Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Confrontation


      The biggest confrontation of my life is still a very vivid memory.  It was a moment when I finally stood up for myself.   It was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back of my first marriage.    At the time, we lived with my parents.  We never did officially set up housekeeping like normal married couples.  At first, it was because we didn’t have a lot of money.  After the beatings started, I was afraid to live alone with him.  I truly think he would have killed me.  I didn’t have to do anything to set him off at all.  At the time I was working a full time job and going to college at night.  He worked 2nd shift, so by the time he got home, I was usually asleep.  I had to get up early the next morning and go to work.  The fact that I was asleep was enough to pi$$ him off.  I remember being grabbed by the hair and thrown out of bed and slammed against the wall in a heap being a normal every night ritual.


        Shortly after my mom was first put on dialysis, my brother in law and his girlfriend had come to visit.  My ex had already put away a case of beer and was lit.  He was to the point where he could turn on me at any minute.  He became mean when he drank, and I have to admit…I was terrified of him.  I didn’t have to do much to set him off.  I have terrible allergies, and a runny nose could get me slapped upside the head and thrown into a wall quicker than I could bat an eyelash.    At that point in life I was afraid to leave him and knew it was a moot point because we lived with my parents.  Where in G0d’s holy name could I go?  Who would have helped me?  I had nowhere to go, and no one who would help me.  People tend to avoid things like this and don't want to get involved.  I didn’t want to burden others, and primarily I was ashamed.  At that point in my life, I believed I deserved to be treated that way.  After all, I was the dumb a$$ that said “I do” when I should have said “I don’t think so!”  I took my wedding vows seriously and firmly believed “till death do us part”.  




         I walked out in the living room and heard the three of them planning on tying fireworks to my cat and blowing her straight to hell.  I had no doubt in my mind that they would do it.  I was terrified and took my cat to my mother and told her to lock her bedroom door.  At that point my mother was outraged.  She grabbed her faithful shotgun Maude and marched out to the living room and ordered them all to get out of her house immediately or she would go get the sheriff who lived down the street.


        


       My ex-husband picked me up and threw me into the piano and then advanced towards my mother.  I picked myself up and put myself between him and her.  For the first time, I stood up to him and offered myself up to be sacrificed.  I told him he could kill me, but there was no way in hell I would allow him to lay one finger on my mom.  That stopped him cold.  He finally got the hint and left with his company following close behind.    I had made up my mind that it was over.  He was never going to lay a hand on me again.  He would either stop and leave, or kill me in the process.  Either way, I wasn’t being treated that way anymore by anyone.  


  
       Something inside me snapped that night with that momentous confrontation.      He left and filed for a divorce.  It was finally over, and I had survived.  I came out of that situation a much stronger person with a backbone made of steel.  The shy, timid mouse was gone and in her place a strong lady armed with a ready supply of whip-a$$ ready to take on the world.   I will never tolerate that kind of treatment again.   Thank G0d I lived to tell the tale, married my dear trucker husband, had children, and finally got to find true happiness until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.



30 comments:

  1. I am so glad you got out of that situation. You are a dear friend and I am so happy that you found love and have such a wonderful family. No one deserves to be abused by anyone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mary, I am glad I was able to escape that too. It was a terrible time in my life. I was hit with my mom's sickness and death, along with my divorce all at once. I will be the first to admit I had to go through it to be the person I am today. I could have done without being beaten up. That wasn't fun at all. I feel very blessed for the husband I have and our two children. I wonder if I would have appreciated them quite as much if I hadn't went through such an ordeal with the first one. Who knows?? Sometimes you just have to grow some balls and step up to the plate and take a stand. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments my dear friend.

      Delete
  2. Amen and Thank God and your mother for making you stand up for someone you loved more than yourself. Now you can and do love yourself enough to stand up for you, because you are so worth it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jo, at the time I felt I did deserve all he dished out, but my mother didn't marry him and shouldn't have to go through it. That is why I put my foot down. He had pushed her around in the past. Nothing like what he did to me, but by G0d, he wasn't going to ever get the chance while I had breath in my body. You are right. I am worth it, and nobody deserves that. I know now that I would rather be alone than endure that again. Thank you for stopping by to read and comment!

      Delete
  3. Sounds like your ex-hubby and my ex-hubby had a lot in common! Im glad you got out of that situation before it ended terribly.. I know first hand how quickly things could have turned and been much worse. But the important thing is that you came out a better person for it! Loved reading this, can't wait to read more :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Beautiful Disaster, perhaps your ex and my ex are out having tea, or beer together. LOLOLOLOL I am glad I got out of it too. Just wish I would have had the brains to tell him to kiss ole rose before I said I do. Life would have been a lot simpler. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments. I am so pleased you enjoyed it!!

      Delete
  4. What a tipping point for you and confrontation, for all the force behind that word, pales in comparison to the COURAGE it took for you to take those actions. Thank you for sharing this and for the links to the "beatings" and "divorce". This post will surely be an inspiratin to someone in a similar circumstance and you've even provided a quick pathway to help. So glad you found a better life with your wonderful trucker husband and I'm sure your mom was quite proud of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amy, Unfortunately when my mom died she was still wanting me to get back with my first husband and work it out. G0d only knows why. I guess she didn't want me to be alone. My dad did get a chance to meet my husband and see my oldest before he died. I was always thankful for that. I remember him telling me the day I got married again, that he was so happy because this time it was my choice. It was. I am so glad I found my way through to get me to here. Thank you for stopping by to read my words and to share your heart felt comments. I am so pleased you enjoyed my post. It was a confrontation that was a turning point in my life. I was never the same after it.

      Delete
  5. Wow, we have a lot in common. You know I left my first husband too, or should I say "Monster." I am so proud of you and so proud of your mom. I love that you stood up for your self. Of course you did not do anything to spur on the abuse. Abuse is a choice.......

    I am a little worried about how you ended it though about now being a truckers wife. I know you have a loving family, so I am hoping you were being silly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Laura, no need to worry! LOL. That is how I end all my post. It is merely a glimpse into my life and has become kind of a catch phrase. I hadn't really thought about it that way when I wrote it. LOL That does kind of bad considering what kind of post I stuck it on the end of. OH my! Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments!

      Delete
  6. So glad you got out of that situation and became the strong, beautiful woman you are today (not that you weren't beautiful before...maybe I should shut up now).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jennifer, LMAO...that is ok!! You are fine!! Actually what you said was really nice and I didn't think a thing about it. I wasn't strong then. I became strong. I may have had an inkling of strength then or I would have never survived. So I guess I became stronger. I believe that a person gains strength, determination, and knowledge from the lowest points in our lives. We learn, persevere and somehow rise to the occasion. I would be nothing without G0d. He wanted me to travel that road, find my way, and gain knowledge and strength from it and I did. You make me giggle because I often talk myself into a corner, so I know just how that feels. I generally giggle my way out of it. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments. I am so pleased you enjoyed my post!

      Delete
  7. Kathy, I am so sad that you had to go through so much abuse, but so full of admiration that you found the courage and strength to stand up to him to defend your mom. Your story is one that will stay in my mind for a long time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Paula, Thank you for stopping by to read and comment. I am pleased you enjoyed my story. I am awful glad I came out of that situation stronger instead of broken.

      Delete
  8. Glad you made it out alive Kathy. It's difficult for people to understand why someone would remain in a situation like that for so long, unless they have experienced it themselves.
    "stronger, instead of broken", that's a good way to put it. Some things get stronger in the broken places.
    Thanks for sharing a part of you here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. November Rain, if you haven't walked a mile in my shoes really does apply here as you said. It is hard for people to understand why a person don't leave. My reasons were 1) I had no where I could go. 2) I was determined at the time that if I left it was a sign of weakness. I did not want to be the one to give up on the marriage. Marriage is supposed to last forever and I honestly didn't want to admit defeat. 3) I was embarrassed and ashamed of the whole situation at the time and felt at the time that it had to somehow be my fault. I remember screaming at him to go ahead and kill me. My life wasn't worth 2 cents, but he was not going to touch one hair on my mom's head. It was between him and me and shouldn't involve anyone else. I always tried to fight back, but always came out worse for wear. Telling the idiot to go ahead and kill me really stopped him in his tracks. Any other time I would just try to defend myself the best I could. That night I told him to bring it on. I definitely came out a lot stronger. He didn't get the best of me. I think that is why he went off on his own and filed for a divorce. Kathy standing up and telling him to go ahead and kill me instead of Stop!! made the whole idea of beating the living $hit out of me no fun anymore. At least that is my theory. Either way you slice it, even though I looked at my divorce as personal failure it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. If it hadn't, I wouldn't be where I am today. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments.

      Delete
  9. I am so happy you got out Kathy.. So happy that you have your beautiful children and a loving husband.. Abusive relationships are beyond terrifying and it takes great strength to get out. Kudos!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Magical Mystical Mimi, I am happy too. I wasn't at the time. I mourned the failure of my marriage as a personal failure on my part at the time. As time passed I realized it was the best thing that ever happened to me and that life was just as it should be. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your sweet comments. Thanks for the kudos. They made me smile.

      Delete
  10. Kathy, I am so sorry you had to go through that. Thank God you were able to stand up to him and get out of that situation. You are so worth it and we are so blessed that you are a part of our little blogging community. (hugs) from me to you! ♥ Thanks for sharing your story with us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. KAT, I must have had more gumption than he ever thought possible. He left and divorced me. I guess that took the fun out of beating me up. Total domination and all that. I am woman, hear me roar. LOL. Thank you for stopping by to read and comment! I am so pleased that you enjoyed my post and that I am apart of this group and have met such lovely people like you.

      Delete
  11. Ah, Kathy. I am so sorry to read this. Yet, so happy you found your way out. Awesome role model for your kids.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Danneromero, I kind of am glad in a way that it happened because I can now try to steer my daughter away from guys like that. I can give her the knowledge I gained from the experience and give her some warning, not that she will listen. I will sure not tell her she should marry him if she isn't 100% sure. That is a decision she has to live with. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Kathy!Indeed,after a turbulent event we emerge as a new person. I can so relate on this post although mine had no physical abuse but I've met a devil in a flesh once.Thanks for sharing and you have my respect for standing up for yourself and your mom. I am also happy you've met a great husband :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Feathered Pen, that particular confrontation was life altering in so many ways. The physical abuse stopped. This bold, strong person emerged from the ashes and I was never the same after that. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your kind comments. I am so pleased you enjoyed my post.

      Delete
  14. That is your watershed moment. I'm so glad you found the strength. We always have it in us, sometimes it just takes a while to find it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Host, I believe you are right. That was it for me. At the time facing off with him like that was more like a moment of pure insanity on my part, but at that point I really didn't care. Things had gotten so bad that something had to give. Thank you for stopping in to read and comment!

      Delete
  15. ElizabethSheryl, sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do! I really had nothing to lose except perhaps my life. He could have killed me eventually. I always thought he was extremely capable of it when he was drunk. When he was sober, he could be a completely different person. Weird. Thank you for stopping by. I am happy you enjoyed my story.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Kathy, I'm so grateful that you escaped that marriage. Sadly, I know a few women who have not.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Word Nerd, that is terribly sad. I was at the end of my rope and felt I had nothing to lose by standing up to him. My love for my mom outweighed any worry for my own safety. He stopped and left. The outcome could have turned out a lot differently. I am just glad it turned out the way it did. Thank you for stopping by to read and for your comments.

      Delete