Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Two Perspectives: Strength to Go On

This was written for the GBE2.  We were asked to write two different perspectives of the same story.

          She watched her daughter fuss and worry. They had such good times through it all.  She had been devastated when the cancer had been discovered. Then she learned that there was nothing that could be done to stop it.  Damn cancer to hell.  She was still young.  There was so much that she still wanted to do with her life!!  

           Since then she had endured unimaginable pain and torturous treatments in an effort to add another day or hour to her life.  She had persevered with a steely determination to do all the things she most wanted despite the pain.   Thank G0d for morphine and the doctor who prescribed it.  Finally she had made her peace with the inevitable.  It is not like she had a choice.  Life can be a bitch, and then you die.  Bless her daughter; she was optimistic in spite of the truth.    She was the only one who never faltered and knew just what to do when.   It was past time for her to begin her life unencumbered by the demands of taking care of a sick person.  She had her chance to live, and in her mind she had lived well.  The fight was over, and the time had come to say goodbye.

            She hoped that she conveyed how much she loved her and appreciated the sacrifices she had made to be there for her.  “I love you.  I can never thank you enough for all you have done for me.  You were always there for me.  Go to bed. You will need your rest.  You will be fine and I will be fine too.”  She kissed her daughter one last time and watched her go off to bed.  Closing her eyes, she left the pain behind and went on into the light.



  
      Mom looked exhausted.  She seemed to be resting comfortably in the recliner and the morphine was doing its job for the moment.  I stayed nearby and read my book.  Fear gripped my heart and my thoughts.  “If she gets much worse, I don’t know if I can take care of her anymore.  I won’t know what to do!!  I won’t know how to help her!!  Oh G0d, please help me to be there for her and do what I must!!  Surely tomorrow will be better.  She will rally after so much rest today.” I thought to myself.



      Life had spun out of control since the cancer diagnosis.  My divorce was final; my marriage a memory.  My temporary job had ended and I had quit school unable to keep up with all its demands.  Mom had been determined to go on with life as usual despite daily treatments and appointments.    Now all I did was see to her needs the best I could.  There had been some good times too.  Road trips, Notre Dame Football games, and laughter amid the horrifying treatments and the nights filled with screams of agony.  We had such fun together! Life was just better with my mother in it.  Mama simply had to get well!!

      I went to her, adjusted the quilt, smoothed the hair from her face, and held her hand. She opened her eyes, smiled, and grasped my hand tenderly. Her eyes seemed magnified.   “I love you.  I can never thank you enough for all you have done for me.    Go to bed. You will need your rest.  You will be fine, and I will be fine too.”  Tears clouded my vision.  “Tomorrow will be a better day!  I love you mama.”  I fell into a dreamless sleep with a prayer for strength to go on.

28 comments:

  1. Absolutely beautiful and so tenderly told. Exactly as you felt it, it is written. I felt it, I ached for the daughter, was relieved for the mama.

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    1. Jo, I am so pleased you enjoyed my story. Even though the events of this story happened 19 years ago they are as vivid as if they had happened only yesterday. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments.

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  2. Your story touched my heart, Kathy. I know how much you loved your Mom and how hard it has been for you to go on. You were a great daughter to her....the best. Your life has unfolded in so many beautiful ways because of all the love she taught you as a young girl. You are a great mother to your children and most of all the best friend I could have ever asked for. God will bless you for what you did for her. Smile my friend for you are truly a blessing in disguise. :)

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    1. Mary, thank you for your kind words and for being a dear friend that I cherish. I am so pleased you enjoyed my story. There are some events in life that remain vivid in the memory no matter how many years elapse. This is one of them that has marked my life. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments!

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  3. Kathy, this brought tears to my eyes. You were a good daughter. It shows in the tender words you share so openly. I know how hard it is to lose your mom but she lives on in you. XOXO

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    1. KAT, I am thrilled that you enjoyed my story and that it touched you so. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments!

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  4. I'm so very sorry for your loss...what a wonderful daughter and person you are! Your mom was very lucky! :)

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    1. JoJo, thank you for your kind words!I was very fortunate in my life to have been able to also see my dad into the next life as well and care for him too. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your sweet comments!

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  5. Kathy, this left me teary. I know how much you loved your mom--and still do. And I also know how lucky she was to have a daughter like you who stayed by her side and provided her with both hands-on care and enormous emotional support.

    She will always be with you. Always. As long as you carry her in your heart, she is never really gone. ♥

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    1. Word Nerd, I am so pleased you enjoyed my story and that it touched you in such a profound way. This was one of those events in my life I probably will never forget or get over entirely. I will always miss her. People say I resemble her in looks and in mannerisms and to me that is about the best compliment anyone could ever pay me. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your sweet comments!

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  6. This must have been Rey hard for you to write. I found comfort in it though. I'm not in that same exact position with my own mom, but the feelings of fear and panic resonate for me here.

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    1. Sandra, on the contrary.. it was very easy to write because I lived it. The hard part was to keep within the word count minimum and keep my "voice" consistent throughout. That was the biggest challenge. I know the fear and panic well. I felt it with both of my parents. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind words.

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  7. Lost my baby sister to this dreaded disease. I am sorry for your situation. Your heartfelt love radiates from your story. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Humor after 50, cancer shows absolutely no mercy and I am so sorry for your loss. I am pleased you enjoyed my story. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments!

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  8. When I read this I thought of a line from a poem by Emily Dickensen: Parting is all we know of heaven/And all we need of hell. You make the conflicts inherent in dying painfully clear.

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    1. Bronwyngordon, I am so pleased you enjoyed my story. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your insightful comments.

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  9. Lovely. I'm sorry for the pain that came with it, but you told the story beautifully.

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    1. The Host, I am so pleased you enjoyed it. It has been 19 years so the pain has faded a bit with sweet time. I appreciate your kind words and for stopping by to read! Thank you! ♥

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  10. Very tender post!! I could not have been easy--but the love is very felt here!

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    1. Jenn, thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments. I am so pleased you enjoyed it. ♥

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  11. I could feel the ache, relief, and love through this. Excellent write.

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    1. Steven, and that was exactly what I was going for. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments! ♥

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  12. Such a heartfelt piece Kathy. I'm sure you captured your mom's perspective perfectly. Sounds like you had a truly amazing relationship with her.

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    1. Amy, I can only guess what she was thinking. I do know what she said at different times and can surmise. I had the best relationship with her. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments. ♥

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  13. Amazing well written, Kathy - I felt the deep emotions here...love, longing, despair, learning to let go....

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    1. Corinne, I am so pleased you enjoyed my story! Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments! ♥

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  14. I could really feel the pain in this story. So heartbreaking...A story of love, courage and strength from both mother and daughter. ♥

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    1. Beachlover, I have achieved everything I really wanted with this story. I lived it, and I portrayed it here so it touched you. I am so pleased you enjoyed my story. ♥

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