Wednesday, January 30, 2013


The following is my submission for the Writer's Post Blog Hop hosted this week by Jennifer Wilck at Fried Oreos.    

       Isn’t it amazing how time, experience, and the artful process of aging makes a person wiser and realize things in hindsight that it sure would have been convenient to know back in the day?  When I was growing up I would have given my future offspring’s nuts to be popular and well liked and have the golden key to the popularity crapper.  I was involved in lots of activities and knew a lot of kids.  In hindsight it may have been my personality and tendency to fly below the radar while keeping to myself that kept me apart from the popular kids.  I didn’t have the “look”, I didn’t talk the “talk”, and I was pretty independent in my thinking which meant I didn’t let others sway me.  I did my own thing and without even realizing it I kept to my own devices and skimmed the outskirts of the cliques.


      That didn’t mean that I didn’t antagonize about “why” the beautiful people didn’t welcome me into their numbers with open arms.  I honestly thought that there was something wrong with me.  In hindsight I realize it was their loss and something was probably more wrong with them than me.  It depressed the living hell out of me at the time though.    My daughter observes the “in” crowd as being rude and a tad obnoxious.  I laugh when she describes them as thinking they are all that with a bag of chips and on the whole prissy or idiots.  Obviously she is not impressed.  Several popular kids in the 6th grade are supposedly “going” together.  The smart ass in me wonders “Just where the hell can they GO when they can’t drive?”  Evidently the dynamics of “going together” has changed since when I was a kid.  Now the couple barely speaks to each other or is seen with each other.  Back in the day if kids were “going together” they were seen holding hands or standing so close to each other that it was a sure thing their personal space was being violated.  The girls drew hearts in their notebooks proclaiming so and so plus so and so.  You could tell they were “together”.  

        Bottom line, popularity doesn’t impress me much.  What does impress me is my opinion of the person or thing.  If I like them or it, that matters more to me than if everyone is doing it, if everyone else likes them or if it happens to be the “in” thing or “the“ person to associate with.  I may try it or extend friendship to that person, but if it doesn’t do it for me or I don’t like them I am apt to choose my own way despite what the masses think.  Everyone does the best they can.  There are billions of people in this world.  Chances are you are going to find somewhere to fit in with and be accepted for who you are.  In my book it would be far more important to be me than be a clone of whoever happens to be “all that” today.  I am an individual.  Every single person is a miracle of G0d’s creation and far as I can tell, G0d doesn’t screw up.  So with that in mind, everyone has something to contribute to this big ole world we live in.  What or who happens to be the most popular of all is simply what or who has the most exposure being the best it or they can be.  When people recognize those simple facts popularity begins.  Popularity can be a double edge sword though.  Those always in the spotlight show every imperfection in the glare and in the process offer themselves up for criticism.  When push comes to shove to hell with popularity, I would just rather be me.

Wordless Wednesday: Shadows and Reflections


Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Tuesday Tunes

      My friend Holli over at Holli’s Hoot’s and Hollars is hosting a blog hop with Lauren at Outside the Frame that I simply couldn’t resist….Tune Tuesday.  So in honor of Tune Tuesday I am sharing a few tunes that are rocking my world this week, check it out!

     No matter how down and out I am, the following song gets me on my feet and flexing my ass.  It is saved on my phone and I have been known to crank up the volume at the bus stop completely embarrassing my son.  I first heard "Yeah" performed by Usher on the movie “Hangover” and have been hooked on its beat ever since. 

Another cool song that hooks me in with the beat and lyrics is "It's Time" by the Imagine Dragons

Finally I want to share a cool little ditty titled "Better Dig Two"  by the Band Perry


 Keep rocking right along and Happy Tune Tuesday!

 Graphics courtesy of Morgue File

Monday, January 28, 2013

Emotional Retreat

     It is where I go to cope with the demons in my head.  The ones that tell me I am no good and my life has no purpose.  It is a place for those moments when I look in the mirror and see for my undiscerning eye why my husband doesn’t come home, and why he hasn’t been home for so long.  

      It is in that dark place in my mind where I forget that he left because his job requires him too and has nothing to do with me personally.  It is not because of the ugly, fat woman that I see staring back at me in the mirror and will always stare back at me no matter how many pounds I lose or what others see.  Bills must be paid.  We must survive.  It is what he does.  It is only me who has lost my way.  It is me who can no longer sleep through the night because I have to pee NOW.  It is me who needs the damn anti depressants to get through each day, not the real me who once seemed so strong.  Where did that girl go that giggled uncontrollably at just about anything?  It is in this peaceful setting by the sea I retreat to find her once again hoping if only I could find her; I would once again find my purpose for being.  It is there I know without a shadow of doubt that I could find any hope of recapturing my youth before I lose it entirely.  It is inside those four walls I may find a shred of sanity and the happiness this enemy called menopause and anxiety has stolen from me.  That is my doctor’s excuse for all these dark thoughts that I struggle with.  Where is that girl who would sooner say “Fuck you Menopause!!? You can kiss my happy ass!” before effectively dropping her drawers and mooning all who care to see?  Damned if I should know, but I sure do wish she would get her happy ass back here before I go barking mad.    

      I sit inside and listen to the clock tick and the sea lap onto the shore.   It is here I cuddle my dogs close and occasionally nuzzle my daughter’s cat.  My fur babies love me no matter what and feeding them helps to flame that undying love.  I am not so far gone that I don’t realize that.  Any devotion is appreciated at this point.  It is here I wait for them all to return to me.  All music has left me.  I don’t even think to turn on the CD player.  There is no desire to find a beat or rhythm.  There is only the reality of my desperate hope that somewhere among the ashes my soul will rise and soar again.  Life is passing me by and I have all but lost the will to stop it.  If only I could.  My husband will return as he always does but what will he find?  Will I be afraid to leave the safety of this haven even for him?  Will I trust he will be happy to see me?  I won’t think on that now.  I will think about it on the faraway tomorrow when he finally returns.  I will think of it then and force myself to smile each afternoon when the school bus returns because besides all these warring feelings, I really am happy to envelope both of those precious beings with my undying love for them.

        I sit inside this small abode and watch the storm clouds of my emotions swirl struggling through each day praying that one day I will laugh again and my silly will return full time and not just for an occasional glimmer.  It is my safe haven.  It is where I go to process the feelings that bring me down and overwhelm me.  I withdraw into my own little shelter beside the sea as the storm clouds gather and the hormones rage.  I am not ready for this.  I am not ready to be old.   It is why I grasp desperately for any new signs of purpose and life: a class, a new job, just anything!!   Like countless before me and even more who follow, I guess I don’t have a choice.  I need to just handle it.  It will be soon time to wade back into the deep end and leave this peaceful retreat.  Until then, I will put it off and try to embrace what I don’t understand.  I will retreat within and pray for peace longing to discover the inner flame that I once had.

All photos courtesy of Morguefile.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013


Thank you to Jenn at Wine and Chat for this week's Writer's Post Blog Hop prompt! 

      I don’t believe I have ever created a masterpiece unless it would be my son or daughter.  Everything I have ever done has been a work in progress.  It is always shy of perfection and needs more work.

      If you have ever noticed, most artists that can actually claim their work includes masterpieces are dead, sad but true.  It is sad because people don’t appreciate people or their life’s work until they are gone.  It is then, and only then they become legend.  While thinking about this Writer’s Post writing prompt, I realized that I have studied a lot of masterpieces in History of Art when in college but I never really understood what in fact made them masterpieces.  Obviously a lot of people agreed that the painting or sculpture was exceptional but still all of that was based on opinion.  That was one thing I struggled with while studying art.  It is all based on a grey area of opinion.

       Instead of enjoying my art, in the end it stressed me out more than it was worth because I was constantly striving for perfection and that one masterpiece that would prove I was exceptional at my craft.  I found that I enjoyed the black and white, right or wrong mentality of computers better than the fickle opinions of the population.  I found I didn’t work well with so much grey area left to opinion.  Deep down I believe that is why I ultimately walked away from graphic design school and never went back.


       There have been countless musical masterpieces created by famous composers and countless other displays of creativity that by one person or another have been deemed masterpieces.  Some may even go so far as to deem this blog a masterpiece, exceptional beyond compare.  Instead of being fact, it would once again be opinion and something everyone would need to agree with to be true.

         Gazing at the ocean waves lapping onto a beach, a sunrise or sunset, or a delicate flower in full bloom I realize that the greatest example of a masterpiece is all around us in G0d’s creations until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

15 Minute Glimpse

       My Dad always used to say “Give me 5 minutes and I will tell you everything I know.”    Beth, the creative force behind the GBE2 is giving me 15 minutes of free writing to unleash the beast within.   The first thing that comes to mind is what a week it has been.  It all began Friday with my son’s science fair.  Here I was silently celebrating the fact that the science fair was behind me finally.  Wrongo, my little first grader did so well he is going on to the district science fair in February.  


       Because of that fact, the weekend was peppered with celebrations of pizza and dancing the pony, video games, and all manners of merriment passing too quickly with all three of us groaning at the arrival of Monday.  Still, it was all good.  The kids marched off to school and I settled into my normal routine.  Life is so exciting, NOT!!  I started working out with the Wii Fit again recharging my desire to lose weight.  This time was a little different.  I chose a cartoon dude with a muscular physique for my trainer.   I always hated that little skinny girl trainer telling me that maybe next time I could do better.  Yeah, maybe next time I can pop you one.  Whatever, the guy’s criticism seems easier to take.


      Tuesday the accident occurred.  As much as I yell at my kids to settle down and quit playing so rough…they never listen!!  This particular time they truly should of.  Evidently my son’s brakes need checked because while horsing around brushing his teeth with his big sister he managed to ram all that makes him a boy into the side of the tub.  His twig and giggle berries were not amused.  From the sounds coming from my kid, he wasn’t either.  I was horrified.  Truly though, who hasn’t offered to give some smart ass man a good swift kick in the family jewels in their life?  I mean really, who hasn’t?  You get good and pissed off and you want to get them where it hurts.  That smart a$$ man in my fondest dreams of removing testicles never included my precious little boy.  His poor twig and giggle berries!!  Oh Lord and sunny Je$us, my future grandchildren!

       Never in my wildest dreams could I have fathomed calling my doctor at night, while my kid screamed bloody murder in the background, and tell him “My son has hurt his testicles!!! What do I do? Ice?  Warm soothing bath?”  I could almost hear the doctor cringe and cross his own legs over the phone.  “Oh NO! You never want to do THAT!  THAT will make it worse!!”  Seriously I had no clue.  I mean, geez, shouldn’t you honestly ice something that is swelling up like a balloon?   I don’t have parts like that.  How the hell would I know?  Evidently Ibuprofen is the answer, and with instructions to take two of those magic pills every four hours, he hung up.  All right, gotcha.  It is a call no mother in their right mind should ever have to make.  Right up there with the note to the teacher and nurse explaining that it might be nice if they could make sure he had some ibuprofen after lunch and WHY, just in case.  Oh M Gee!   Explaining the situation to my husband was almost comical.  “He hit his WHAT where?  WHY would he do THAT“ 

       During all of this fiasco with the twig and giggle berries I decided to do something drastic.   Let’s face it.  I never in my wildest dreams thought I would ever go back to school or G0d forbid take a class.  I honestly thought I was too old for that $hit, but guess what?  Wednesday I started a class in Web Design that is going to be great and I LOVITY LOVE IT!  Not only can I take it from home, but with my library card it is free!  How in the world could I possibly resist that?   Did I mention it was FREE!!    Free pass to knowledge!!  Obviously I couldn’t resist.  The best part is there are more courses where that came from that will keep me busy learning the ins and outs of Web Design and photography for a good long time to come.  It is just what I needed to drag my sorry moping near menopausal a$$ out of the depression I have been in since after the holidays.

      While I was reeling in the exciting aftermath of my first class in years and my son’s giggle berry catastrophe, my daughter woke up with a fever of 103 degrees this morning.  So here I am fighting her fever with baths, medication, and rest and wishing it was Friday.  Is it Friday yet?  No it is not.  The damn fever only went down 1 measly degree!  Hold still while I douse you with another bucket of water!  Is it Friday yet??  No tomorrow is and if I can get her well enough she will need to march back to school and catch up on what she missed today.  Some weeks roll along without a single hitch and others you start doing the pony dance and end up grabbing your balls and wincing in pain.  His balls, not mine!  I don’t have balls unless my ovaries count.  They should after all.  Oh hell, you know what I mean!   I guess that is how it goes.  My 15 minutes are up until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.