Friday, May 4, 2012

Rejection and Abuse Doesn’t Equal Sisterly Love


     The NaBloPoMo writing prompts for yesterday and today asked me if there was a toy I broke as a child and if there was someone who ever refused to play with me. The only person who I remember refusing to play with me or have anything to do with me at all was my big sister.  I think it had a lot to do with the huge 7 year age gap between us.  She was too old and entirely too cool in her opinion to be bothered by the likes of me.  


      I remember her coloring in color books with me on rare occasions but hardly anything else.  It was always “Get out of my room you little slop hog!!” or “Go away!!” with her bedroom door being slammed in my face.  She could be right down mean.  Fortunately for me she wasn’t around much, and when she was I tried to steer clear of her.  I always had the impression she hated my guts and over the years I realized the feeling was mutual.




         I can only recall ever breaking one toy while growing up.  It is a very vivid memory and once again it involved my sister.  We have never got along and I don’t remember why I was so mad at her or what she had done to me, but I do remember her sitting on the floor in the hallway talking on the phone.  In those days, if she was home and not behind her closed door she was on the phone.  I can remember the rage that possessed me.  Armed with a pint size toy broom I ran out into the hallway and broke that toy broom over her head.  I then remember turning tail and running hell bent for election back to my own room and slamming my door.  I remember crying, not for being sorry for hitting my sister but for breaking my toy broom.  Did she deserve it?  Well, knowing my sister, probably.  Never fear, she managed to get even with me many times over the years.


          I have always felt bad that my sister and I could never get along.  Unfortunately she has always hated me and resented my very existence.  After my parents were gone I found I didn’t have to take her crap anymore.  I always did it for their sake.  With their deaths I was freed of my responsibility to her.  People who are close to their siblings and who come from families less dysfunctional may never understand how I could live my life without her in it knowing she is out there somewhere.  Like a married couple who no longer get along, the deaths of my parents effectively divorced me from her. 

       It makes me sad, but it is not something I dwell on anymore.  I can only hope the life she has chosen for herself has made her happy.  At least she doesn’t have to be tormented by looking at me and vice versa.  Unfortunately she is a person who finds misery wherever she goes.  I choose to find happiness wherever I can.  I no longer have to suffer her constant wrath.  I no longer have to suffer her abuse.  I choose to not let her make me miserable.  She can not help the person she is.  To move on with my life,  I had to let it go and realize I can never make her like me.  Life goes on.   I am free to enjoy my life, enjoy my family, and be happy until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.

32 comments:

  1. It is true that some siblings can just not ever get along--but I do find it rather sad--because it shouldn't be that way--but all too often it is. I just pray that my 5 will always stay close.

    Cheers, Jenn

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    1. Jenn, my sister and I were encouraged to be at odds growing up. My mom always said that I was hers and she was my dad's. I have stressed to my kids that once their dad and I are gone, they will only have each other and their respective families. I want them to get along and be close. I always tell them when they fight that they need to get along and not be like I am with my sister. Thank you for stopping by to read and comment!

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  2. As sad as it is when siblings don't love one another, there are people who are simply toxic and DNA connection or not, life is better without them in it.

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    1. Word Nerd, when it comes to toxic people, my sister is as toxic as they come. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments.

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  3. As often happens Beth has it right. I would disagree with only one thing, she certainly can help the way she is. She chooses to be who she is and that is NOT because of you or in spite of you, it is because she CHOOSES it. Otherwise, you are right, life goes on and being free of emotional abuse is always a good thing. ♥

    As a mom though, it makes me sad to think of any siblings not caring for each other. Can't help that feeling. Having two estranged from us is bad enough, if they were estranged from each other, it would be worse.

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    1. Jo, you are right. She has always been poor miserable me with her world constantly in a world of $hit but she chooses to have it that way. If she wanted to change, she could. She could get a different perspective if she wanted to bad enough. Obviously she doesn't. She is hateful and spiteful and it eats her alive. I can assure you that life without her goes on a lot better than with her. I hope my kids can always find a middle ground and get along. It would be nice. However, you don't choose who your brothers and sisters are. I didn't choose mine and sometimes, for your own happiness and sanity you have to go on with your life without them. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments!! ♥

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  4. People just don't seem to realize that being related to someone does not mean you have to like them. And if you don't like them, you shouldn't have to pretend you do.

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    1. Rena, I agree with you completely. Most folks feel that just because you are related you are obligated to like them and take their crap. You shouldn't have to. Life is too short. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments!!

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  5. I have always been jealous of people with siblings, as I am an only child. I especially. Iss having close sibling as I face losing my best friend, my mother. But my husband always reminds me of exactly this, that siblings do not always get along and can indeed hate each other-- as he does hate his brother. In fact, he blames everything that went wrong in his life on his brothers existence. I should stop being and Idealist.

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    1. Sandra, you shouldn't be jealous. I have a sister, but it is very much like being an only child and always has been. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments!!

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  6. You & I have walked the same mile on that one. Just because they're related, doesn't mean you have to like them. I cut my sister out of my life years ago and am glad to be rid of her hatred for me, my life, my marriage, etc. I am more ambivalent than hateful in my feelings toward her. Hate requires too much work & I'm basically lazy. Glad you were able to let her go & be happy in your life. It's not easy for other people to understand, but it's SO worth it.

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    1. MouthyBarberMom, I went from hatred which took a lot of effort like you say to basically feeling numb. I don't think I care one way or another as long as I don't have to deal with her. I have had a taste of life without, and I like it. Like you say, it is worth my happiness and peace of mind. You only get one go at life and why let someone make you miserable just because you got stuck being related to them?? Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments!!

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  7. I am so very sorry you and your sister have a bad relationship. Like Sandra Tyler above, I am an only child, but I liked it and didn't want any younger siblings. I lived in fear that my mom would have another kid after me and I'd be 'stuck' babysitting. I wanted older siblings though. I suspect your sister probably felt the way I did, and resents you for being the baby. That said, I have a lot of people I consider to be sisters and brothers who aren't blood-related!

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    1. JoJo, I know what you mean. I have a lady who I have known my whole life that grew up next door to me. She is more sister to me than my real sister will ever be. Thank you for stopping by to read and comment!♥

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  8. I am an only child and longed for siblings when I was small, and still wish I had a sister. But, as you say, siblings don't always get on. My two daughters hated each other as teenagers but now get on really well, but my two grandsons are as different as chalk and cheese. There's a six year gap between them and I doubt they'll ever be close, even as adults.

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    1. Paula, there would sure be advantages to being an only child and advantages to having siblings as long as they could get along. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments.♥

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  9. I've always felt like the families we "choose" as adults, whether blood relatives or friends, are our real family. Enjoyed your post.

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    1. Jaye, great point and I agree completely. I am so happy you stopped by and that you enjoyed my post!! Thank you for your kind comments! ♥

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  10. I agree with several of the people who have already responded to your post. Being tied by blood, does not mean you have to like them, or include them in your life. Keep what you like and get rid of the rest!

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    1. November Rain, Amen!!! Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments! ♥

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  11. This breaks my heart because I have such a close relationship with my sisters and feel badly to know you've severed all ties. In the same vein, my son has said he doesn't like my daughter. As parents, this tears us apart. We pray that they will work this out before we are gone. My daughter cares deeply for her brother and is constantly hurt by his mean comments.

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    1. Joyce, because of how the relationship with my sister has turned out I will not tolerate my kids not getting along. My folks always pitted us against each other. Even my grandma liked to pit us against each other. I wish I could have had a better relationship but it is just not possible. Our relationship was always doomed. It is sad, but it is what it is. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments. ♥

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  12. This is so sad, and yet, I have had a spotty relationship with my own brother (4 years older). And agree with everyone else: if it's not a good relationship, sometimes a "divorce" is really the best solution. My brother and I are polite to each other, but more than that, I don't think we've come to expect.
    Denine

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    1. Denine, people get divorces from people they marry. It is just better sometimes to get rid of the poisons in your life. If you can't get along and all the other person's presence does is raise your blood pressure...it simply is not worth the effort. No one deserves to put up with people that do nothing but spew hatred and venom every time they open their mouth. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments!! ♥

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  13. I had 2 brothers, 13 and 14 years older than me! They never did play with me much, until I got older. But at least they were never mean to me.

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    1. Noner, you were fortunate they were at least nice to you!! Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments!! ♥

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  14. I am lucky in that my sisters and I are fairly close, despite big age gaps. (I am the "baby" by 14 and 9 years, respectively.)

    However, we still have "issues"; it has been especially hard for my oldest sister to admit me into the club as an equal, so to speak. She tends to mother me and discount my opinion, even in areas where I have more expertise. (Which tends to piss me off.)

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    1. Beverly, I don't blame you one bit. I believe that would pi$$ me off too. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments!♥

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  15. I'm not really close with my brother but when push comes to shove, he would be there for me. So sorry you don't have a close relationship with your sister, but at least you have your own family to love and cherish!

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    1. Susan, I am very thankful for the family I do have. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments!♥

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  16. Odd. I remember reading and commenting on this post, but I don't see my comment. I hope one day, you and your sister can work out your differences.

    Catch My Words
    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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    1. Joyce, that is odd! Time will tell but I have my doubts. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments!! ♥

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