The Crush

      All during school I was constantly infatuated with someone. In my junior and senior year of high school my affections focused on one particular boy.  I am ashamed to admit I chased him around school with big love sick puppy dog eyes with my tongue hanging out and drooling.  Looking back, I was so pathetic!!

       He was the stereotypical jock.  He was quarterback of the football team, played basketball, and baseball.   I didn’t have any classes with him that I can recall but that didn’t stop me from drooling over him and pursuing him with a vengeance.  At the time I thought he was the next best thing to sliced bread.  Being so athletic, he was muscular, tall, dark and handsome.  All my school girl fantasies revolved around him.   The only real problem with him that ever came to light was that he was head over heels in love with someone else and took great delight in telling me about it.  Glutton for punishment that I was, I would call him up on the phone and listen to him go on and on about HER. UGH!!

        Stupid me.  I joined the pep club so I could be his locker pal.  What that meant was that before every game I would decorate his locker.  Since I was so artistic, I had no problem making each weeks locker decoration a virtual masterpiece.  I even baked him brownies more than once.  I bought season tickets for football, basketball, and baseball and went to every single game to cheer him on.  It felt like everyone there knew I was there for him, which in hindsight made it even more embarrassing.

        There were definite highlights to my pursuit.  In senior year, the football team beat a powerhouse of a rival.  The student body jumped the field in their exuberance to congratulate the team and celebrate.  I made a beeline for him and tackled him.  Yes I admit it!  I took my opportunity, ran with it, and jumped his bones rolling around in the mud!!  It gave me the perfect excuse, and I took it!!  All these years later, I still remember how fun that was.

         By my senior year my affection began to wane due to his constant proclamations of love for this other girl.  He never asked me out, never asked me to the winter formal, or the prom.  He took her.  Go figure.    I stayed home.  By graduation, I had given up the ghost realizing that it had been a worthy pursuit…but it was over.


         The following fall I was home from college and went to a basketball game.  To my shock he came up to me and embraced me.  I will never forget it.  He was all over me like a bad rash.  As we sat on the bleachers he told me how he had went to see that girl and found her with someone else.  He was devastated and was looking to me for comfort.  I could have took this opportunity and ran with it.  All those years of rejection welled up inside me at that moment and I blew him off and was happy to do so.  I have to admit that I took complete pleasure in turning the tables on him and being a complete bitch.

          Although I have always felt a little guilty for the way I treated him on that night,  the other part of me feels vindicated and was more than happy to move on.  His shiny armor had fallen and revealed the a$$ he had always been in glaring light.  It made me wish I hadn’t wasted all of high school pining for someone who didn’t give a tinker’s damn if I lived or died.  Sure, he was gorgeous…but in the end he really wasn’t very nice at all. 

        He broke my heart with his rejection and in hindsight all these years later I can’t imagine what I seen in him!  If it hadn't hurt so bad at the time, it wouldn’t be called a crush would it?? Thank heavens my husband came along and swept me off my feet so I could finally know what it felt like to be loved and cherished.  It is good to know that there is a soul mate for everyone and you probably won't find him the first place you look.  Until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a truckers wife.