I would be the first one at your door to hug you and listen. You are my virtual friend and I have come to respect and appreciate you. I am only a phone call away. Just PM me with your number.

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    1. Carol, you are so kind! Thank you for that. Thank you for stopping by to read my depressing post and for your encouraging words. They mean an awful lot. ♥

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  7. Oh there are many, so called relatives, I don't count them as that anymore, that I completely ignore. Life is so much better.

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    1. Pat, I agree it is. I am better off without them. Still this time of year always, always leaves me feeling despondent about the lot of them, and well everything. Too many worries. Too much sadness. Thanks for stopping by to read and for being a friend and offering your encouragement. I really appreciate it a lot! ♥

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  8. Sometimes happiness and the will to live comes when when we least expect or from people we least expect ..

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    1. Nabanita, I will take your word for it. Thanks for stopping by and for your kind comments! ♥

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  9. I would love to be with the gentle, friendly, and nonjudgemental golden lab who lives upstairs when I am sad. In fact, she has brought me such comfort at times previous when I was sad dealing with a family issue. To have people in your life who care is so important, even if it's only one person, though hopefully more in case they're not available. And a pet helps too if you have one. I'm glad you have your cyber friends - I can so relate to that - and I would love to offer my support too as I can so relate to the will to die vs. the will to live. If you have some time, read this blog and I hope it helps you Kathy. Otherwise, feel free to IM me anytime. Take care and a big HUG to you: ((Kathy)) <-- that's a virtual hug! ;) <3

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    1. elly, thank you for stopping by and for your kind comments! ♥

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  10. Like you, when I am sad, I read, I make stuff, I draw... I shut down facebook and phone and just spend some lonely time. Somehow that has great effect on my mood :) Family of course is like chocolate, they just brighten up each day. I miss them so much.

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    1. Rajlakshmi, doing things like that does nothing for the old blog stats! LOL Of course I have my days when I have seriously contemplated deleting this ole blog. There is always something that holds me back. Thank you for stopping by and for your sweet comments! ♥

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  11. Well when I am low two things that provide an instant lift me up are dance and chocolate ;)
    And I call my mom n sis we crib, cry, laugh and I back to being my self in few sec :)

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    1. Aditi, that is wonderful you have them to lift your spirits! Thank you for stopping by and for your sweet comments! ♥

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  12. Sometimes the family given to us can let us down. I'm glad you have your own family (kids/husband) and the online friends that you can confide in. If it's any consolation, my husband isn't great at the emotional support either (and he's usually close by, haha.)

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    1. jannatwrites, LOL yeah, men don't really handle the emotional support thing all that well do they?? HA HA HA! Thank you for stopping by and for your kind comments! ♥

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  13. Aah! We all have such sad depressing days! Glad that you have your circle of friends for support and cheer! A big hug to you Kathy! Stay blessed and happy always! ♥

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    1. Shilpa, thank you for stopping by and for your sweet comments! Hugs right back! ♥

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