Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Sports + Me = Bad Idea


    Wouldn’t it just have been special to be one of those remarkable tomboys who excelled in sports, always was picked first for teams, and played hard and well at everything she did?  I think so too.  Unfortunately, that wasn’t me.  I was the shortest kid in the class who was the last one picked for games.  I was the one the whole team would audibly groan if they got stuck with me.  I was never very athletic.  I had no coordination and always sucked at every sport I tried.  Some kids like me are just not meant to rule the athletic fields.


     When I was little, a bunch of kids would get up a game of soccer at recess.  For some reason that seems completely beyond me at this point, I usually joined into this mad a$$ chase after the soccer ball.  I may have gotten the opportunity to kick the stupid ball once or twice in the whole time I made an effort to look like I was playing but I never did anything remarkable like score a goal.  If I would have, my classmates would surely have died from the shock.  I was always placed as far outfield as I could get without leaving the schoolyard when playing kickball or softball.  I would stand out there and pray the ball would not come my way so I wouldn’t have the opportunity to make a complete fool of myself.  Ahh, those were the days.


      All things athletic escaped me and didn’t really improve as I grew older.  The powers that be forced all students to participate in gym class through the 10th grade.  I used to despise the obstacle courses that my gym teachers would set up to torture me in front of my peers.  In junior high I made it to my last event before I puked my guts.  My gym teacher had the balls to saunter up and ask me if I intended on completing the event. Was he kidding?  Hell no!!  I just tossed my lunch on the gym floor.  I am done.  Be happy I made it to the last event! 




       In tenth grade an elephant vault was included in the course.  Basically you had to run up, jump on a springboard, which would effectively catapult you up to the top of the parallel bars which had gym mats laid across it, and then you were supposed to jump to the ground and haul a$$ through the rest of the obstacles to the finish line at record speed.  It was a lovely thought in theory, but the gym teachers hadn’t counted on someone as hopeless as me coming along.  In front of my whole class, I ran up at top speed, hit the springboard, and smashed right into the mat.  SPLAT!!!  I fell backwards on my a$$ with the whole gymnasium exploding in laughter.  It was one of the most mortifying experiences of my life.  Like a Charlie Brown cartoon you could literally see the “HA HA HA HA’s!!” in the air.


     It shouldn’t have come as any surprise when I got the brain fart to run with the girl’s cross country team in senior year that those witnessing the debacle of me arriving after running 4 ½ miles were in complete shock.  I remember bending over gasping for breath while sweat literally poured off of me when the senior quarterback of the football team sauntered up and congratulated me on my achievement.  Unfortunately I was to busy dying at that precise moment to come up with anything cool to say so I puked on his high priced tennis shoes instead.  


       I was completely shocked and thrilled when I was awarded a lettermen’s jacket at the conclusion of the season.  I certainly couldn’t have received it because I had won every race or because I had been an asset to the team.  Maybe they were so amazed that I actually survived the season and lived to tell the tale they figured I deserved a token of their esteem.  Whatever the case,  I flaunted that letterman’s jacket like I was top athlete on campus until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.



18 comments:

  1. Captain of the football team, eh? Guess you made quite an impression! LOL!

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    1. KAT, needless to say he never got the idea to ask me out. LOL Course, then no one did so he wasn't alone. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments. ♥

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  2. I'm so in tune with this kathy = hated sports then, and do so now as well. I can walk, I can hike, I can do heavy yeard work. Don't ask me to run, jump, ski, play softball, etc etc etc. Congratulations on that letter jacket. I give you mucho kudos for actually doing any of it by choice! :)

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    1. Amy, I am so with you on that! Not sure what flew up my butt back then but at least I got something for my efforts. I enjoy walking and am trying to do more of it. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments! ♥

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  3. I had a feeling this would be a good story! I'm sorry for your embarrassing moments but applause your persistence! Way to go, sister! :0)

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    1. Beachlover, I am so pleased you enjoyed my story. The running thing was all persistence and didn't take any natural athletic skill. I always finished every single race and practice which for me was an accomplishment. It was hard work. I always came in last, but my team was always there cheering me in when I finally showed up at the finish line. :D ♥ Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments!

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  4. You n me both sister. Gym was a horrible experience for me. I am not coordinated, I am NOT a runner, I just loathe exercise of any kind. I joined the 7th grade softball team and spent the season on the bench, being bullied by my teammates and my jean jacket was stolen out of my locker in the girl's lockeroom.

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    1. JoJo, now that just sucks!! I give you a lot of credit for trying the softball thing. Kids can be so MEAN!! Gym sucked and I was glad when I didn't have to endure it anymore. Then I went off to college and lo and behold here came gym again. UGH. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments! ♥

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  5. What a story, Kathy! You could have been describing my experiences at the beginning of your post. But, no one was doing soccer when I was in school. I didn't do track either, but one PE teacher made me captain of a volleyball team. I could handle that although I didn't move too fast. But, you did good. Thanks for the post.

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    1. Betty, I am so pleased you enjoyed my stories. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments. ♥

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  6. Aww Kathy, I bet you aren't giving yourself enough credit. You received a letterman's jacket! That is something to be proud of--and you ran your a$$ off to earn it. Well done :) I wasn't exactly a Tom Boy, quite the opposite actually, and I was gifted in athletics. I think a lot of that stemmed with always having to compete with my brother--and because he pushed I got really good at a lot of sports. I played as many sports as I could throw myself into. I was never the best, never the worst, except in the 220m in track and the long jump, I held records for those. I've always enjoyed sports--and probably always will--just wish I was in better shape now to do more of them.

    Great post as always :) Jenn.

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    1. Jenn, actually no. Me getting a letters men jacket was a total fluke. I did run my a$$ off for it, but I was always dead last even though I always finished. I could see you being the athletic type. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments. I am so pleased you enjoyed my post. ♥

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  7. Poor you Kathy.. If you had gone to my school I would have totally picked you. That's what I did.. I always took up for the underdog, for kids who got picked last. I was an athlete, in fact, all 7 of us kids were and by the time it came down to me n' my lit'l sis we had big shoes to fill but we always helped others along the way. - Where much is given much is expected. - I'm sorry you had to go thru that but kudos for the jacket. That's an accomplishment. Doesn't matter how you cross the finish line just as long as you cross it.. ;)

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    1. Magical Mystical Mimi, I wish we would have went to school together. I have a feeling we would have been the best of friends. You are right. When it comes to running finishing is what matters not in which order you came in. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments. ♥

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  8. You are a trip! LOL... Well, I understood all that too well. I wasn't a first pick for teams or anything like that. It seemed that I never wanted to exert myself physically very much. I enjoyed the games - soft ball, tether ball, volley ball, etc. But I was never what I would call athletic. I hated calisthenics day in PE. To this day, I will do almost anything physical for exercise except to actually do exercises. hahaha...go figure.

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    1. Darlene, I know exercise is just not fun!!! I am so pleased you enjoyed my post. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments.

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  9. your one tough woman, kathy. glad you pushed through and finished the cross country... tried it also, it wasn't easy... Yahweh bless.

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    1. Ralph, thank you for stopping by to read, comment, and for your praise.

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