My parents brought me up to treat others as I would like to be treated. If there is nothing nice to say about someone, it is better to say nothing at all. I believe the old saying with conviction that what goes around will come around. Is it up to us mere mortals to exact judgment and the ultimate punishment on another?? Somehow, I just can’t bring myself to think so. I was the little girl that was teased constantly. I was to short, had glasses, and because of a small upper palette my front teeth never came in like they were supposed to. I was the only eighth grader with no front teeth. I went through surgeries to correct the problem only to discover that my front teeth were deformed. One day I left school without teeth and returned with a partial plate. Don’t think that didn’t open me up for a whole lot more ridicule. I was a freak, undeserving of friendship, and wide open for torment. There were plenty of people that had no problem stepping up to the plate. After a while, they grew bored with it…and their neglect was almost worse than the constant ridicule.
There was a time in my life when I was filled with so much hatred and anger that it consumed me. I wanted the people who tormented me to pay dearly for the hurtful way they had treated me. I tried to take the matter into my own hands welding my own brand of judgment and censure and in the end the whole mess began to eat me alive and blow up in my face. Finally, while reading my Bible I discovered the all powerful truth that G0d carries the almighty judgment over us all. His judgment is far fairer than mine could ever be as He can see all sides and knows all things. He has more compassion and love for everyone than any person could imagine. Still, he passes judgment in His time, not ours. It is designed to be a wake up call. It is a call for submission to all that is right and good. Evil isn’t tolerated forever, and no one is given more than they can handle. I have learned that everything that happens has a reason. Whether good or bad, we are to take that knowledge and learn from it. It shapes the people we are and become.
What about the evil soul who is attacking innocents?? Who is there for them? Do they ever finally get what they deserve? In my opinion, they are already getting it or they wouldn’t be so miserable and so quick to spew their venom on others. Ultimately, the same almighty presence that is there for all of us is also there for them. What goes around comes around, and when it does, I surely don’t want it biting me in the a$$ too. I have been the tormented, and have no desire to be the tormentor. I have even less desire to be the judge. I don’t have to associate with those that choose to act that way and I don’t. I will leave that to someone bigger than I and keep my big mouth shut. Until next time when I give you another glimpse into the life of a trucker’s wife.
Great post. You made a comment I had intended to put in my post, but somehow it got left out and that was how fair God's judgment is. It is so fair, it goes beyond our human comprehension. There is not denying, man gets exactly what they deserve when they are judged by the Almighty.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed getting an inside look to you...and who you are--I can definitely see how your opinion to not be the tormentor or judge is formed. And I'm with you...I would never want to be the tormentor--and I don't usually want to be the judge.
ReplyDeleteI'll just say this--at some point we do have to discern what is right and wrong--we have to judge for ourselves what works and what doesn't. We do have to go there...not all the time...but yes..we sometimes have to in order to prevent an injustice from occurring or reoccurring.
This is a great thought provoking post :) Jenn.
Wonderful post, Kathy. As one of the tormented kids growing up too, I have to say that I really think my experience has made me stronger. It has enabled me to understand others better and to provide experienced guidance for my kids when someone is mean to them. I wouldn't wish others to go through what I did, but I am now reaping the benefits--I doubt my tormentors are anywhere near as happy or satisfied with their lives as I am. I wish the same for you!
ReplyDeleteAngie, well said!! Thanks for stopping in to read and comment!
ReplyDeleteJenn, thank you for stopping in to read and comment. Yes, you are right about going there every so often, because as good as the almighty is in His divine wisdom He takes His time getting around to taking care of things like that. I believe sometimes He works through others as well to take care of business and protect the weak and oppressed. So happy you enjoyed my "judgment" offering for this week's challenge.
ReplyDeleteJennifer, thanks for stopping in to read and comment. I have to say I did gain strength from the torture. I think over time, I have also developed a sense of humor about the whole thing and how I view myself. I certainly have gained a compassion for others that I probably wouldn't have had otherwise, so all that BS was for the greater good after all.
ReplyDeleteVery well said, Kathy. I got my share of harrassment growing up, and like you, I would never want to be the tormentor. Great post!
ReplyDeleteOne of the (many) things that I admire about you is your ability to hold on to your values, no matter what anyone else is choosing to do. That's a truly wonderful trait.
ReplyDeleteI understand your point of view and agree with it, though I do believe that when we witness injustice and cruelty, we, as people, need to stand up, speak up, and make it clear that we don't approve of it. From the schoolyard to, well, to pretty much everywhere and anywhere, some people seem to thrive on putting others down and it continues, in part, because bystanders remain bystanders, instead of vocalizing their objections.
Theresa, Thank you for stopping to read and comment. Harassment has a way of doing that to you doesn't it?? I have sure found it to be true!
ReplyDeleteWord Nerd, thank you for stopping in to read and comment. Sometimes even when bystanders stand up to the bully, it only fuels their passion to dish it out. That gives them the attention they crave and puts them center stage. While I agree that the bad behavior should be called out, and the meek protected...it usually takes more than someone standing up to the bully to get them to stop. Some people just never learn. In that instance it is just best to remove yourself from their radar and send up flares to the poor unfortunate soul that happens to cross their path. I would rather not be part of the $hit than stir it and give the aggressor even more reason to fight back. What goes around will come around... and in the end troublemakers don't come out smelling like roses. :D
ReplyDeleteThis is a very thoughtful and telling post. We see why you are so compassionate and also from where some of your strength comes.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the 'bystanders jumping in to help" my feelings there are clear in my head, just protect the victim and make sure authorities know what happened. Then move on. I judge the 'deed' not the 'doer' and that works for me! :)
Jo, thank you for stopping by to read and comment. I am pretty much on the same page as you are as far as the bystanders jumping in line goes. Help, but let us not burn the person to the stake and drive the topic into the ground. I am all for the moving on, hate the drama and tend to avoid dramatic types at all costs. I would rather laugh than cry or get myself all worked up. Just don't have time or need for the BS. Victims need to be protected, but they also need to learn to fight for themselves. If we observe and inform...we will give the tools needed to fight back in an effective way that may just win the war.
ReplyDeleteI just want to give you a big old hug! I have a brand new insight into who you are and I can tell that you are beautiful inside.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes wish I could walk off and ignore a troublemaker, but it seems that the Good Lord put an extra pinch of spunk when He made me. I have a deep, REALLY DEEP, sense of justice. That makes me HATE injustice. I've been bullied and I've walked away, but the bullying never stopped until I turned around, planted my feet firmly in place and stood up for myself. I always try to do it with grace and truth and ALWAYS avoid the name-calling. I do, however, respect someone who can ignore successfully. Unfortunately, that isn't me. I will confront before I ignore. Maybe it works for me because I say it like it is without the mud slinging and name calling. Even what I did Sunday was without calling one single name. Maybe I will be judged harshly for the screen shot, but... *shrugs*... like I said, I'm an "in-your-face" kind of gal because being timid and meek never worked for me.
I love this glimpse into your beautiful soul. <3
Darlene, awww thanks for stopping in to comment. I have been bullied and beaten pretty severely by my ex husband. It wasn't till he went after my mom that I stood up to that a$$ and dared him to kill me. He could have done anything to me, I just didn't want him to lay a finger on my mom. He didn't either. He left and divorced me. Beating me up just wasn't any fun anymore once I took a stand. I think it is brilliant that you can get into people's faces like that! You go girl. I tend to be more the meek and mild, but more than willing to stand up and fight like hell when provoked. I think a person has to have the balls to take a stand for themselves to get abuse to stop, although a big gang of well meaning friends offering to attack on command is always a nice touch. LOL Hugs right back at you!!
ReplyDelete"Judge not, that ye be not judged" Doesn't the bible have some of the BEST quotes? None of us are perfect and sometimes people have a tendency to forget this. Sometimes people expect everyone and everything in their world to be perfect and when their expectations aren't met, they shun it or shun the person. But the person who does this has to remember one thing. For as much as they might think they are perfect or at the very least their viewpoints are the only right ones, this does not give them the right to judge anyone else's to be wrong. God made us all to be unique and different. We each have different likes, beliefs, tastes, and opinions and you know something? THAT'S OK! If God wanted all of us to be the same he would have made us that way but he didn't. We are each unique and different in our own way and one of the greatest, most positive things a person can do in their life is to learn to embrace what makes them different, as well as the differences in others. THAT, I believe, is just one of the true paths of goodness that God wants each of us to take.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog Kathy. And I want to give you a great big ol' hug, too! :)
RedBrook30, thank you for stopping by to read and comment. You are so right that G0d wanted us all to be unique in our way! Big hugs right back at you. I am so pleased you enjoyed reading what I wrote.
ReplyDeleteOh, Kathy, this was a great post! And, I also appreciated all of the comments posted here. Your writing really provoked a lot of thoughts from everyone, didn't it?
ReplyDeleteI don't think I could have "bared my soul" like you did in this one. But, I agree with what you wrote as well as many of the other comments. This is the only way to live!!!
Great post Kathy. I can so relate to being tormented by others as a child. I was a bit chunky when I was little and being the baby of the family sure didn't make it any easier. Learning from all that I went through in my childhood days made me so much wiser. As a teacher, I couldn't agree with you more that bullying still occurs. I dealt with it on a daily basis. While others raise their children to be kind, some do not discipline their children at all. I have also found that their is no boundary as to who can be a bully. With that said, we must always stand our grounds and not tolerate these types of behaviors. In the end God will be the final judge of us all. I totally agree with all that you said. :)
ReplyDeleteYour definitely right about bullies sometimes being fueled by intervening bystanders. The bullying that happened regularly at my kids' middle school was awful and some of the parents of the aggressors were oddly unwilling to expect better from their children. Some even seemed to support their kids' horrifying behavior, acting like the picked-on kids should just learn to toughen up. Multi-generational bullying--yikes.
ReplyDeleteBetty, thanks for stopping in to read and to comment. At the time that I wrote this I really didn't think about it as baring my soul, I just told it how it was...as I normally do. I am so happy you enjoyed reading it!
ReplyDeleteMary, thank you for stopping in to read and comment and for your insightful perspectives!! Personally standing up to bullies and showing them that you are not afraid and are not going to be pushed around is so important. Not only does this action completely rain on their parade, but it often puts an end to the behavior. Sometimes it doesn't end because the bully feeds off of this behavior, is psychotic, or hungers for any form of attention they can get. I am big on thinking everyone has to fight their own battles. It is important to remain strong in the face of such a person, because if a group of people go after the bully on your behalf it tends to make you look weak and opens you up for even more torment.
ReplyDeleteWord Nerd, Unfortunately the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and the parents can be just as much a nightmare from hell as the kid is. In this case it is a learned behavior. I often wonder about the person that is a bully just what made them that way. My guess is usually life at home is horrible and they have no other way to vent than to take it out on everyone around them. Maybe they are abused at home, or bullied by their own parents. Sadly it may be a behavior they were taught from the cradle and know no different. Thank you stopping back in to put in your 2 cents into the conversation!!
ReplyDeleteI was teased as a child as well. In fact, just recently, a childhood friend was lamenting on fb about how her own middle school daughter was being teased at school. When I commented, she said that she thinks of me and how my experience has shaped and "scarred" me.
ReplyDeleteHmmm. Scarred. Do you all feel scarred? I suppose if we feel the pain of those years...maybe? Kids can be tough. I don't know that it has made me stronger, but it has made me better. Because I stood in the face of insensitivity every day, I am able to be more sensitive to what my special needs kids are saying to me.
I can't believe it, but all that teasing was a gift.
BTW, I pulled my younger son from his school last year and homeschooled because of bullying. We need to teach our kids to be more tolerant of the differences in people.
Great read. It's interesting to see how we all interpret these similar experiences in life.
Amy, I don't really feel scarred by the experience. I just feel wiser. It made me realize that the world isn't all sunshine, rainbows, and happiness. It effectively broke the rose colored glasses and made me realize that we don't live in a perfect world. It does breed compassion and a sensitivity for others that all people need. When you look at it that way, the lessons it teaches really are a blessing for those that survive it and live to tell the tail. Sadly some can't take the pressure and resort to suicide which is just horrible and sad. It tends to toughen a person up, and I think that is crucial for survival. Thank you for stopping in and taking the time to read and comment!! I appreciate your insight.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Kathy. It's amazing how much those old memories can stick with us, isn't it? I'm glad you've learned and grown from it, instead of becoming bitter (like I know many people can). Thanks for sharing - you are an amazing woman and it's so good to get to know you!!
ReplyDeleteLaura, there are some things that I don't remember at all, but I sure remember being teased. I am more compassionate to my children's experiences now because of it and more equipped to help them deal with things like that. Thank you for your kind comments and stopping in to read.
ReplyDelete