Monday, July 29, 2013

Living in the Now




    NaBloPoMo asks whether I connect more with the past, the present, or the future.  The answer to that question really wasn’t that hard for me to muddle through.
 





     When I was growing up I looked toward the future with bright eyes and high hopes.  I believed that dreams could come true for me and that anything was possible.  I was optimistic and had high hopes.  I had both of my parents and they were my biggest cheerleaders and support system.  I will admit they were my best friends, and I clung to them and enjoyed their company.


      Then they both died, one by one, and I was left in a tailspin completely devastated.  Right after each of their deaths I desperately clung to the past afraid to move on for fear I would lose them entirely.  I didn’t want to get rid of their things.  I didn’t want to put away their pictures.  I couldn’t stay away from the cemetery.  I was pathetic.  My mother’s death rocked me to my core.  By the time my dad died I was aware that the day would come when he wouldn’t be here.  I wasn’t in denial.  I knew it was a possibility and when he died I let him go.

      Now that I have been through their deaths, a divorce, and the loss of a much anticipated baby, I tend to lock the past in a special place and live in the now rarely taking it out to dust it off and contemplate.  I don’t look toward the future.  I don’t dream.  I take life as it comes, be happy with the blessings I have, and live one day at a time letting God have control of my life.  It is just easier that way.  I have finally figured out how to be happy in my own skin and quit mourning things I can do nothing about.   I choose to connect with the present because the past is gone and the future has yet to be written.  It is my way to move on and keep on living the best I can.





14 comments:

  1. Dear Kathy,
    my heart goes out to you for I have experienced similar...loss of a Father, Baby, Grandmother, diagnosed with cancer and a Divorce within a 18 month period. So I can feel you. Time has healed along with much inner contemplation, meditation, prayer and studying spiritual teachings. I dedicated my life after that to find the truth, to find that inner peace and joy...the inner guidance, the inner light that is within us All.Your happiness is what is important, and loving your life being in the present moment...and you are doing that. So proud of you and sending you lots of respect and love.

    I am from the UBC...so nice to meet you. Come visit me some time:
    Wendy Baudín
    Self-Love Sherpa
    www.wendybaudin.com
    http://wendy643.wordpress.com/

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    1. wendy643, that must have been one hellish 18 months for you. Time is amazing. I think I try to block a lot of it out. I don't think about tomorrow because then I would worry. I just live for today. Today I can manage. Thank you so much for stopping by and for your kind comments. I look forward to visiting you and getting to know you better! ♥

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  2. Well said and nicely written!

    Thank you for sharing.

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    1. healthcare hostages, I am so pleased you enjoyed it. Thank you for stopping by and for your sweet comments! ♥

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  3. Kathy load of hugs coming your way... I love what you wrote in the end... past is gone and future has yet to be written... so true...

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    1. Sukupedia, I am so pleased you enjoyed my post and could connect with it. Thank you for stopping by and for your sweet comments. ♥

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  4. You know I agree with all of this one! :-)
    Now is really all we have. Good job!

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    1. Jo, so pleased you enjoyed it. Thank you for stopping by!

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  5. Hugs. Holding you close and in a loving warm hug Kathy Dearest. Ur cheerful ways of living each day is what keeps your loved ones going.. U are their strength and I salute you!!!

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    1. Me, thank you. Can't imagine what will become of them if I fall apart so I am rarely allowed to. Thank you for stopping by and for your kind comments! ♥

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  6. No doubt about our life experiences make us who we are and can define the way we see our present and future. I've changed my outlook on a few things while dealing with our critical situation with my Dad. I had to be realistic and prepare myself for the worst outcome. I'm blessed that GOD had different plans this time but i cant think of that now.
    Great post! xoxo

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    1. holli, you lived and learned from all you have been going through and now you can look towards the future and your wedding. Thank you for stopping by and for your kind comments! ♥

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  7. I try really hard to live in the now too, ever since I got the chance to do my life over again. I'm still so grateful to have gotten that opportunity.

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    1. JoJo, it is so great when we get a wake up call and a second chance. Thank you for stopping by and for your kind comments! ♥

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